fishergirl

...Now I'm No Longer Alone...

2012-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

The second draft of Blue Moon is in the script drawer and a copy is off to Mom to read (my first cheerleader/critic). I've been neglecting it since Company has been taking up a great deal of my time, but the show will close next weekend and then I will have more time.

The show went really well. I think we peaked tech week and had a great first weekend of shows. We got a standing ovation two nights in a row. I'm happy with my performance, although I still haven't quite got the choreography or lines in the first big number down. They will just never happen, I guess. And that's okay given the work I've put into other parts of it.

And who sat front row center opening night...? My new guy. I met him on OK Cupid. He contacted me and we started IM'ing. He asked me to dinner and we went out. Then we went out for coffee, and dinner again...So on and so on. Things look good so far. I like him and he's good for me. He writes as well, and I've given him CO to read.

And speaking of which...the play is cast. We have a wonderful cast and rehearsals have started. I plan to be there on the 13th. Miranda doesn't have rehearsals scheduled every day, so I have just a few to pick from. That's fine. I don't want to intrude too much. Several of my friends got cast and I've been avoiding answering all their questions. They need to figure things out on their own.

I am at my goal weight of 145. I've gone veggie and I think that may help me get down more. However, I like the way I look and I don't mind if I don't go down any more. We're doing measurements tomorrow so we shall see how that goes.

Well, I have an early day tomorrow so I need to get to bed.

Yours in words.

New beginnings

2012-01-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

I've put "Monsters" on the back burner for now. Why, you may ask? Because I'm rediscovering and rebuilding an older play. "Blue Moon" takes place in three different time periods (or "zones", as I call them in the play). It starts in the seventies, then goes to a fifties scene, and then a nineties scene, and then repeats. The story centers on Naomi, a young woman coming to terms with her sexuality, and her aunt Lola, who made different choices and ended up talking her own life. Parts of the play are based on true events and people, but most of them are made up. The characters are the most true to real people. In the play, Lola is a lesbian and Naomi journeys from initially coming out as a lesbian and then realizes she feels more at home with the bisexual label. The woman upon whom Lola is based, my aunt Val, was not a lesbian.

I'm very excited about this new play. It's got really strong themes and characters. The idea that "Monsters" might be part of a syllabus one day made me happy, but I think "Blue Moon" (not gonna shorten that one to initials, am I?) could also be part of a curriculum. I also see scenes that people could do in an acting class. Many of the scenes are short, two-character pieces. The play itself is very streamlined--it's only about 70 pages. I'd like to get it up to that magic number 80 again like CO. I'm working on what may be the last scene of the play. When I do that, I'll have finished the second draft.

The scenes are chronological in their own timelines, but the play itself leaps from one decade to another. All the characters except Lola and her lover Cory appear in more than one time zone. The actress that plays Cory also plays a character similar to Cory in the nineties scenes. So the play has seven actors. This means I'll be able to submit it to more contests and theaters. Most don't take stuff with more than seven actors. Someday I'll write a four character play. But not this year.

Things other than writing, just to catch you up...I got into "Company". I'm Susan, the Southern belle. We have 2 1/2 more weeks to put this puppy together. We've gotten through all the music and most of the choreography. Tonight we start blocking. I have all my lines learned (at least for my two big scenes). I really like being Susan. I have a REALLY high solo in one of the songs; that's my bogey.

Weight is down to 147.8. Happy with that! I like the way I look and I'm fit for the dance (no breathing hard for me). My goal of 140 by April Fool's Day may be a silly one. If I get to 145 that should be good enough. I'm good where I am.

So happiness and work, the kind of work I like to do. Auditions for CO are fast approaching. I'll write more about that later. Right now I'm going to check my email to see if I have a message about a particular job I applied for...(no need to talk about that right now; I don't want to jinx it.)

Yours in words.

The fruits of my labor

2011-12-13T14:59:00.000-08:00

So I was on Facebook today and saw that a friend had tagged me in a comment. I go to the comment and what do I see but a publicity poster for Checking Out! It is really cool! I feel like a real live playwright now.

Kind of hard to think right now as I have an audition coming up in about an hour. It's for Company, being done by HDCP. The format of the audition is cool; we have to bring in a monologue and sing a song. I've done MANY auditions where a monologue was required. All my auditions at Michigan, my auditions for grad school, and my auditions for pro theaters here required monologues. This one had to be only 30-60 seconds long. I had a hard time finding one that short. I ended up putting one together from several smaller speeches in Jeffrey. It's a pretty crazy one.

My song is That'll Show Him from Forum. She wanted us to pick a Sondheim song. I've done it for auditions before and I worked with Kelly on it, so I feel pretty good about it. I think I'll go over it a few more times and then go.

I finished the first Act II scene and am into the first SB scene. Nice.

Breakthrough, kinda

2011-11-28T11:24:00.000-08:00

I wrote a bit today! I'm planning to write more soon. Mom and I talked about the craft of writing, how I needed to do it every day. Dave says this in CO as well, that he works hard every day. We saw Hugo and it's all about working, that we are all part of a machine and there are no extra pieces. We all have a job to do. And my job is to write. So I've set the goal of working every day.

I decided it's too hard to make myself go to Interval every Monday. So I'm going to another class, an aerobics class, at Parkwood. I want to take a Pilates class there too and stick with the S and S. So that will be the three classes I will take next semester. I haven't run but I have done the Arc Trainer. My weight seems to have stabilized at 150, but I have set a goal of losing 10 pounds by April Fool's Day.

It is the Nurse who suggests the name of Konstantinos. That occurred to me this morning. Mornings are good epiphany times for me. I think that's why I sleep in so often. I do my best writing when I first wake up. There is a time after which it's just harder to write, about 8 or 9. Last night I wanted to write but it was too late.

This first Act II scene takes up about two pages so far. I want to write another two pages today, or at least one page. I'd like it to be a five-page scene. After this, I want to have the other siblings and Haemon arrive in SB. I see the stage as divided in half, lit to create two spaces. A designer can do a lot with light and sound. Set should be minimal, mostly chairs and tables. Tiresias can be in the middle or off to the side. Originally I envisioned her/him off to the side, but it might be more interesting to put him/her in the center, since s/he lies between the action.

Okay, time to get back to it.

Mired

2011-11-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

The relationship is over. Sad. I have to keep creating, though. Dave in CO says nothing else matters when he is writing, that writing is his true love. I get that way sometimes.

However, I'm blocked as far as Monsters is concerned. I'm using Konstantinos but I haven't gotten any farther. I remember long periods when I didn't or couldn't work on CO so I may just need a break. Writing takes time. It's also hard to keep from languishing in FB and not trying to write. I don't do well with disciplined writing. It seems to either come or not. I should probably take time every day to at least try.

Workouts are going well. There's a new woman doing Strength and Stretch. I went Friday and had a good workout. Sunday I did the ArcTrainer and today I rode the bike. The SparkPeople program is great. I spent some time tonight looking through healthy recipes on the site. My eating has been not so great but I'm going to try to do better.

I'll be home for Thanksgiving and I'll try to eat healthy then. I'm making butternut squash from a recipe in the SparkPeople collection. I have just recently discovered butternut squash and I LOVE it. It's easy to make, too.

So, I'm having vegetable fried rice for dinner and trying to create later tonight. We'll see.

Unblock coming..?

2011-11-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

I didn't run today but I did do ArcTrainer, and I'm feeling pretty good. Auditions for "R and G" are tonight. I've been doing other things on the computer today--not only Facebooking but working on a new site called Spark People. It's a way to keep a record of your nutrition and fitness. I found out that I'm not eating nearly enough and not getting enough carbs (by far) or protein. Today I'm better-just about perfect on the carbs and getting there on the protein-fat relationship.

Ismene is the only sibling to escape death in the original cycle, so I can keep that. Haemon kills himself in "Antigone" but I don't think I'll have him die in my version. There are two suicides in "Monsters" ,however.

The lovers have to decide on a name for the baby. I was kicking around Adelphos (sibling) and Baltasar (king of Babylon before its fall). Kris suggested Konstantinos. I kind of like that. "Steadfast, constant." I wanted something that would be kind of ironic, but maybe a more hopeful name is better. The kids have a lot of hope that gets dashed as their fates unfold.

I'm feeling like I could write a monologue tonight. Not necessarily when I get done here, but maybe when I get home from the bar (we're going for a drink after auditions). I wonder, if I get in the show, if that can spur me creatively. Stoppard is fun to read and I'm sure fun to do. Sometimes being exposed to a great writer makes me a better writer myself. It will be the third really well-written show I've done this year. It would be so great!

**Other news: I changed my relationship status on FB today and got SO many "likes". I'm really happy they're happy, and it's good to be happy myself. It's nice to have someone I can bounce ideas off of and someone to offer suggestions. Perhaps my new relationship with Kris will help get me past my writer's block. :)

No prayers for November to linger longer....

2011-11-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

I was surprised to see I hadn't written since September. October was completely taken up by Conspiracy. I have gone from one show to another since March. I have some downtime now but that may be over soon if I get cast in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

I've been having severe writer's block. I've started the first scene of the second act, but it's been hard going. The dialogue between Tig, Poly, and Oedipus is tricky to navigate. He doesn't condone what they've done but he still loves them. He and Poly have the same challenges as far as their sight is concerned and I want to bring that out.

I read the Theban cycle and it was an eye-opener. I've forgotten a lot about the story. First of all, I forgot Haemon was Creon's son. This is a very helpful way to explain what he's doing there--before he was just sort of hanging out. I find it interesting that Tig and Haemon are first cousins. I guess the Greeks didn't consider that relationship too close to be incest. It's not considered incest in Mansfield Park, either, so...maybe it's not that big a deal. But I like the idea of bringing it up, so I will stick to the original as far as his relationship to Antigone is concerned.

Oedipus at Colonus takes place between Oedipus the King and Antigone. The girls are in it but not the boys. Polynices is actually the older brother. Oedipus is "taken" at his death, disappearing and leaving no corpse. I find this really interesting. I may use that somehow.

Of course, in the original Poly and Teo are dead at the beginning of Antigone. In my version, the battle is a debate and neither of them dies at the end of it. But they are doomed in my version nonetheless. None of them can escape their fate--except Ismene. I may change my mind about that, even.

So, again, I know where it's going to go but I just have to get there. I haven't been running much and that may be making a difference. Maybe the creative juices haven't been flowing because I've been avoiding being physical. I've gained 6 pounds since May, when I was in Guys and Dolls. I need to get back on track with the eating and the working out. It's just hard with the show and the weather, too. It's been so cold and grey. Bad excuses, I know.

So tomorrow I will try to run and maybe spend some time working. I've been spending altogether way too much time on FB. It's sucking my soul dry. I'm still hoping for revealing dreams but the only dreams I've had recently have been about my dad in drag and getting a hamburger at the Soup Spoon. I have a new romantic interest in my life, which is not only nice from a relationship standpoint but also good in a creative way--he's been reading and critiquing my work, as I have his.

So I think it's time to sign off for the night. Too late to start working now, although I might try to write a few lines. Tomorrow, as the lady says, is another day.

And it begins again...

2011-09-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

I'm approaching writing this play in a whole new way. Never before have I blogged, journaled, or taken notes on the story. I'm trying to get things flowing so I'm choosing a new angle. The characters speak to me in the individual scenes, but it's hard to find the shape of the whole play.

I wrote a monologue by the "new Tiresias" on Saturday. This weekend was the CTAM fall conference and I met a lot of people in community theater around Michigan. I passed out cards but didn't have near enough. I did, however, give the CTAM president one. We had a nice conversation about the playwrighting contest and he said he was looking forward to reading CO. The contest is in May.

I'm not revising the first act any more. I think that was my way of stalling. I need to figure out how to spin out the second act. I have certain events that I need to have happen; the rest is stringing them together.

I have yet to read the cycle of plays. I think I'll go to Schuler's and buy them. Maybe I will devote this week to reading them. That will surely give me an idea of where to go next.

Well, I'm getting pretty tired. I have a lot to process for this weekend. I may not get to writing tomorrow, but I'll try. Definitely going to Schuler's first.

Ahhh...

2011-09-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Finished Act I! I finally figured out a way to send Tig and Poly into the water. They "wade" on their knees and he "floats" on his back. It's a good addition to the scene. And then Oedipus at the end.

The Nurse is featured throughout the rest of Act II but I had nothing to do with Cora/Housekeeper. However, something occurred to me today. A friend read what I had so far a few days ago and told me that Tiresias is actually both male and female. So I will have the actress playing Cora and the Housekeeper play Tiresias in the second act! Cool, huh?

I'm revising the first act before I finish the play, which I don't usually do. I'm mostly cutting out sentences and changing words, not making big changes. I think I like the scenes where they are. Act II may be more demanding in terms of putting the scenes in the right order. I have to do the arrival in Santa Barbara, setting up house there, maybe taking them to a state park, Tig and Poly reestablishing their relationship with Oedipus as adults, Antigone growing, and Tiresias interjecting monologues. I may write a monologue between the train scene and the beach scene in Act I; I need it if I am to follow the pattern.

It took me a good fifteen minutes to read the first scene. Granted, I close read it, but it showed me that the play may indeed be longer than I first thought. If it takes that long to read a (granted, long) scene, then I may have a slightly longer play than I anticipated. Sounds good to me.

There may be more California scenes than Greece scenes. Not sure why I get that feeling.

Well, I'm going to continue reading and changing little bits as I go along. Later...

Life's a beach

2011-09-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

Having a little trouble with the Greece scene. I've got Tig and Poly on the beach, just a stone's throw from Oedipus' house. Antigone is apprehensive about seeing her father again. They've stopped to rest and are talking about picking up playing instruments again. There is a theme of exploring senses other than sight in their scenes, since Poly is blind. Tig tries to get him to appreciate his other senses and he is beginning to appreciate them in this scene. He is starting to get away from the self-pity and bitterness he first felt about his blindness.

So I have them sitting here talking and I'm stuck. If it were a film, I could send them into the water, but that's not easy to do on stage. I have seen it done before, in As You Like It at Stratford. The actor laid on his back and "floated" while lights suggested the rest. I really like the idea of sound and lights being a central part of this play. I'd love to figure out a way to send them into the ocean.

After I get this scene done, I'm printing out the first act. Then I may leave it til October. Maybe I'll dream about it. A friend says if you think about your problem before bed, you may dream a solution to it. I think I'm going to have longer scenes in the second act, as I've said. That will be a challenge for me. Maybe my increase in running workouts will help. I ran today but I haven't written at all. So I'm here. Probably sitting at Biggby trying to write is not the best idea. There's too much stimulation. The music is too loud and the chairs are too hard. Starbucks was better but I prefer to patronize smaller businesses. Maybe I'll try Gone Wired next time. That's kind of out of my way, though. I guess I'm best off just writing at home.

OyamO, my playwrighting prof at Michigan, said "Don't write a part for a specific actor; write it for a good actor." That's what I do, but knowing so many actors in the area, it's hard to avoid thinking of certain people for roles. I guess it boils down to asking certain people to audition when it comes time. FB invites are a great thing. I refuse to put pressure on a director one way or the other, but I have to say...I do know people that would be really good in certain roles. Ah, well. Back to the beach.

Pardon me, boy...

2011-09-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

Finished the train scene. I read it aloud and it's about 7 minutes. So the page/minute measurement is a little off in my favor. I have ONE MORE scene to write to complete Act I--the scene where Tig and Poly arrive in Greece. This scene will introduce the Nurse, played by the actress who plays Eurydice, and Oedipus, played by the actor who plays Creon.

I'm starting to get a better idea of the shape. Act I sets everything up and promises hope for the future. Act II is a process of unraveling. Things don't go well.

Not sure if I want to keep the alternating scenes up. I'm thinking not. It would get tedious after a while. Maybe I will write longer scenes with more unity of place.

Although I want to work more, I think it's time to put 'er to bed. Tomorrow, as the lady says, is another day.

Fate, fate, and more fate

2011-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

Working on the train scene. I wrote a Tiresias monologue and shifted to the three youths on the train to SB. There's a memory bit with Ismene and Creon where she liberates herself from him. That was a nice surprise. I've written about a page this morning and the scene is about three pages long so far. I'd like to get two more pages done to finish the scene. Right now the script is 30 pages. I wanted the first act to be 45 pp. but it looks like it'll be closer to 35 or 40 at the most. I think each page is more than a minute, though. It would take a reading to really find out.

My typing is getting faster. Good thing. I took a typing test a while back and I was only at 50 wpm. I think I'm at about 60 now. I can type almost as fast as I think. I look at the cursor and the words, so that's better for working on original stuff. Transcribing is harder.

I got a thumb drive yesterday. I wanted to have a backup of the play in case Dora (my computer) died. I love thumb drives! They are so easy to use. If I spill water or something on Dora, I can take the thumb drive to Kinko's and make a copy of the script. It was pretty cheap too--11 bucks for 4 gigs. I would have to write a lot of plays to fill that...!

I'm hoping I'm not beating the theme of fate into the ground. That seems to be all the three youths are talking about in this scene. The part with Creon is a departure, but most of the scene goes: "Can you change things...what is fate and what is chance...how do decisions figure in all this..." blah blah blah. Monsters is not so much about people sitting around talking as in CO, but it's still pretty wordy. I guess language is the most important element in my plays. It's what I look at when I read, and so that comes through in my work.

I want to work on Ismene and Haemon's budding relationship and its opposition to Tig and Poly's incestuous one. What do they have in common and how do they differ? And how does Teo come into all of this? He is the odd man out as far as love is concerned. His "fate" is also different from the others...in the way it unfolds. Trying not to give too much away, but it's hard!

And on another note...I watched the Michigan game in between writing last night and all I have to say is GO BLUE!

More later...maybe a progress report on the train scene...

Closer and closer all the time

2011-09-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

I've come so far since I started writing about Monsters. I've finished the Housekeeper scene, which was a lot easier to write because there were four people to bounce off each other. I copied and pasted the cabin scene so it comes after the Housekeeper scene. I want to go back and forth between the two groups. The next scene is on the train and then the last scene in the act takes place in Greece. So it looks like I might have Act I finished before the end of September! That would be awesome.

The characters are really forming nicely and finding their own voices. They each said what they were supposed to in the Housekeeper scene. What I mean by that is there would be a line that I knew someone had to say and the perfect voice came forward for that particular line.

Ismene, Eteocles, and Haemon pick a random city to go to in California, Santa Barbara. I decided what was going to happen to Teo and did a little research into something...that I don't want to go in to. Suffice it to say that Santa Barbara in the mid-twenties is a perfect place for them to be.

This play is turning out a little like that horror movie where the characters avoid a terrible accident and then they all die in other ways throughout the movie. Not sure what that was called. I don't think that will be a concern. It's silly and just a coincidence.

I want this one to be part of a school curricula. It may sound grandiose, but I think the themes and language make it a play worthy of study. Checking Out is a fun light comedy, but Monsters is more brainy; I could see it being included in a syllabus someday. I had a flash of my old U of M senior seminar professor using it in his class. Silly...but who knows?

I wrote that whole Housekeeper scene today and I'm just best. Gonna take the rest of the night off, maybe do some laundry or clean. No rehearsal tonight. I have the whole weekend to write. Maybe I'll write the train scene. That would be a good goal: write the train scene over the weekend. I think I'll try to do just that. Write and ride at the gym tomorrow, run and write Sunday.

I ran today too, since the Strength and Stretch instructor didn't show up. Our other instructor isn't doing it any more and apparently they don't have anyone new. I was there and prepared to run, so I did that instead. Maybe that freed me up to write this whole scene today. I really think there is a body/mind connection.

Well, I'm off to explore other things for my evening. I have Chinese food coming and I want to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, at least. Attagirl...

Dreaming of the man I love

2011-09-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

Someday he'll come along, The man I love
And he'll be big and strong, The man I love
And when he comes my way
I'll do my best to make him stay
He'll look at me and smile, I'll understand
Then in a little while, He'll take my hand
And though it seems absurd
I know we both won't say a word

Maybe I shall meet him Sunday,
Maybe Monday, maybe not
Still I'm sure to meet him one day
Maybe Tuesday will be my good news day

He'll build a little home, That's meant for two
From which I'll never roam, Who would, would you
And so all else above
I'm dreaming of the man I love

Soooo....I guess I changed my mind...The Man I Love was written in the mid-twenties and has more of the "sound" I'm looking for...kind of wistful. Ain't Misbehavin' is just a little more upbeat, and I think TMIL has a slightly lazier and melancholy tone to it. Antigone's found her man, of course, but it's still a lovely song and I think perfect for a quiet moment between them.

I feel like I can write today, so I'm going to do the best I can here in a minute. I don't know how far I can get, but I'd like to get at least a page in. Maybe two. It would make me very happy if I could end the scene today.

I might as well grab the day for as much writing as I can. I forgot it was Labor Day and that the gym would be closed, so I have more time to write. I could get a run in and I have rehearsal tonight, so I don't have to lose the day. I took a bath last night but didn't devote any down time to thinking about the play...I needed more time away from it. But today I'm refreshed and ready to attack it again.

It's time...

Misbehavin'

2011-09-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

No one to talk with, all by myself
No one to walk with, but I'm happy on the shelf
Ain't misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you.
I know for certain the one I love
I'm through with flirtin', it's just you I'm thinkin' of
Ain't Misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you.
Like Jack Horner in the corner
don't go nowhere, what do I care
Your kisses are worth waitin' for . . . Believe me.
I don't stay out late, don't care to go
I'm home about 8, just me and my radio
Ain't Misbehavin', I'm savin' my love for you

"Ain't Misbehavin'" was written by Fats Waller in 1929. I heard it today in Starbuck's and I guess it stuck in my subconscious. Almost everything else I found that I liked was written in the 30s or later. This is perfect. I was thinking the play would be set closer to the beginning of the 20s but setting it at the end is interesting too--thinking of how close to the Crash it is and how that adds to the sense of impending doom. It gives me a concrete year to set it in, and the excesses of the decade leave the time and people jaded. It's just a really interesting idea.

I've been away from the play for a few days being in Kalamazoo and all. I wanted to give myself a break so I could come back to it refreshed. Now that I have the song I have somewhere to go. I imagine I can get two more good pages in this scene.

One of the Merchant peeps is a writer so I sent what I have so far to him. I'm hoping we can help each other with our work (he's writing right now too). I know of a couple other writers in my circle of friends so maybe we can form some kind of writing group. That might be a good way for us to all help each other.

Okay, time for a bath and more thinking. I'm also keeping a journal with more stream of consciousness notes. I feel like I've never worked on a play so hard as I'm working on this one. I hope it pays off.

What to expect when you're expecting

2011-08-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I know NOTHING about being pregnant. I actually had to look up the week-by-week schedule of what happens on the Internet. Embarrassing. However, I know a lot of women who have been pregnant, so I guess I can go to them for help. I needed to know how soon a woman would feel a kick and if someone could feel the baby moving in the early stages of pregnancy. I'm pretty clueless about the whole thing, obviously. I also don't know how long a transatlantic trip would take in the 1920s. I didn't find anything online about that. I facebooked a friend who worked on cruise ships to see if she had any idea. She didn't know but guessed a month. That sounds about right.

Okay, so cluelessness aside, I did get a lot of work done yesterday. Ended up writing *two* pages. Haven't had much luck today, though. I'm thinking of having her sing to him...so I need to write a song now. Or maybe I can find one online. What would we do without the Internet?

*I think I only need about two pages more. That would make the scene five pages, which is about average.*

I think the penultimate scene will be between Ismene and Oedipus. That's Oedipus at Colonus. In the original trilogy, she is the only one who survives. So...Not to give too much away, but I think the other three will succumb to their fate. One of the questions of the play, as laid out already, is whether our lives are laid out by fate or if we can choose our own destiny.

If you could sum up the idea behind Checking Out, it would be that we all have a right to love and be loved. Marriage dealt with the changing nature of love. Like Drag, Monsters does not deal as directly with love, but the theme is still there. In some ways it can contribute to the monstrosity, in other ways it holds the possibility for light. Antigone and Polynices' unconventional love may be very hard to take for some, especially people who have had experiences with incest. I've tried to make it about desire rather than something sinister. They talk about how being related seems to add to their love rather than turn it into something monstrous. I've been involved with victims of incest more than once and I know this would strike a nerve. But I'm trying to write it as a love story and avoid the grotesque. It's consensual and very different from the forced relationship depicted by Creon and Ismene.

So, I'm getting into writing about themes and details today. I still don't know the next line all the time, but keeping this stuff clear in my head will help me build, I think. Just gotta keep chugging away. I'm now going to get my head in rehearsals by going to get some of the makeup our costume/makeup designer wants us to have for the show. Til tomorrow, then.

I'm on a boat!

2011-08-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

I've set myself a goal of having the first act written by the end of September. There are 7 scenes total in the act; I have written 3 of them. The act ends with the entrance of Oedipus. The next scene I was going to write was to take place at Tiresias' house where Ismene, Eteocles, and Haemon question the Housekeeper, but the scene with Tig and Poly in their cabin overruled this decision.

That was because I got a good image: the two of them in bed in the aftermath of making love. When Marriage was staged, my artistic director got very frustrated because there was a bed in the first scene only and he thought it was cumbersome. Now I realize a bed can just be a platform with a sheet over it. I want the set pieces to be minimal--chairs and a table for the first two scenes, a platform for Eteocles in the tomb scene, and the same platform in the cabin scene. I like using lights to create spaces, and I envision this happening a lot. The production team can work out the logistics of all this. It doesn't have to be a problem.

Now I'm having a hard time stretching that scene. They start out talking about the baby and what it's like to not be able to see. I want them to talk about Oedipus and what Greece will be like. I wrote a half a page yesterday and I'd like to write another page today. The play is 17 pages so far. It's very condensed--a lot takes place in that time. I'm assuming a page per minute so that's about 20 minutes. I want each act to be about 45 minutes, with a total run time of 105 minutes (1 and 3/4 hr). So, short but sweet. It's just hard for me to see it running any longer. Maybe it will bump up once I know where it's going a little bit more.

Revisiting the original story will help. This whole thing started with the conflict between the two brothers in the original. Eteocles is buried in state while Polynices is left for the daws to peck at. Antigone intervenes with disastrous results. I believe she hangs herself at the end. So...! be prepared for some tears.

I think I may read the whole trilogy: Oedipus, Antigone, and Oedipus at Colonus.

Some thoughts on the Housekeeper:
Originally I wanted her to speak a kind of broken English like Sara does in CO, but I don't think that would work now. None of the other adults speak that way. It might be too cliche' to have the "woman from the old country" be more foreign than the others who came from the same place.

She's played by the same actress who plays Cora, so the actress can have some fun differentiating the two characters. The Housekeeper will start out wary of the three young people, but she will open up once she realizes who they are. She will tell them what happened to Tiresias and help them get their money. Can't see this scene taking too long...

And what about Tiresias? I have to figure out where he's gone and how much the Housekeeper will tell the kids. I'm quite happy to keep him in limbo, delivering monologues in a spot. He's not the narrator, more like a commentator.

I was worried about the spare dialogue in scene 3, that it was too different from the dialogue in the first two scenes. I'm not too worried about it now. It's started to settle into a comfortable rhythm, my voice coming out rather than Beckett's or something. It's spare because the characters are talking to each other as people who have known each other for a long time. The dialogue in scene 4 is more full. More like the beginning.

I'm sitting here with my coffee, having put off going to my exercise class and deciding to go for a run instead. I think that helps free things up. It's a great day for a run--sunny and not stifling. What a wonderful time to hatch a play...when the earth is changing and the air has a bite to it. And rehearsals are going so well. The guys really found some good moments last night. James knows how to pull their best work out of them.

I need to get on with my day. I'd love to just sit and write all day, but there's other things that need doing. Hopefully this won't take care of my life. I once wrote a monologue on a piece of register tape when I was working at Express in SF. Can't do that anymore...or can I? ;)

Attagirl...

Okay is okay!

2011-08-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

Progress report:

I have a habit of not doing enough research for a play. This time I want to explore a little more in that regard. I use the word "okay" several times and wanted to know if that word was used in the 20s. I did a little Internet digging and found that it was first used in 1838. It was also used in WW I to mean "0 killed." So that's really exciting since I refer to WW I several times.

I also found some other good words I'm going to use: attagirl (meaning go girl), all wet (meaning all wrong--but I'm giving it a double meaning at one point), corked (drunk), What's eating you? (also used to mean two things in the play), and okay.

Something cool to impress your friends: The word "upchuck" goes all the way back to the 20s! I did not know that!

So there's 12 characters in the play, but only 9 actors. How did I manage that? Through the magic of double casting! Here's how it works:

Antigone
Polynices
Eteocles
Ismene
Haemon
Tiresias
Creon/Oedipus
Eurydice/Nurse
Cora/Housekeeper

I don't think nine actors is too much. Less than Checking Out! A good number for a community theater or a professional theater. I may find it doesn't work for a lot of playwrighting contests, but it may be "okay" for some. :)

I made some discoveries last night. I want to keep some as surprises. One I will disclose is that the last scene goes allllll the way back to when Oedipus is saying goodbye to his children.

The scenes are short, episodic in nature. I have a hard time writing long scenes--CO has the longest scenes of any play I've written. Lots of good writers (coughShakespearecough) write short scenes (I don't mean to compare myself to him in any way, don't worry!).

The hardest part is staring at that blinking cursor. I went for a run last night to clear my head, and I think that freed something up. Then I sat in the bath with one of my 10 cent bath cubes I got at the LCP rummage sale and made notes. Some very sad things are going to happen in this play. Sorry. It is a Greek tragedy, after all!

Back to the grind...attagirl...

And we're back.

2011-08-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

I had abandoned this blog because I was tired of just cataloguing events in my life. I know blogs can be about anything but I wanted to do something...more. And I think I've found out what that is.

Checking Out has been selected to be part of LCP's 2011-2012 season. It's going up in Spring 2012. We've got a great director and a new auditorium. Everyone has been hoping LCP will "rise from the ashes" and I think we've got a good chance of doing that. For both selfish and selfless reasons, I want LCP to survive.

So now, I'm working on a new play, and this brings me to the new purpose of this blog. This one is called Monsters; it's a reenvisioning of the Antigone story. It's set very loosely in the 20s--a favorite era of mine--and leaps from one location to another, suggested by very minimal set and lighting that creates different spaces. In this version, Antigone and Polynices are lovers and Creon has been sexually abusing Ismene. Haemon is a drunk and Tiresias is ignored by the rest of the family as he tries to warn them of their monstrous fate. The first scene is a party at Creon's estate in America that gets out of hand and ends with Polynices shooting Eteocles and Eteocles blinding Polynices. Eteocles is taken to the hospital and Antigone takes Polynices to Tiresias' house, where they are helped by his housekeeper to get to Greece.

The second scene takes place four hours earlier, setting things in motion retrospectively (I was in my Caryl Churchill phase when I first began this play in San Francisco). We learn at the end that Antigone is pregnant with Polynices' child.

I thought that would be a great ending to this short play that was one of a cycle of Greek tragedies I wrote long ago and far away. But Mom recently reminded me that a writer doesn't rest on her laurels and so I dusted it off. It's always fascinated me and I want to see how far I can go with it.

The third scene, moving chronologically again now, takes place in the tomb where the family has placed Eteocles. We hear him screaming in the dark as he realizes that he's not crazy or dead, but has been left for dead. Ismene enters and calms him, telling him his heart had stopped and the family thought he was dead.

*I want to leave certain mysteries alone; I don't want to get into explaining what happened to Teo or the mechanics of death or supposed death. I find leaving it alone makes things more interesting for the actor, the director, and the audience.*

Haemon, who has stopped drinking, enters and is astounded to see Eteocles. Ismene gets them to focus and shows them a passageway out. They spend the next part of the scene talking and walking, possibly through the audience.

Ismene is changed. She starts out shy and kind of whiny, but she starts to come into her own in this scene. She is level-headed and is adopting some measure of smarts and strength.

The scene splits between the three young people going through the tunnel and Antigone and Polynices on a boat headed for Greece. The chemistry between them that must be there from the get-go is even stronger. They talk about their act as newlyweds and what their wedding would be like.

Ismene, Haemon and Eteocles decide that the best thing for them to do would be to head West and start a new life. They begin planning how they will get to their savings and make their way out there by train. So now we have two voyages: the trip to Greece by boat and the trip West by train.

The scene ends with a monologue by Tiresias where he talks about how everything is written in stone, that no one can alter the future by their actions. He doesn't say the siblings and Haemon will fail as such, however.

Some thoughts:

Like Checking Out, this show has lots of characters. Antigone, Polynices, Eteocles, Ismene, Haemon, Creon, Eurydice, Cora (a family friend--she is a malaprop and her name is a play on Chorus), and Tiresias.

Producers look for plays with small casts; you don't have to pay as many people. Musicals can have more characters because musicals have bigger budgets. Little community theaters love plays like Checking Out BECAUSE there are so many parts; the more the merrier. I find it really hard to write shows with small casts. I have written a one act, two character, unit set show. It was a beast to write. I like to set people up and let them talk--and the more people they have to talk to, the more interesting I think it is. So how can I reconcile this with what I know is a sticking point for professional theater? It wasn't always like this. We've had plays like The Crucible and Our Town and Streetcar. Those were, and are, successful plays even with their large casts. Maybe things will change, or maybe I'll get popular enough that professional theaters will take a chance on me.

But the bigger question is: What do I do now?

I have NO IDEA where to go with this. With CO, I had dreamed the whole play and sketched it out in longhand on paper that first early morning. Marriage began and ended with an image; all I needed to do was connect the dots. Drag was looser. It was more political and had a drive that moved it forward.

So this blog now exists to jog my brain into figuring out the shape of the play. I don't know where it's going, but when it gets there I'll be glad.

I know a few things: Antigone and Polynices will arrive in Greece while Ismene, Haemon, and Eteocles travel West. I kind of wanted Ismene to visit Oedipus (Oedipus at Colonus) but I don't think that's practical. So I may have to cut some lines about that in the tomb scene. It's Antigone and Polynices who have to go to Greece.

Is Oedipus going to be part of the play? I haven't decided that yet. Maybe he could be double-cast with Creon? I kind of like that idea.

I know it seems like I don't know what I'm doing, and maybe I don't. That's what this blog is now for--to help me find my way through the tunnel. Look for the light...

2011-05-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

SOOO much to report! I haven't written in a long time because I wanted to store up a lot of news to make the entry really mean something. I often feel like this is just a record of things that happen in my life, and that's not always interesting. So I'm going to break it down.

Weight/fitness: I am down to 144 pounds! So happy about that. I LOVE the way I look in the mirror. Clothes that haven't fit for a long time are almost loose on me. I've saved money by "rediscovering" old clothes, notably a few cute miniskirts that have been too small for years!

I haven't kept up with my running and I haven't picked a race. So I'm kind of slacking in that department. It's been hard to really see myself as a runner. I know if I just get back into a groove it will come easier. The nice weather should help--I'm better outside than on the treadmill. I am working with Stephanie every week and trying to get to Interval and Strength and Stretch. We did power yoga in S & S one day and it actually wore me out!

Career: I'm tutoring young people trying to get their GED. When I originally wanted to teach a large part of my desire stemmed from a drive to help teenagers. I feel like I'm doing that now in an even more direct way. Most of the kids are driven to work, although we did have a boy walk out. He said he wanted to take the practice test, but when I came in to check on him he was gone.

Romance: It didn't work out with Lance. I just didn't feel any chemistry with him. I feel like he's too formal in person. I have made a connection with another guy who lives in Mason, which is nice because it's not too far from here. We're going to coffee soon, after the show closes. Which brings me to...

The Show: The rehearsal process has been interesting. The director cast the show very well, excellent voices in both leads and small parts. The chorus has worked hard and we have also shone. But there's been scheduling problems and we've only recently been able to rehearse with anything near a full cast. This makes rehearsals disjointed and hurts morale. We are getting closer as a cast and I think next week will bring everything into focus, both onstage and off. The best thing I can do is act and sing my part to the fullest.

And future theater: Auditions for Merchant of Venice are coming up the weekend after Guys and Dolls closes. I'm working on my monologue and I'm going to re-read the play. I really want Portia but I'd also just like to be in it. It would be fun to work with Mike again.

I also got a part without having to audition, which is always fun. Riverwalk is doing a show called "Conspiracy" in October. The show calls for one female non-speaking part. I didn't really consider auditioning. The director contacted me and offered it to me. I thought about it and decided it would be a good experience. I've worked with the director before as a fellow actor and I've seen his work in other shows. It's going to be a fascinating play. It's about the Nazis' "Final Solution". It is based on an HBO movie and has NEVER been performed on stage before. The author is actually coming to the show!!! So I will be part of something really wonderful.

Spirituality: Stephanie and I went to the meeting in March. We had a wonderful time. I feel like this is the right place for me. I'll be talking about it more as I go to more meetings.

And what else?...Spring is here, I think (never sure in Michigan). I got Mom a wonderful Mother's Day present and I will see her in a few weeks. Margaret is back working, focusing on testing, which she really loves. Dad had eye surgery to correct a detached retina, but he's doing fine. I worry that I will also have eye problems but my eye doctor took pictures of my retina the last time I was there and things looked good. Remya just got back from her anniversary trip to California and Vegas so the last time we met we looked at photos and talked. Lots of good things!

Hanging up now...

Change in the wind

2011-03-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

Lots to report. My weight has stabilized at 147, 2 pounds from my goal. Am I asking too much to lose those last two pounds? Weighing 145 instead of 147 wouldn't really change how I look or how I feel. But it's a number I want to get to. People have continued to say how great I look and I know that's what counts, not a number. But it would be nice...!

I ran the longest I've ever run on the treadmill tonight. 5 minutes run, 1 minute walk, lather, rinse, repeat. I did a little over two miles. I ran slow--5.0 miles/hr. I wanted to run faster but I wasn't able to keep the cycle up at a faster speed. Stephanie had told me to slow down. I don't think I'll do really well this first race. Well, it's the effort that counts, right?

I'm in a show--Guys and Dolls at Holt and Dimondale Community Players. I'm one of the mission "dolls". I've only been to two rehearsals so far and I have this week off except Friday. The music director used to be the choir director at my old church. She left under kind of a dark cloud, and I decided to move on partly because of that.

I've been spending time with Lance, a guy I met on plenty of fish. He lives in Grosse Pointe. He's a financial advisor and has two little girls. We've been having a good time. He wrote me that I seemed nervous around him, which was interesting considering I thought he felt nervous around me. He has a writing persona that doesn't match with his face-to-face persona. Maybe we all present a different face online. I guess the best thing to do is to keep seeing each other and working it out.

The vet checked Spot's urine and found a great deal of bacteria. So back on antibiotics she goes. We've completed 4 days of a 14-day cycle. We're retesting at 7-10 days. I hope she's okay. She is such an important part of my life.

I'm not working with the kids right now. We lost our grant, so the program can't go on. It was heartbreaking telling the kids. They said things like "Why don't we have a fundraiser?" and "I'm going down there and telling them...". I tried to explain that we needed a lot of money and that the decision was final. At least we got to finish our videos and we had a "film festival" on the last day. That was at Leslie. Gardner was weird because there were a few boys that just came in out of nowhere on the last day, and they made the session difficult. They didn't seem to understand that it was over. Jen took some pictures and we saw their video as well.

The February ice storm made it impossible for Stephanie and me to go to Adrian but we're hoping to go in March. March 20th is the spring solstice so that will be a very special day. My "Lent wreath" didn't go up this year; instead, I will put up the spring wreath March 20th.

Change in the wind...

Hanging up now...

Woman on the Verge

2011-02-11T16:19:00.001-08:00

Stephanie gave me a book to read called "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter". It's about a Southern Baptist woman's journey from conventional, confining Christianity to the sacred feminine. It's wonderful. I like it because it celebrates women as we are, not what we may be after death. The author discusses how we can come to see ourselves not as wives, daughters, and mothers, but as women. I'm really looking forward to the meeting. My reading was so positive and it spurred me on to this next step.

This past Wednesday was Anti-Bullying Day but you wouldn't have known it from our boys' group. One boy walked out and came back three times (one of those times he slammed the door) and another boy walked out and didn't come back. We didn't get anything done because they were fighting so much. The sad thing is that there were only a few negative boys in the whole group; the rest were getting along okay but they were drowned out by the negative attitudes of the others. The tyranny of the few.

My weight was up 1/2 pound, which doesn't really bother me, but I want to be at my goal weight by February 14 and I'm three pounds away. I have three days to lose it and I don't think I'm going to make it (it's not very healthy to lose a pound a day!).

Super Bowl party was fun. I really liked the Eminem-Chrysler-Detroit ad. It showed another side of Detroit and offered a message of hope. Anita brought Darby over and he howled with Mom. She got him started. It was a little embarrassing, but hey, it's my mom.

I want to bliss out in the sauna so I'll say by bye for now.

Hanging up now...

Storms and rumors of storms

2011-02-03T15:29:00.000-08:00

We just survived the first wave--and hopefully the LAST wave--of Snowpocalypse 2011. It wasn't as bad as the weather people predicted. The snow started Tuesday night and continued through Wednesday. I stayed home yesterday, playing on FB, reading, and working out at the apartment complex clubhouse. I ran the entire workout this time. Felt great. Stephanie said I should just go slower on the run part so I ran more like an 11 minute mile rather than a 9 1/2 minute mile. No workout today. Strength and Stretch tomorrow. I decided I'm going to start a new tradition of getting in the Y hot tub after S & S and totally blissing out. Not tomorrow, however. Tomorrow I'm leaving for Kzoo for the weekend. I'm going to see my buddy Bailey and darling Darby. Oh, and watch the Super Bowl, of course ;)

The world continues to turn and change. I don't understand what's happening in Egypt. It just seems to be getting worse and worse. I'd like to think they can establish a democratic state, but I think there will be a lot of bloodshed and corruption on the way. Our fearless leader has a difficult road ahead of him as far as our role is concerned. How much can we help and how should we help? I really hope this doesn't become another Iraq. Part of me wants to say "Let them sort it out for themselves". At the same time, we have an obligation as a world superpower to reach out and offer our help or take a stand and withdraw our support until the country moves towards a democracy.

I did a reading last night on my spiritual journey. I wanted to know if I was headed in the right direction and how that direction would take shape. The Queen of Disks, the Priestess, and the 2 of cups all showed up. The Queen of Disks symbolizes the Earth mother, and the Priestess, well, that's pretty self explanatory. The two of cups symbolizes a romantic union and that was in the future position. There was also quite a bit about community and even leadership of a group. I took this to mean that I'm on the right track, and that I can find what I'm looking for in a more earth-centered, woman-centered discipline.

The presence of the two of cups intrigued me. It may mean a purely romantic union is coming through this community I'm going to find (or found?) or it could symbolize the union of ideas within a community. Stephanie meets with a goddess-centered group once a month and I texted her to ask when the next meeting was. She said they are meeting February 20th and March 20th (March 20th is the Spring Equinox). I guess there's a book I should read first so she is loaning that to me. I'm excited about all this!

When I was at Meijer stocking up Tuesday, I saw a woman who was in my prayer group before she moved on to another church. We were glad to see each other but I held back about my new spiritual direction. She wouldn't understand--she's very devout and sees only one way. I think it's important to remember there are lots of ways we can intersect that don't have to do with dogma. I wish people in religious wars could see that. No, we're not all the same, but we have similar experiences and feel the same repercussions that come from being human.

Rethinking my position on working out tonight--I think I will do elliptical and relax in the hot tub afterwards. Just a nice and easy recovery workout. C ya!

Hanging up now...

Disappointments, triumphs, and an eye toward the future

2011-01-30T17:53:00.000-08:00

So the email I got from Walt started like this: "Sarah, I'm sure you're a nice person but..." Yeah, you know what's coming next. He said he just didn't feel any chemistry. Strange because I thought there was chemistry, but I guess it was one-sided. We will continue to be friends and we are still going to Ann Arbor to see Jeremy Kittell on February 27th.

I've continued to do readings and they've been interesting. Good things about my career, my theater, my commercial work. I'm trying to be handy with the cards so that I can do readings for others. I'm going to Kalamazoo for Super Bowl Sunday and Mom wants me to do a reading for her. She doesn't believe in the power of the cards, but she thinks it would be fun. I'm looking forward to it.

Disappointing workout tonight. I'm working on the treadmill trying to expand my aerobic endurance by running one more minute each week. It's a regimen Stephanie set up for me. This week I'm supposed to walk two minutes, run three minutes, and repeat for 30 minutes. I was only able to keep it up for 2 1/2 cycles. I then walked for another 5 minutes or so and then did 20 minutes on the Arc Trainer. So I kept moving for more than 30 minutes but it wasn't what I was supposed to do. I'm trying to look at it as a practice run.

I'm down to two pounds away from my weight loss goal. Exciting! Stephanie says I should shoot for being at my goal by Valentine's Day. More exciting: I lost 2 inches in my waist over the last 6 weeks. If I continue to lose 2" every 6 weeks, I will be at my waist size goal in 12 weeks. My fat % also went down. Good news!

LCP is doing Merchant of Venice this summer. Portia is one of my dream roles. Auditions will consist of a prepared monologue and readings from the script. Mike wants us to be flexible enough and strong enough in our monologues that we can take direction and stop and start. I will really have to know my stuff. I'm doing Kate's monologue from the end of Taming of the Shrew. It's a toughie--not memorization-wise, but subject-matter-wise. Portia and Kate are both strong characters, so I think the monologue will be a good choice for the show. And it's one of the only ones I could find that was 3 minutes long--he wants them to be 3-5 minutes. So long for a Shakespeare audition! Most of the auditions I have been to call for a maximum of two minutes.

I think I have a good chance at getting in--Mike has worked with me and I think we have a good professional relationship. The question is: Does he see me as Portia? I will have to work hard to show him I can do the role. If I do Portia, I will have played the trifecta of strong Shakespeare women: Beatrice, Lady Macbeth, and Portia. How wonderful that would be!

Here's to great parts and great playwrights.

Hanging up now...

Lights, camera, ACTION!

2011-01-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

I got a tarot card reading last night. The cards said some strange things. My business came up and she said that was going to yield me success. But when I asked about Walt, the cards seemed off. At least, that's what I thought. The reader kept seeing that he was very busy and there was no clear indication that we would end up together. Maybe I just didn't want to believe the cards, but the reading indicated something I didn't see in our developing relationship.

However, when I talked to him last night, I found out that he had been very busy. He drove a car from work all over to empty the gas tank so they knew for sure how much the tank held. He then came home and got a workout in, but he didn't feel like it was a very good one because he was tired from the work he had done that day. I asked him if he was always busy or if he found time for himself and he said he was always busy.

I don't put much stock in readings. I think they're inaccurate and very much influenced by the reader. But it's fun to get them. I have a deck of my own and have been doing some readings on my own, just for answers to questions that are on my mind. I think I'm more open to things like this as I get farther away from Christianity.

The reading turned up some good things as far as my business; she said that would go well. And we had a great day today with the kids. The boys were amazingly cooperative and supportive of each other. A model day. We finished one video and are almost done with the other. I got to be in one as the teacher who one of the "heroes" gets to help.

And speaking of my burgeoning film career...I got my check from the commercial work today! My agent wrote me a nice letter thanking me for allowing him to represent me and he hoped this would be the first of many opportunities. How cool!

I had a dream about Bailey. He was lying on the floor shivering and I laid down next to him and covered him with part of my bathrobe. I guess my worry about him is affecting my subconscious. In the dream, I was able to comfort him. I hope he's feeling okay. Anita has posted some pictures on FB of Bailey and Darby playing. They are so sweet together!

Our friendships make all the difference sometimes.

Hanging up now...

All Around Us

2011-01-15T17:36:00.000-08:00

Things have been going really well. Met Walt for lunch again today at a place called Beans and Cornbread. We had a great time. He has so many good qualities. I'm amazed he hasn't ever been married. He seems like a catch!

Had a great walk/run today. I did it on the treadmill at the gym because I'm doing a new program Stephanie gave me. It's four minutes of walking followed by one minute of running; repeat for half an hour. I was able to run a 9:22 minute mile...but only for a minute. My goal is to be able to run a 10 minute mile or less for thirty minutes. I'm doing this because I'm running a 5 K in May, and if I run a 10 minute mile, I'll come in at just over 1/2 hour. That would be good for a first race!

I've been doing a little digging into Pantheism. It's about turning towards nature and away from a God-centered view of the world. Both Emerson and Thoreau were Pantheists. I think it would be a good idea to go to Triple Goddess Bookstore and see if I can find any books on the subject. I'm due for a reading anyway!

Found out that Bailey has cancer. It makes me so sad. He's my buddy! He gets nodes on his skin that his vet removes, and I just didn't realize that was cancer. I have no idea how long he's going to live. I want to see him as much as possible before he goes. I'm glad Anita has Darby to fill a space in her life. The boys play together and Anita posted some pics of them playing on Facebook. So sweet!

I'm so glad my Spot is healthy. Her bloodwork turned out great; it always does. She has been more playful lately too. I've been taking more time to pet and love her. I know her days are numbered too.

Isn't it wonderful we have animals in our lives?

Hanging up now...

2011-01-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

I'm bored out of my mind right now. I have that weird feeling like I'm supposed to be somewhere. But I don't know where. I've been sitting in front of FB since I got home from work, not doing anything. I need to be in a show or something.

Walt called last night. I guess it WAS too early for me to jump to conclusions. We talked for an hour. I learned a little bit about his musical tastes and more about his family. I asked him about kids and he didn't say he definitely wanted them. I think he feels like I do about kids--he likes them but doesn't have to have them.

Been thinking about spirituality. I may explore other ways of feeling something greater than myself. There are definitely forces created by nature; that is something we can experience directly. Seasons change, humans impact the environment in sometimes negative ways...I like to experience nature in all its different incarnations. I might go on the web and see what I can find along these lines.

Went to Interval today. I was hoping my legs wouldn't get too overworked but we did lots of jumping, squatting,and lunging. We did some weights work--not enough, in my opinion. I think it's best when I do a lot of weight-bearing exercise. I've observed that I lose more weight on weeks I do more strength training.

Okay, I'm going on the web and seeing what I can find about nature-centered beliefs. I'll have much to report back, I'm sure.

Hanging up now...

1-1-11

2011-01-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of 2011, and it's been cool. Last night was Joe's party and we all got decked out in all our fancy finery and belted out some ballads. I left pretty early--about 12:30. Just felt like calling it a night.

Today I got up before my alarm. This is a really good thing for me--I often WAKE up before my alarm, but GETTING up is another matter. I do love my sleep, especially in winter. But I rolled out of bed to feed the cat and myself.

I wanted to do something different for my first breakfast of the New Year, so I made myself an egg white omelet. I was actually able to fold it and get it out of the pan without making a big mess. So two things turning out well!

Then I saw the Spartans get stomped. Painful. I couldn't watch the last few minutes, it was so bad. I decided to run my bad feelings out. I ran the old path that I've been trying to conquer. I only walked a little bit. It felt great to know I could just get back into it like that! Only thing was I almost froze my ears off, so next time I'm wearing my hat.

Other than that, I've just been Facebooking and cleaning. Got the apt. picked up and dusted and ran the vacuum around a little bit. I also took out the trash and it smells good in here. Haven't had any more problems with the stinky smoker.

My lunch with Walt went really well; however, I haven't heard from him since. I may have been a little too forward when I proposed going his way next time--maybe I shouldn't have assumed there would be a next time. But he seems to like me and I like him. I have a tendency to overthink things like this so I know I should just be patient. It's so hard, though!

I asked people about their New Year's resolutions for 2011, and few seemed to have any. I didn't really make any either. I feel like my life is going in the right direction and I don't really see how things could be better, other than having a partner. That would be nice.

Since I got up (relatively) early this morning, I'm sort of drifting now. So I'll say, as I have before--

Hanging up now....

An actor's life for me!

2010-12-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I have some great news! I have done my first commercial. I didn't even have to audition. I sent my headshot and resume to what is now my agency. They got me a job with the "client" making an ad for a credit union. And off I went! It was so cool!

I had to use a lot of imagination and precision in the filming. Working with film is so different from live theater. It's easier and harder at the same time. We can do many takes, so it's not as intimidating as when we get one chance in a stage performance. But we take many many takes until the director gets exactly what he wants. (I say he because the director of this particular shoot was male; it could have just as easily been a female director.) They have to deal with technical stuff right then and there, rather than having a week to iron it out as with theater.

So I guess the question that arises is: Which do I like better? Well, it's been awfully fun to do the commercial. I look forward to getting more work. It's more like immediate gratification; the shoot took an hour as opposed to a rehearsal period of six weeks. Of course, there is nothing like creating a character and watching her grow. But it's also fun to go in and do it quick and dirty. I guess doing film is thrilling. We'll see how I feel as time goes on and I get more work.

I've always said that I do this for fun, but that it would be great to get paid. Well, I got paid for this, and it wasn't chump change! The whole thing happened so fast, from sending off my resume and headshot to getting the job to doing the commercial and signing with the agency. I now understand that "ten years to be an overnight success". I don't know if I'm an overnight success, but I have put in a lot of work and gotten a lot of rejections. I talked about my feelings about this just recently. But this time not only did I not get rejected, I didn't even have to audition!

I would love to do several commercials a year. I have a few friends who have done commercials and I'll admit I'm jealous. Well, now I have joined their ranks. Hooray!

Switching gears...the Novi guy didn't work out. That's okay though, because there is a new guy now, from Roseville. We have emailed back and forth and talked on the phone. We're meeting for lunch at Traveler's Club this Friday. I have until Monday (week from today) off and then I go back to Gateway.

I have a really good feeling about this guy. He's intelligent, articulate, has a Master's degree and a good job, is physically active, and doesn't say "lol" every other sentence (which annoys me). Never married, no kids. Good relationship with parents. Interested in learning new things--he told me he'd like to take an acting class. And he's cute, which isn't the most important thing, but it helps.

So there's two good things. I also am now a card-carrying member of the Dramatists Guild of America. I get a monthly magazine and a publication listing both theaters accepting new plays (worldwide) and agents (mostly in NY and LA). Also included was a playwrights' bill of rights that interested me. I need to get on it and send Checking Out to LCP--haven't done that yet. I'll try to remember for tomorrow.

Okay, with all this activity, I almost forgot to talk about Christmas! I went home and put up the tree Christmas Eve. We went to Voyage of the Dawn Treader which was fantastic. They slipped in a little Christian message at the end that I had either skipped over or misunderstood when I read the book. Aslan tells Lucy that in our world (Earth) he is "known by another name" and that she should learn to love that one as she does him. So the Christian God comes into this wonderful pagan tale. Made me think--is religion crammed down our throats at every turn? I'm really changing my position regarding Christianity. I don't know if I'd even call myself a Christian any more. I'll continue to trace my journey through all this. I haven't been praying and don't feel the need to. I see love on the faces and in the season around me, and that is enough.

We feasted, opened presents, and watched our Christmas movies Christmas Day. Mom and Dad liked the presents I got them. Mom gave me a really cool calendar, and Dad gave me some pens I've been wanting. I also got a new wallet, which I really needed. Dad gave Mom the pirouettes again, and she said they were the only cookies she would let him get her and that she wasn't sharing them with the guys in the store.

That night I was talking to Walt on the phone when Mom brought Darby into my room. Darby is Anita's new puppy, and he is just a doll. I squealed and told Walt I'd have to call him back. We played with Darby on the bed and then went downstairs to where Anita was waiting with Darby's big brother, Bailey. I think I've talked about Bailey. He is my favorite dog of all time. I told him he was good to share us with Darby and that I still liked him best.

Sunday Dad and I watched Up--my gift to them last year. Then we took a walk and then Mom came home from the store. She fried up some fish and we watched the Grinch, which we hadn't gotten to the night before. I went to bed early so I could make it to Battle Creek by 10 AM. I'm doing another project on camera that will take the form of an online game. That's not paid, but it's good experience. We worked on that for three hours and I got back around 2:45.

So now I'm sitting in my rapidly chilling house, getting ready to turn up the heat and suck on the candy cane Anita got me. I'm enjoying my time off but I'll be ready to go back. Joe's having his NYE party again, and I've got a new dress. The holiday season continues to be fun!

Peace

2010-12-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

Did all I said I would do in the last entry. My new flyer looks great. I found the Dramatists' Guild online and applied to be a member. And I also found a video on how to make a drum. So all my incarnations are fulfilled and happy!

Haven't been praying the past few nights. There was a time in my life when I felt I couldn't sleep until I prayed, but that hasn't been the case lately. I find it kind of hypocritical for me to pray now, actually. I don't want it to be just out of habit. God knows what is on my heart.

Good news on the dating front: I tweaked my profile and immediately got two responses. I then did some looking on my own and found a guy I like. We are emailing back and forth. He lives in Novi, the only drawback. Adam says it's about an hour from here. That's a tough trip to make in the winter.

I'm ready for Christmas. The presents are bought, the Christmas cards have been sent out. I'm lucky in that I don't have much to do. One of the pluses of not being married with kids, I guess.

So that's what's up with me. Everything is chugging along nicely. Good to be in a good place.

Hanging up now...

Multiple personalities

2010-12-13T16:17:00.001-08:00

WHERE ARE THE SALT TRUCKS???

We had a snowstorm Saturday night. It left us with quite a bit of snow and very icy roads. I thought the roads would be taken care of by today, but they're still awful. I have seen several snowplows but no salt anywhere. Even the highway was bad. I drove to Oak Park at about 30 mph the whole way.

I called ahead today to make sure Interval was going forward. The desk person said it was, so I drove all the way out there on crappy roads. When I got there, I found out that the class had been cancelled after all. So it was a total waste of my time. I went to Sushi Blue and ran into Ann and Adam. So the three of us ate lunch together. At least that was a bright spot.

Then I went to Parkwood and did weights. It was a good workout. Tomorrow I'm doing a Zumba class at Oak Park. It is the time for "Fitness Buffet". This means there are a whole lot of new classes being offered for the next two weeks. I'm doing some new things, which I will report on as I take the classes.

I'm also re-reading American Psycho. It continues to be a fascinating book. The narrative is so strong. Bateman jumps from talking about what people are wearing to his violent fantasies in one sentence. Ellis lets us in on his sickness before writing even one murder scene. For instance, there's a scene at the dry cleaners where he yells at the owners over the blood that won't come out of his sheets. Then he wonders how to firebomb the place.

Not sure why I love these novels about serial killers. Both the Hannibal series and American Psycho grab my attention in a profound way. I have no desire to follow the lives of real serial killers; Manson and Bundy and their ilk are real-life monsters, and that's scary. But the fictional monsters are cool! Maybe as a fellow writer I appreciate an author's ability to get inside the head of someone that twisted.

Lansing Civic Players is accepting plays for their 2011 season, speaking of writers. I am going to submit Checking Out. They said comedies will be considered first so I have that advantage. I think they'd like it--lots of characters and meaty subject matter. Mom also recommended I look into joining something called the Dramatists' Guild. I guess it's a good resource for playwrights that a writer told her about.

I think I'm done with religion for now. I didn't go to Fellowship for Today Sunday, even though I could have. I just didn't feel the need. I'm still praying, not sure why. Maybe out of habit? Maybe people go to church for the same reason, out of habit. I don't want my link to God to be like a habit. I want it to stem from love. This Christmas will be very interesting with my new perspective. It's always been about family for me, but it will be less about the religious aspects of the season. I'm not involved with OCC's cantata and I won't be going to the Candlelight Service. I'm actually going home Christmas Eve day and staying till the 27th.

The job is going great. The boys were a little rowdy last week. We are working on "PSAs" about bullying, and last week we scouted locations. We went out to the soccer field and I had some trouble keeping them together. Two of the boys were fighting (not physically, but close) and so I had to deal with that. We talked it out when we got back in the classroom.

I'm going to ask Jen what she thinks of us doing a drum circle. I've done it in other groups and it can work really well. I could see the boys really enjoying it. It's somewhat physical, and it gives them an arena where it's OK to be loud. The hardest thing for us would be getting enough drums together and making sure they didn't get damaged. Maybe we could make something that would make a similar noise. That might work.

So, I've got some thinking to do. I'm going to go on the web and look up the Dramatists' Guild. I also want to work on a flyer to put up to get more students. And I want to look into making drums or something. I've got my work cut out for me this week. Feeding my three identities--love it!!

2010-12-04T14:14:00.000-08:00

Didn't get the student film. I knew I wasn't right for it. The next thing I try out for will be Vincent in Brixton, directed by Mary Job. I really want to work with her; everything she does is amazing. I've tried out for her once, and of course I didn't get in. Everyone wants to work with her.

Saw Burlesque today and it was great. It inspired me to be more feminine and glamorous. I've been living in heels this weekend, first at a concert last night, then today, and tomorrow again for a premiere. My heels I wore today are very like a pair the lead wears in the movie. I'm feeling so good about my body that I want to show it off to its best advantage. I'm not a twentysomething size 2, but I think I look pretty damn good for forty. And I plan to keep looking good.

My first week at Gateway went great. I really enjoy working with these kids. They have so much sadness and instability in their lives, but we provide an island of support and hope. I can't go into individual stories here because it's all confidential. But they are great kids. We are working on a "peace tree" (rather than a Christmas tree). Jen (the teacher I'm working with) is making a tree out of copper wire and we are making ornaments to put on it. The ornaments are glass balls that we drew on with sharpies. Jen comes up with some great ideas! I hope something will strike me (maybe in my sleep!) that we can do.

Went to both Interval and Strength and Stretch this week. Hoping to do this every week. Today I'm going to Parkwood to burn on the Arc Trainer. I'm struck by the difference between scales: the MAC scale says I have stayed about steady the past few weeks, whereas the Parkwood scale shows a loss of two pounds. The Oak Park shows the lowest weight. I'm going by the MAC scale because we weigh at a consistent time and earliest, right after breakfast. But I like to see the numbers go down at Parkwood. The weight is higher, though--around 153.

So now I'm going to get some dinner and go to Parkwood. Hanging up now...

Audition thoughts

2010-11-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

Got back from the audition a little while ago. I found the studio with a little help from people around the building. There was a lounge where I could wait so I sat and read my book for a while. A nicely-dressed woman who looked to be about ten years older than I came in to audition. The woman who put out the casting call, Megan, turned up shortly after that. She is VERY young. I'm always surprised how young college students are and how many years separate us. It seems like just yesterday I was a college student myself. I never felt as unsure as these kids, though. I shook the girl's hand and she gave me a very weak handshake. So young.

She gave us (myself, the nicely dressed woman, and a third woman who had come in) copies of the script. It was short, only 9 pages long. It is basically a monologue with a woman preparing for an interview. From the script I could tell that I am probably too "fresh" to do this role; this woman probably needs to look like she's been knocked around by life a bit. But it's not up to me, and I don't know exactly what they're looking for, of course.

I was the second to read. I walked into the studio and was surprised to find they didn't have a camera. Introduced myself to one of the two men, Ethan, and got another weak handshake. I sat on a stool and read from the script. They had me do a bit at the end and then a piece in the middle. Much of it depended on facial expressions and I think I gave them something. I handed them my headshot and resume and I think they were surprised when I said the shot was for them. They didn't seem very professional. I'm not sure why there was no camera; maybe they were too late in reserving it for the night. Again, such kids. They said they would let me know tomorrow.

Because I'm working in the afternoon, I'm getting together with Remya at 10:30. I plan to get up around 9. I'm thinking I'll go to bed early.

Hanging up now...

2010-11-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

Just got back last night from Thanksgiving with the folks. We had a good time. I got there Wednesday and we saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 1. It impressed me. I'm not a big HP fan but I think this story is better than the others. I love Ron and he has a lot of great moments in this one. As I said to Mom, Harry is the soul, Hermione is the brains, but Ron is the heart. I've loved him ever since he looked up at the huge chessboard in no. 1 and said, "I'll be a knight."

Thursday Mom got up early and got the turkey ready before she went to work. Dad woke me up at 9 to watch the Macy's parade. I saw most of it; I got tired of watching the whole thing. It is a nice way to start Thanksgiving Day, though. Mom got back from work at 2 and we threw the rest of the meal together. I had a good meal just like I wanted to, and no second helpings. We then watched the Lions game (Lions didn't get stomped too badly) and then the Saints game. Saints won!

Friday we went to Smith Lake. Such a beautiful place. It is lovely year round. Dad and I have gone there when the snow is on the ground, and it is great in the heat of summer. When we went this trip, it was cold but clear. We had turkey melts and took a walk.

I left Saturday after lunch with Mom. Got back in time to work out on the Arc Trainer. I've been devouring Deathly Hallows so I know the end before part 2 comes out. I'm about halfway through. If I keep going at this rate, I should be done by next week.

Adam and I saw Puss in Boots today. Found out that Mike S. is directing Merchant of Venice next summer. I want Portia so bad!!! I've been Beatrice and Lady Macbeth, so this would complete the triumvirate of strongest women Shakespeare parts, in my opinion.

Tomorrow is my audition for the student film! I'm looking forward to it. It's in the Communication Arts Building. I know where that is but I don't know how to get to Studio E, where the auditions are taking place. I've emailed the director; if she doesn't respond, I have another FB friend who would know. I will arrive at 7:30 for an 8:00 audition, so I will have plenty of time to find it.

Since Adam and I hung out today, I didn't make it to Fellowship. Seems like I keep putting it off. It will happen when it's supposed to. I don't feel like I'm being bad or anything. I'm free from guilt. It's been so long since I wrestled with myself over my faith. I'm just content in the love of others and a sense that everything will be well. I don't even know if I can say I believe in God anymore. I just have faith. Is it possible to have faith even if there's not one figure to fix your faith on?

Hanging up now...

Workin'!

2010-11-22T18:23:00.000-08:00

Things really seem to be looking up for me. Aside from my new job, I have other good news to report. Riverwalk periodically sends out audition notices for film and commercials. Usually there isn't anything for me, but this last time there were two roles I could fill--one for a paid, non-speaking commercial, and one for a lead in a student film. The commercial talent is being handled by Janus Talent Agency. This agency is run by Jeff, the guy who directed my staged reading! So I already know him and he's seen my work. I sent him my new headshot (pictured in my profile here) and my resume, and he wrote today to say he had sent these on to the client. As far as the student film, I also sent the director my info and she responded that auditions are next Monday and if I was still interested she would give me the time and place. I said YEAH I was interested! (Well, I said it more professionally than that.) I am really excited about both of these. It would be fun to get some on-camera experience! I want to do film and commercials and this would be a great way to start.

Worked out with Stephanie today. I'm up in weight again but that could be due to a lot of things. The really exciting thing is that I'm down 1 1/2 % body fat, from 36.5 to 35. 35 is the top of the normal range for women. I have a goal of getting it down to 34.5 next week. Ideally, I'd like it to be 30 %. The workout was hard, but that's what I'm paying her for. And we have a good time.

I decided to see Adam's show yesterday. SaDonna and I went down together. We got stuck in traffic with all the construction and didn't make the first act. We saw the second act, though, and I think that's when a lot of the action happened. Adam acted very naturally and created an interesting character. Jan, the lead, had lots of energy and good delivery. The set was lovely and I loved the theater--it's in the round, and Jeff blocked it so everyone in the audience got a good view. There's so much you can do with theater in the round, and it's too often neglected. I like Riverwalk's thrust stage, but some directors treat it like a regular proscenium stage. It's hard to be conscious of all sides, but it makes the staging much more interesting if you are.

I didn't make it to Fellowship. Got back into town at 6. I've been thinking a lot about Hairspray, and I've decided not to audition. Rehearsals are Sunday-Thursday, which gives people weekends off, but if I did a show with a Sunday night rehearsal I would have to be late or miss Fellowship. I want to put God first for a while. So I will go to Fellowship next Sunday and see if it's for me. If not, I still don't think I will audition. So many people will be trying out and I just don't want to get hurt again so soon. I'm excited about these other jobs and I think I might have better luck booking them. We'll see.

I have a goal of losing another pound by next Monday. I will be really careful for Thanksgiving. One helping only. White meat turkey, no gravy. One small scoop each of stuffing, yams, and green bean casserole. One crescent roll. One or two bowls of salad. And yes, one SMALL piece of pumpkin pie. I bet out of all the pies you could eat, pumpkin is one of the better ones. Pecan is probably the worst.

Tomorrow I'll burn on the bike again. I'm alternating Arc Trainer and bike--not doing elliptical or walking on the treadmill any more. I don't think they're hard enough. Still enjoying going to the Parkwood Y. Didn't go to Interval today b/c I worked with Stephanie instead. But I like the cardio equipment and the weights at Parkwood.

Well, I think that's enough for tonight. Excited about the coming week, especially that audition on Monday. Wish me luck!

Hanging up now...

Glad to be alive

2010-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

I almost got run over in the Meijer parking lot last night. I was walking into the building when a woman in a truck whipped around the corner coming right towards me. I slammed my hands against her bumper and jumped away. She drove past me and out of the lot. It was so scary. I immediately went into Meijer and sat down on the floor. A woman came in and asked if I was all right. She had seen what happened and gave me her name and number in case I needed a witness.

It all happened so fast I didn't know what to do. I looked at the woman as she drove by me, and she looked at me, but instead of yelling at her or something I continued on into Meijer. I've never been almost run down before; how would I know how to react? I was just very shaken up and glad to be alive. I should have gotten her plate number or something, but I didn't really know what to do. I can't believe she didn't stop.

When I woke up this morning I just had a terrible feeling of dread. Post-traumatic stress? I don't know. It felt good to be alive, though. It makes me want to be even more careful with the way I drive, especially in parking lots.

I'm kind of melancholy tonight because I would like to be at Adam's show. It's in Canton, though, and tickets are $15. I really can't afford the gas or the ticket. It's the last chance I would get to see the show; tomorrow I'm going to Fellowship for Today. I'm looking forward to that. Wait a minute...I might be able to go! The show is probably around 2 hours, which would take us to 4. SaDonna says it takes about an hour to an hour and a half to get there. That would put me back right around 5:30. Maybe I could slip in to the church a little late.

Just texted Adam about the play. Hopefully I will hear back from him soon.

My workout was too easy today. I walked on an inclined treadmill at 3.8 mph. I didn't sweat and my heart rate didn't get too high. I was going to do the Arc Trainer but I decided not to. Didn't feel like pushing myself, I guess. Maybe because of the experience last night?

Last night was also Silver Bells in the City. It heralds the beginning of the Christmas season. There's a parade, the tree lighting, and fireworks. I stood and watched the parade for a while but couldn't see much. There was a lot of bad Scroogy behaviour all around me! People pushing and shoving, telling others to get out of the way so they could see. After a while, I decided I had seen (or not seen) enough, so I turned around to leave. The crowd was so thick behind me I almost couldn't get out! There was just nowhere to go. It took me about five or ten minutes to make my way through the mass of people. After I got out, I headed back towards Riverwalk. The Knight Cap was serving food and hot drinks on a patio outside the restaurant so I stopped for some hot cider and lobster bisque. I've heard fantastic things about the bisque and I'm here to say the rumors are true.

After I ate I went back out to the street to watch the tree lighting and fireworks. Now THAT was worth seeing. Next year, if I come, I will just watch that. After the fireworks, I headed down to Riverwalk. I was too late for the Irish Dancers (I still have never seen them) but I did get to see the teaser for Puss in Boots. Anna was magnificent. She has inherited my mantle of funny, ugly, and scary. I'm really excited to see the whole thing.

Went to Gateway yesterday and talked to Jen, the teacher I will be working with. This job is going to be so amazing! It's basically art therapy for at-risk kids. She was happy to find out I had a background in theater, since they are doing some PSA-type videos on bullying and stuff like that. They also work with masks and make collages. We can use stuff from the plethora of magazines Mom returns every week. We do the projects right along with the kids, so I'm getting to be creative on the job. It's going to be great!

Just heard from SaDonna and she said the play is 2 hrs long. I should be able to do both. I really want to go and support Adam. He comes to all of my shows, so I should do the same for him. And I'd like to see the play--it sounds interesting. It's a "problem play"--not typical, Sunshine Boys Simon.

I have decided I'm going tomorrow and I've picked out what to wear. I tried on the blazer that goes with the skirt and it fits PERFECTLY! I've never worn the blazer before--I got too big after I bought it. I'm going right to Fellowship afterwards so this will work for that as well. Dress is probably pretty casual, but I dress this way for me. I love to dress up. Guess it's the actress in me.

Okay, hot cocoa is drunk, kitchen is cleaned, cat is dozing...and I'm off to play on Facebook. See ya!

Hanging up now...

Endings, beginnings

2010-11-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I didn't get into AM. It's 11 PM on Tuesday night. Joe has probably called everybody. But I don't feel too bad. There's always another show. Hairspray auditions are coming up and I have changed my song. I really wanted to do that Jack and the Beanstalk song, but I haven't found sheet music, and I don't want to do it a capella. So I have decided to do "What Happened to my Part?" from Spamalot. I will get the CD and download the sheet music. I will have to work on my own but I think I can do it myself. I joked with Kelly that we should get Skype and she could help me out that way. She has Skype but I don't. Oh, well. I'll just have to see what I can do without help.

So I'm left again with the question: Am I any good? There was a LOT of competition this time and I didn't get in. Of course,a bunch of talented people didn't get in. So I am one of many. I've heard good things from people about my work. I have to tell myself again, there's always another show. Riverwalk has such a good season, I'll just keep trying out until I get something. Someone will see me and decide I am perfect for a certain role. It just depends on the director and the part. Ann had a lot of faith in me when she cast me as Hilda, and I like to think I came through. I was happy with my work when I watched the DVD; I actually became someone else. And I had a great role in Uncommon Good. I've had my good roles. There will be more.

Personal life trumps professional life. I saw someone I like tonight and I think the feeling is mutual. There are complications, and I don't want to go into it here because I want to protect the people involved. And I don't want to jinx it. Suffice it to say that I am happy and whatever comes of it, it served as a diversion tonight.

Okay, so tomorrow I am meeting with Stephanie and I will get weighed again! Here's hoping I'm 149. Time for bed, so once again I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Almost...?

2010-11-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, so there were more than FIFTY people there tonight!!! I read three times in total, twice last night and once tonight. That's actually pretty good--everyone got to read twice last night. Tonight most of the people who came back from last night didn't even get to read. However, Joe called me up on stage to do the very last scene of the night. I felt I took it in an interesting direction. It's between a woman and a man who asked her to marry him years ago. She doesn't recognize him but she has come back to say yes. She finds out it is him at the very end of the scene, but I played it as if I was realizing it was him during the scene. The actor I read with seemed to go with this and so we gave what I thought was a very interesting and unique reading. Even if this isn't how Joe wants to go with it, I hope he sees that I can commit to objectives and meet them.

Made it to Interval today! I was so glad I did. Kathy ran the class, and boy was she hard on us. We didn't do as much weights as I wanted to but I used heavier weights so I got quality, if not quantity. We worked on the Step and I felt much better about doing it. There were two girls who had never done Step before so they were a little lost. One woman tried to show them how to do the steps as we were doing them, and Kathy said the important thing was to keep moving. They did all right, and when I talked to them later they said they would do it again. We all had red and happy faces.

I may have gone down a little bit more in weight; the scale showed between 149 and 150. I'd love to weigh 149.5 or even 149 Wednesday. I've been eating pretty well. I start my day with oatmeal and egg whites or a protein shake. I usually have leftovers or a small sandwich for lunch. I have an afternoon snack and a moderate dinner. The hard part for me, as I've said before, is at night. I was really hungry when I got home from auditions tonight so I had an egg, turkey, and cheese. That was a lot. I really needed protein, though. Tomorrow I'll do the oatmeal again with a protein shake.

I've finally heard from the teacher I will be working with. We're going to meet either Thursday or Friday morning. So I will in all likelihood be starting next week.

Well, it's very late and I should go to bed.

Hanging up now...

I feel good, I didn't know how much I would...

2010-11-13T17:59:00.000-08:00

Is there anything better than getting squeaky clean after a good sweaty workout? That thought crossed my mind in the Parkwood Y locker room tonight after a hot shower. The workout on the Arc Trainer felt fantastic. At first I didn't think it was intense enough but once I got going I started sweating and breathing hard. I burned 300 calories in 30 minutes, and I got my heart rate into the 140s. That's a good cardio range.

Looked at myself naked in the mirror today and I have to say I like my body. Although it would be nice to weigh less, I am happy with the way I look now. I'm not "lumpy" like I used to be. I used to not even be able to look at myself naked but now I think I look fine, especially for forty. I look a lot better than I did at 30, when I weighed 180!

My friend John made a play on my name in his last email, saying I should picture myself as a hawk flying high and slim. I then got a sign today...I saw a bird fly up in front at me when I was at the drive-thru and I thought it was a mourning dove (it was about that size). When I pulled out to Jolly, I saw a bird sitting on the sign for Okemos Road and instantly recognized it as a small hawk, probably a kestrel. It definitely had that hawk profile. I feel it affirmed my friend's comment. A sign for me to continue down my road towards the body I know I can have.

The book continues to be good. Right now in the 1941 story Hong Kong has fallen to the Japanese. People are trying to carry on with some kind of life in the ruins. I find people's ability to carry on in terrible situations a wonderful part of being human. We always strive to have some sort of a life, whatever the circumstances. I think this is one reason I like war books so much--people's resilience shows through. Life is hard, and our ability to hang together and find beauty in small things is overwhelming to me. For all our problems, humans can make something out of nothing. We continually fight against despair.

Hanging up now...

Crashing

2010-11-12T15:23:00.000-08:00

I'm extremely tired right now, not sure why. I got home from a big grocery shopping trip and I was hungry, so I ate some hummus and carrots. I haven't been on FB all day so I checked in. Not much happening there. I've been trying to stay off the computer and read more. The book continues to be good and I like the switches between periods. The author tells the 1941 story in the third person present, an odd and intriguing choice. She tells Claire's story in the more conventional third person past. I find it interesting that she chooses the present tense to write about 1941, since it's actually farther in the past than 1952. Not sure why she uses the different tenses. I think it's to separate the two stories--when I first started reading the second story it jarred me out of the flow due to the change in tense.

I'm going to dinner tonight with SaDonna. Her treat! We are going to Los Tres Amigos. I've only been there once so I'm looking forward to it. I don't have a lot of money right now so I'm glad she is treating.

Still waiting to hear from the teacher on when to start the Gateway job. Tatanisha says she will ask her tomorrow when she sees her. The teacher is very busy and needs someone to help--I'm here to help!

The Oak Park Y wellness center (where the weight machines and cardio machines are) is closed for renovations, so I went to the Parkwood Y last night. It is so much nicer! The machines are a lot more spread out and they have an Arc Trainer. I first worked on that machine at Court One, but they didn't have one at Oak Park. Now I know I can go to Parkwood and get on one. I'm going to do it tomorrow.

Auditions for Almost, Maine are Sunday. I'm interested in seeing who will come out. I wonder how many people from Farnsworth will be there. I will face the question of whether or not I am actually good or am I just getting a part because there's not much competition. I'd like to see a combination of competition and availability of parts. The director said he can cast more people or less based on who comes out.

Speaking of acting, I watched Bremen Town and parts of Uncommon Good yesterday. Bremen Town was a lot of fun. I think I really created a character that was different and one the audience loved to hate. Uncommon Good was another story. I couldn't watch all of it. It was like I had PTSD. I remembered how hard it was to remember lines and how much trouble we all had. There were several slips and awkward moments. But the worst of it came when I tried to watch the Nelson section. I couldn't watch it. See, I found out that Derek (Nelson) has been sent to prison for 12 years for having sex with a minor under 13 years of age. !!! I couldn't believe it when I heard it. So I guess I will not be seeing much of him again. Thinking about working with him, sharing an intimate time on stage, disgusts me. I can't even think of working with him again. Don't think that'll be a problem:; I doubt he'll be in the mood to do theater when he gets out.

I have started looking around for playwrighting contests to submit Checking Out to. I haven't had any luck so far. The contests I saw called for plays with no more than seven characters. CO has 12. I am going to submit it to LCP for possible performance. I'm waiting on Tony to send me the submission form, then I will send it off.

Well, I'm going to get ready for dinner, so once again I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Around the writer's block

2010-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

I have started looking around for playwrighting contests. I did a Google search and found a list of them. Out of the whole list, I found two. Then I looked closer at those and realized they both called for no more than 7 characters. Checking Out has twelve. So those contests are out. It's frustrating. My playwrighting professor at Michigan mentioned that theaters don't want to do plays with a lot of characters for costs' sake. However, I am going to submit it to LCP and see what comes of that. And I'm going to keep looking online. There must be SOME contests that don't have the same strict guidelines.

Weighed in at the gym at plain ol' 150 today, just as I wanted. Next week I hope to get it to 149 or 149.5 at the most. I also went down 1/2 % in body fat. Remya mentioned yesterday that she could see a difference in my face. That's not where I want to lose it though! Why can't I decide where I want to lose it? ;)

I seem to have been oblivious to the newsletters and the posters about the renovations to the Y. I know they have been working on it but I went last night to find the cardio room closed. The classes will still be going on but the main gym will be closed for six weeks. The pictures of how it will look when it is done are really cool. I'm going to go to the Parkwood Y until the renovations are done. Evan goes to Parkwood so I told him we should have a gym date.

Eating has been going well, mostly because I'm broke. SaDonna is taking me out for my birthday dinner Friday, and we're going to Los Tres Amigos (her favorite, but I picked it). I have to be careful and not get something smothered in cheese or anything. Tonight I'm having pasta and vegetables tossed with olive oil, and later I'm having a turkey-avocado wrap at Leo's (what did I say about being broke? Well, I guess I have a little money. I've depleted my dress fund money, but I'll start building it up again next week.)

I finished Girl Who Played with Fire and am reading a new book. It's really good. It's called The Piano Teacher. It takes place in pre- and post- war Hong Kong. The piano teacher in question is a young Englishwoman who comes with her husband to Hong Kong in 1952. A well-to-do Chinese family, the Chens, hire her to teach their daughter, Locket. One day a porcelain rabbit falls off the piano into Claire's purse and she keeps it. She starts stealing from the family, everything from napkins and scarves to makeup and perfume. The family fires the amah thinking she has been stealing. The parallel story takes place in 1941. It concerns an Englishman, Will, and his Chinese girlfriend, the socialite Trudy. I couldn't figure out the link until Claire meets Will in 1952; he is the Chen's chauffeur. Claire and Will start up an affair, and that's as far as I've read up to so far. I hope it won't be too predictable; so far I predicted the amah would get fired and that Will and Claire would have an affair. The language is good, though. I think it will be an interesting read.

It's time for dinner...I had a little lunch and a small snack. So for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Good times

2010-11-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

Well, the reading went great. We had a good sized audience and they asked good questions/had good suggestions afterwards. I was really happy with the actors' interpretations of the characters. Jeff obviously did a lot of work with them on "hitting the points" as he calls it. I'd like to be IN a show of his to see more of his process.

Halloween Bash V was a rousing success as well. Now I can say what I was: I went as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I wore a T-shirt that said "Vampires Suck" and carried a garden stake I had gotten for 89 cents at Ace Hardware. I remembered that when she stakes them they just go "poof" in a cloud of dust so I didn't end up doing the blood. There were lots of pictures taken and I actually like the way I look in them. The weight loss really shows. I got a great compliment from Evan P. who said I looked really good. It's nice to hear that sort of thing, especially from friends who have seen the change over time.

The weight loss has slowed/stopped but I'm hoping to change that. I'm doing a lot more protein shakes, which I was doing when I first started losing. I've heard that the more protein you take in, the more weight you will lose. I asked Stephanie about it and she said taking in more protein would keep you from eating too much, so I guess it helps in that way too.

Haven't heard anything from the teacher on when I start my job. It looks like they're a little disorganized. I told them I could start ASAP. I really want to help. It seems like such a good thing for me and them; I'm excited about it but I want to start SOON. Tomorrow I'm going to email Tatanisha again and ask her what's up.

Not sure now if I'm going to Fellowship next Sunday. Auditions for Almost, Maine are Sunday at 7. If the service is an hour long, I would have to book across town in half an hour, and who knows if they're longer. And I want to stay and talk to people and I can't do that if I leave right away. So I will probably put it off one more week.

Getting sleepy, and I want to be gentle with myself these next couple days. So for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

My life is a musical

2010-11-05T18:42:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm singing "I don't have to get up tomorrow...for any reason...But I'll go to the gym...and burn on the bike!" I sing a lot. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy. I was "rehearsing" a Bremen Town song in the bathroom last year and when I got done, I heard clapping and cheering from upstairs. So I guess they like my singing at least.

I'm a little concerned about the reading. So far we only have ten coming, and three of those are people who have to be there: Jeff and two of our actors. I'm afraid there won't be a lot of people there. Plus the weather might be bad. We were supposed to get snow today; we didn't but that's no guarantee we won't get any Sunday. It would be a shame if we had a tiny audience. Mom and Dad will be there but they're my folks. Although their support is appreciated, I need more than that. It's kind of lame to think your mommy and daddy are coming and they might be the only ones to ask questions! They know my work, but others don't and I need them to see it.

I'm hoping to start my new job soon, but the teacher I will be working with hasn't contacted me yet. She's just gotten back into town so she may not be caught up yet. I said I was able to start ASAP, though. So hopefully she will contact me soon.

Went to Strength and Stretch today and had a great time. Leslie, the woman who usually does it, was out of town so we had another woman, Kathy. I used 15 #, 8 #, and 5# weights. The workout was more intense than usual; I'm sure part of this was because I was using heavier weights. I liked the exercises she had us do. The yoga part was good too. Relaxing and focusing, as usual.

Tomorrow is the big Halloween Bash. I will probably rest up tomorrow for that. I've texted Adam asking him if he wants to go together like we did last year. It made parking easier; there's not a lot of parking at the Firehouse. If he doesn't want to go together, I can park in the church parking lot across the street. That's what I did for most of the Uncommon Good performances.

Eating has been pretty good. I had Chinese takeout tonight, though. I didn't get anything really bad: tofu with garlic sauce, sauteed string beans, and salad with ginger dressing. I didn't gorge myself by eating it all. I have a little more than half for lunch tomorrow.

Fellowship for Today looks good. They are not about one particular god, but the power of the divine Spirit. They recognize disciplines like Buddhism and Hinduism. I gave them my email address and wrote them a note saying I was looking for a new church. I'm going to go to a service not this Sunday, but next Sunday.

A woman from OCC wrote to me on FB wondering where I was. I responded to her in a message telling her I had left the church and was looking elsewhere. She wrote back saying she understood and she wouldn't tell anyone.

Well, I want to take a bath and read and then go to bed. So as usual I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-11-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last night's readthrough was FANTASTIC!!! We have a stellar cast. Jeff got Steve to do the lead. He's about fifteen years older than the character but he is using a young voice and has a good handle on the script. Adam is in it as well, and the other actors are fantastic too. I'm really excited but also really nervous. Opening night of Marriage was a killer. I felt about 100 times more nervous than when I am acting in a show. The play is my baby and it's about to be judged by a faceless audience. I do hope we get a good crowd, though. I want good feedback.

After the readthrough, some of us went to Leo's for karaoke. The guy who is playing the country bumpkin (Robin) asked me about my writing a bit. He asked me how many plays I had written. I've written six straight plays and attempted to write three musicals. I told him there were three I was really proud of: Drag, Marriage, and Checking Out. I'm lucky enough to have seen both Marriage and Drag produced. I described Marriage to him and he really liked the idea.

And more good news: I got the job at Gateway! I start next week. I'm looking forward to working with teenagers. I wanted to work with troubled kids when I decided to be a teacher; it was one of the main reasons I wanted to teach. Now I realize that's not necessarily the best reasons to teach. But here I will get to work with kids who have major problems and help them with their writing. I will be able to do two things I love: show others how to write and work with troubled teens.

I don't want to talk about the election. It didn't go the way I wanted it to and I'm discouraged. But we will wait and see how the country likes the Tea Party in a year or so. People may change their ideas.

I may have found a church. A group called Fellowship for Today had an ad in the Farnsworth program. They meet Sundays at 5:30 and have a website I can check them out on. Their ad says they honor "all spiritual paths" and "[recognize] the divine in everyone". Sounds good, huh? I'm going to check on them and report back. But until then--

Hanging up now....

2010-11-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

The reading Sunday night got called off because Jeff hadn't found anyone to play one of the leads yet. I was a bit anxious about it but we are going forward tonight so I assume he has everyone now. I am excited and nervous. It's been a long time since I've heard other people give voice to my words. It's coming together into something real and not just in my head. We have less than a week and while I look forward to the reading, I'm not looking forward to the talk-back. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle everybody's questions. I guess I'll just be myself and do the best I can.

As you can see, I have a new profile picture. It's my new headshot. We couldn't have asked for better lighting and my hair looks just right. The wind came along at just the right time. Perfect. I also really like the way my skin glows. I think this shot may get me some work.

However, my hair is different AGAIN. I wanted it darker so my hairdresser colored it REALLY dark. It's almost black. I think it would look good chocolate-colored and instead it's espresso-colored. I'm afraid it's going to make my grays more visible. It will fade, though. It's pretty red in the picture and I hope this doesn't make a difference to any potential casting agents/directors.

I'm going to start looking around for professional work. That's why I got the shots done. I will be getting some hard copies and I will have the shots online to send to directors. Unfortunately Boarshead closed but I think some other theaters have sprung up that are professional or pseudo-professional. And Riverwalk often gets postings for film jobs. One just got posted today but it was for a 50-60 yr old man, not exactly something I would fit. I'd be looking at 30-40 yr old women's parts. I have been told that I could play 25, but I think that's stretching it a bit.

Steve had a double feature over at his house of the original Frankenstein and Young Frankenstein. I came to watch the original. Very interesting. Things that I'm sure were very scary then are sort of funny now. It was still an amazing movie. It sets a lot of standards for horror movies. One thing I noticed was the total absence of music. Often music sets the mood in any movie, especially a horror movie. Things can seem a lot scarier with music. Think of the da-duh da-duh everyone knows from Jaws, or the reet-reet-reet from Psycho. A horror movie seems a lot less scary without music.

The official "Halloween" Bash blowout is this Saturday, and I've go my costume together. I like it because I can wear it on occasions other than Halloween. The T-shirt will be especially funny given recent trends (that's as far into it as I'm willing to go).

Well, that's it for now. I have some loose ends to tie up before the reading tonight, so for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Eating, meeting, reading

2010-10-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderful time at Strength and Stretch today. It focuses and centers me. I didn't use enough weight for the weight portion because I didn't know what she was going to do. Next time I will get 10#, 12#, and 15# weights and see which ones I need as the class goes on.

I've gotten some good things for breakfast. First I found an instant oatmeal without preservatives (took me about 5 minutes of standing in the breakfast aisle to find one). Then I got eggs and hard boiled them. I use just the white and have that with a packet of oatmeal. I've been pretty good about eating the past few days. The only thing that sticks out is the Indian buffet Wednesday, when I ate a little more than I should have. But I had a small dinner that evening and I haven't snacked at night.

Tomorrow I will ride the bike or do elliptical. It's getting too cold out to run. Yesterday I took a long walk and it was pretty brisk. Today is really pretty, though, my favorite kind of fall day. Cool and bright.

The first read through of Drag is happening Sunday night--Halloween. I'm excited about it. I wonder who Jeff has gotten to play all the parts. We've run into some problems with people not being able to do it because they're involved in other shows. We have a talented group of actors, and it's not a surprise they're in high demand.

Fire is turning out the be really good. I talked to Mom about the voice question and she said the author's voice comes through--the translator should have nothing to do with it. It's still really spooky, though. I'm avoiding reading it too much. Tomorrow I want to take a bubble bath and read it, though.

I'm going to see "The Farnsworth Invention" tonight and I'm leaving in a bit, so--

Hanging up now...

2010-10-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

Weighed in at 150.6 today. A nice weight, but I want more! I'm hoping for just plain 150 next week. I probably really *do* weigh 150, because I'm not getting weighed right after I get up before I've eaten anything. I'm not stepping on my own scale any more--it broke and I just didn't get it replaced. So I'm back to weighing myself a couple times a week, although the only number that really "counts" is the MAC weight.

Haven't had any more whiffs from the stinky smoker. I don't know if it was a false alarm, a visitor, or if they're just going outside or something. I hope it was a false alarm. There was definitely a stale smell though. Not sure what it was from if not smoke.

I am not going to listen to my Christian radio station any more. A commercial came on for a Halloween play Mount Hope is going to do (Mount Hope does Christmas and Easter plays and has a big budget). This "play" is designed to scare the bejeezus out of kids. The announcer says something like, "This is the season for things that go bump in the night....Come to Mount Hope and see there are absolutes: right and wrong, black and white, and ultimately, Heaven and Hell!" I can just see some poor kid traumatized by his church's portrayal of Satan. These are the same people that think trick-or-treating is a sin. They don't have a problem with putting the fear of God into kids by taking them to a "show" as scary as The Blair Witch Project. I didn't know whether to laugh or be livid. Some of both, I guess. No more 88.1! Smile FM indeed.

ANYway...J.D. has my pictures on a DVD for me. I'll hopefully be able to pick it up tomorrow or the next day. There are over 600 images! I knew we took a lot of pictures but I had no idea it was that many. No wonder I was so tired when I got home. That's a lot of smiling!

Worked with Remya yesterday. She has come so far. We did two vocab lessons and I gave her lots of homework: Write sentences for both sets of words, finish a set of exercises we didn't get to, and take a test that covers the first 6 lessons we have done. She may not be able to do the last section of the test because it is rather complicated, so I told her we could do it together next week if she can't understand it.

I went to a lunch with a friend Monday. He is a great guy. He's over 80 years old but he's in amazing shape. He weighs only 2 lbs. more than I do! We talked about ideal weights and I said I'd like to be 145. He was skeptical about this. He thinks I could weigh less. I said 135 was my "magic number"--it's what I weighed when I graduated high school. He thinks I could be 135 again. I don't know about that. My body has changed since I was in high school--I have a lot more muscle. To be 135 I would have to lose 15 lbs. I've already lost 16 but that was from 166. It's harder to lose when your body gets closer to what it "should" be. But then again, what is "should"? If I eat REALLY clean and work out hard, is it possible to be 135? It's amazing to think about. Let's think about this in five-pound increments. I'm now just over 150, and I'm aiming for 145. I weighed 140 all the way through college up to 1997 (when I ballooned up to 190 because of terrible eating habits and no exercise.) I've come down from that back to 140 in 2002, so I know I can be 140 again. So let's say I can be at 145 by January and 140 by April. Maybe, just maybe, I can be at 135 by next summer. It depends on eating and exercising. I've changed the way I do cardio lately--made it more intense and varied. I want to keep doing the classes and working with Stephanie. NO fast food, NO soda, NO coffee drinks. And very little eating out where I don't know what I'm getting. I find myself planning my day of meals more. Today I had a protein shake for breakfast, Indian buffet with Stephanie for lunch, apple and peanut butter for a snack, and I'm going to have blackeye peas, rice, and greens for dinner (after talking with my sister today, I feel a little Southern fried). I need a better cereal--the one I have now is full of sugar, even though it looks healthy. I used to eat a lot of Kashi but I don't find it tastes very good. I think I'm going to start eating more oatmeal and maybe egg whites. I can hard boil eggs and just scoop the yolk out--I've done this before.

Everyone has the right to look the way they want to look. I'm not being superficial when I say this. I'm talking about everyone from the kid who dyes her hair blue to the competitive bodybuilder (sans steroids, of course), from the guy who grows his hair long to the woman who gets Lasik. And I choose to be a blue eyed, brown haired, fit-looking 40 year old. (I need a new profile picture. That picture was taken a few years ago when I was blonde and weighed about 160.)If you are overweight, you have the ability--and I would say the duty to yourself--to change that. Stephanie talked today about how she would totally support a sin tax on stuff like chips and soda. It would never go over, of course, but I think it's a great idea. We are such an unhealthy nation! Think of the lines at the McDonald's drive through. I saw the choices for lunch at Okemos High School, and they had cake and chips and a pop machine around every corner. I was brought up by healthy parents who made healthy food choices for us. Candy was an Easter and Halloween thing. We ate wheat bread and I don't think I ever saw whole milk at our house. (Always 2 %.) And there was lots and lots of fruit. You can see the reflection of my upbringing in the food I have in my kitchen. Almonds, beans, and dried cranberries in the pantry; wheat bread, apples, 2 % cheese and skim milk in the fridge; no crackers, chips, cookies, or soda.

....So maybe 135 is in my grasp. Both Mom and Margaret are at their optimal weight. Why don't I join them?

Hanging up now...

Stink, Stank, Stunk!

2010-10-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

I want to start this entry by saying I love where I live and my neighbors are great. I have only had one instance where I had to knock on a neighbor's door and ask them to be quiet (it sounded like they were running a circular saw at 3 in the morning). My neighbors are mostly young families with quiet kids. So it's hard for me to bring up a problem with a neighbor.

Here's the problem: The person above me smokes. When I came home from visiting Kalamazoo earlier today, the apartment smelled stale. I thought it might be the litter so I changed it, opened the sliding glass door to let the air come in through the screen door, and lit some candles. It smelled fresh for a while but it smelled stale again when I got back from working out. I finally recognized the stale smell of smoke.

Now, I have to confess something here. I used to smoke. I have smoked in apartments and houses before, and I understand that when you smoke, you aren't as aware of the smell. But now that I've quit I'm hypersensitive to it, and I think it stinks. It's just a stale smell. And even though they may be a floor away, the smell still seeps through.

What can I do about this? I can't knock on their door and ask them to quit like I asked the guys to stop making noise. But to me, there is a similarity. It's different when you live in a house and there aren't people close by. But when it's an apartment situation,where we're all living so close together, I wish there was another solution. It's hard for smokers right now because there aren't many places to smoke other than their own homes. I wish we could do something like having a building set aside for smokers. Then they wouldn't notice the smell and it wouldn't bother them if their apartment was stale.

Another concern I have is safety. A friend of mine was burned out of his apartment in a fire started by a cigarette. I have renters' insurance but it would still be devastating to lose everything--and I might lose Spot. That would be terrible.

So this is what's going through my head right now, as the stale smell wafts into my place. I hope I'm able to vanquish the smell by opening up to the breeze and using various air freshening products (I will look at finding incense I like too). For now I'm going to post this and go to bed, trying not to breathe too deep.

Hanging up now....

And the fun continues...

2010-10-17T16:39:00.000-07:00

My fortieth year is shaping up great so far. Thursday night, the 14th, I had a party at Buddies and a bunch of people came. Julie had taken me out to lunch earlier in the day and I told her I wanted to wear a tiara that night, but I didn't know where to get one. She said, "Go to Claire's in the mall." So I went and lo and behold, they had five or six to choose from! I got a nice sparkly one. I was so excited the whole day so it seemed to go s-l-o-w-l-y. Finally 9 rolled around and I headed out. There were a few of my friends there when I got there. More people joined us as the night went on and the joint filled up. Romeo referred to me as the "birthday princess". Adam sang a new song and Julie, a karaoke virgin, sang with Gordo and me. Right when we were getting ready to leave, at midnight, Tim got there. He had just gotten off work. He brought some nice presents for me. I had said in the invite I didn't want anyone to bring presents but he did anyway. It was sweet. He walked me out to my car and then went back in to enjoy his nachos.

Friday I went over to J.D. Small's to get my head shots done. He has done them before and I've been happy with them. We did outside and inside shots, color and black and white. It was quite something tramping around in the woods to our different locations. At one point I was leaning on a small tree that hung over a ravine and I could just see the tree breaking and tumbling me into the ravine. That would have made a good picture!

He will put them on a disc and I can choose which ones I want. Then he will make a couple hard copies. I realized I will be able to send out any pic I want from that disc to potential companies. One of the reasons I wanted to get them done is that there are a couple theaters around here that want head shots for auditions, and I haven't done them partly because I don't have a recent head shot. I would like to get into the film industry that is here as some of my friends have. The Republican candidate for governor wants to cut this industry out of Michigan. He thinks it's unnecessary, but he doesn't seem to understand how many people the industry employs and how good it is for Michigan. We need people coming here to see how wonderful Michigan and its people are.

I haven't gotten in the gym enough this week. I worked out with Stephanie Wednesday and walked on Thursday, but I didn't get in after that til today. I went hard on the elliptical. My heart rate stayed in the upper part of the cardiovascular range for most of the workout. Average hr was 140-something. Tomorrow is Interval and I will definitely be up for that.

I have to get email addresses to Tatanisha at Gateway for references. I got the personal reference to her, now I just have to do employers. I have to do this SOON though! I told her I could start right away so it is just up to me to get these in. It's hard b/c I mainly work for myself so I have to use my students as references. And most of them don't have a very good command of the language. They will do pretty well in emails, though, I think.

My friend Steve's birthday is just three days after mine so yesterday he had a party at his house. I got there first and got to meet his parents. He gave me the tour and showed me what I call his "nerd furniture". These are basically bookcases for a collector's figures and comics. The ones he showed me had glass shelves for figurines and pull-out drawers for storing comic books. One also had a shelf underneath the glass one where he had regular books. He let me hold one and it was very heavy--showing how much the shelf could hold. In short, they are very well made and he is trying to build a business. I would love to get one, but I don't have that much stuff. I really want one where I can display my graphic novels. I don't want them hidden away in a drawer, but displayed flat on newsstand shelves. So maybe I will commission something. :) Yeah, right, with what money?

Adam got there next and the three of us played croquet. I basically sucked. Steve won the first one but Adam caught on quick and won the second game. More people started to roll in around 5 or 6. I stayed until around 10 or 10:30. It was a good time.

Today I got up early (for me) and went to the gym and did laundry. I've still got the last load in. I've also been playing a lot of FB. A lot. I have been trying to read more but it's so easy to be passive and just flip through people's pictures or whatever. Right now I'm reading "The Girl Who Played With Fire." I've read Dragon Tattoo and now I'm on the second one. I think I like it better than the first. The theme of violence against women is back and it's still just as disturbing. I wonder how much of the writing can be attributed to the writer and how much to the translator. I mean, when you read a sentence, the words are not really the original writer's, are they? Or is the translator simply passing the words from one language to another, letting the author's voice be heard? I don't know the answer to this question. May be something to take up with another reader.

Today was "church day" again, and again I didn't go. I guess I don't consider myself a member of OCC anymore. I still get the newsletter and stupid letters asking for money. I just laugh at the money grubbing letters and throw them out. I haven't looked at the newsletters either; I just put them into the recycle box.

Some insights I've had into the Christian community...I listen to the local Christian radio station periodically and heard a song today that made me think. The lyric goes, "One day every tongue will confess you are God/One day every knee will bow/Still the greatest treasure belongs to those/Who gladly choose you now." Hmmm. Is it really true that those who accept Jesus NOW will be favored? Or is the writer saying the treasure is having Jesus in our lives NOW if we accept him? What exactly does "treasure" refer to?

Also, I watched a video for a Christian song a friend posted on FB a few nights ago. The video takes place aboard a crashing plane. The passengers decide to celebrate rather than die in fear, because they believe they are going to Heaven, which is the best place to be. The video had some really cool childlike animation of planes crashing, not in a scary way but in a sort of playful way. The last animated image was of the plane splashing into the sea, releasing all these circles (bubbles?) that rose into the sky past a smiling cloud.

Okay, so on the one hand this video shows us that death is nothing to fear because we have Heaven to look forward to. (The song is kind of catchy too.) But what is the real message? We should look forward to death? Death is more exciting than life? To me, this video came off as a little death-worshipping. I believe in making life beautiful, and whether or not there is an afterlife really doesn't matter. If there is one, and we have worked hard to make our lives the best we can, touching others and choosing to be happy, then we will be gladly accepted into that afterlife.

I don't know, mostly this video just made me feel weird. To me, there's nothing joyful about a plane crash. I don't think there were many people rejoicing on September 11.

And in other news...we have been having wonderful weather. Temps in the 60s, blue skies. Tomorrow it may be a little grubby at first but it's supposed to get nicer. So it may be yucky on my way to Interval but nice on the way back. I'd like these temperatures to stick around for a while. It's lovely to be able to take a walk outside and look at all the pretty colors. November will be here soon enough, with its bleak skies and brown trees. So we should have nice, blue, cool but not cold days until then.

Hanging up now...

Today's the day!

2010-10-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to meeeee!!! It was a great day. First off I had an interview at Gateway. I may be working in a classroom with emotionally impaired kids helping them put their feelings about their difficult experiences on paper. It's a great way to combine my skill of writing with my drive to work with marginalized kids. I really feel good about the interview; I think I interview well. It will be a part-time job so I will be able to continue tutoring.

Then I went for a great workout with Stephanie. Turns out I have lost 3 pounds in the past week, from 154 to 151. That means I only have 2 pounds to lose to win the bet, which, if I keep this up, I can lose by next week. And then it's only 4 more pounds to 145! My fat % also went down, although my measurements stayed about the same. I really want to get my waist measurement down. Even when I read a number on the scale I like, I will still be working on my measurements. There's always something to work on. I don't say this in an obsessive or unhealthy way. It's just important to set goals and it's fun to reach them. I got two pairs of size 10 jeans for my birthday and that makes me feel great. I have gone from a 14 to a 10 in a year and I want to be an 8 by summer 2011. That's the size I'd like to be permanently. I've been getting a lot of support from friends and family on FB, and that helps a lot.

After my workout, I showered at the MAC. They have a really nice facility for that. There are private showers, and there is a wonderful coconut shampoo you can use. I used that and my own body wash. Then it was off to dinner with friends. It was Stephanie, her new man Jeff, Heidi, and Adam. Stephanie paid for my dinner, a surprise. I tried fried pickles for the first time. They were good! I also had a portabello mushroom wrap and sweet potato fries. The wrap wasn't that great, but the fries were good. And the company was fun. We all talked and got along even though we weren't necessarily a conventional group of friends (meaning, they all knew me but didn't know each other very well.)

So now I'm relaxing, collecting my thoughts in the last few minutes of the first day of my fortieth year. Everybody has said that I seem a lot younger. I feel young. I feel loved. I feel healthy. I feel strong. I feel good.

Ahhh...

2010-10-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

Counting down...only three more days. Or is it two? I don't know whether to count the 13th or not. At any rate, I will be 40 on Wednesday. It feels pretty cool. I had a wonderful weekend. I did S & S before I left, which felt great. The class energizes and focuses me. I had an easy trip over, getting to K-zoo around 4. We got out on the lake around 5:30. Anita, my folks' neighbor, went with us. She's Bailey's mom. We caught a nice mess, but we joked about our high number of little fish caught. We agreed that I won the contest with a catch that was about two inches long!

Mom was still up when we got home so we got to talk for a while. I had gotten sushi for our dinner and we had that and chatted. Went to bed around 11 after having a nice relaxing bath in their Jacuzzi. Saturday Dad and I went to the Nature Center to watch some researchers band birds. We got to hold a few and we talked to the researchers about the project. I found it very interesting that one of them blew on the birds' feathers to part them so she could see how much fat the bird had. She then assigned the amount a number such as 0 or 3.

We got back to the condo around 2 and Mom got back from the bookstore at 2:30. She started the spaghetti sauce and we let it simmer while we watched the game. What a game! I rooted for the Spartans and loved it when MSU won. I went to both schools but I live in Spartan country, and I truly love MSU. We totally deserved to win the game--we played great. Mom, Dad and I started eating when halftime ended. I ate very carefully, eating one helping of everything. I took a kind of big piece of cheesecake but I felt I deserved it. I only have one birthday a year, after all! We joked because Mom put blue and yellow candles on the cake. She said, "Oh, isn't blue your favorite color? And isn't yellow your second favorite color?" Dad made the point that when you combine blue and yellow you get green. GO GREEN! They showed a guy at the game who wore a shirt that was half Michigan and half State. I want that shirt! I will check around and see if I can find it.

I've been reading a friend's blog about his struggles in the L.A. entertainment world. He has had a lot of disappointments. It made me think about my time in CA and how much I wanted to be in that business. I got a part in a show and was so excited about it, only to be called by the director two weeks before we opened to tell me he was recasting the part. It almost ended my love of performing, and it certainly took away my drive for quite a while. I got my tattoos thinking I was done with theater so it didn't matter how I looked. I didn't get back into theater until 2002, having gotten kicked out of the show in 1997. Five years I was out. I love it and never want to give it up. But the thought of going back to CA to try in L.A. or something is just not on the horizon for me. I want to make a theater life HERE, doing shows and maybe getting work in TV and in movies as some of my friends have. And I want my plays to be done. I would not have time to write if I ran around all the time doing auditions. I'm submitting Checking Out to contests around the country to see what happens. I'm starting with CTAM. Uncommon Good is a CTAM award winner and I think CO can be too.

Well, tomorrow is Interval. Time to finish the cheesecake and go to bed.

Hanging up now...

Much Ado about run run

2010-10-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

I did the new course today. Walked quite a bit of it, and it took me an hour. I wish I could have run more, but at least I did it. And now I have a new goal: to run at least half of it in the next few weeks. I want to run more like twice a week again. I haven't been going for quite a while, and today is one of the dwindling number of nice days we have left.

I'm getting my head shots done next Friday...looking forward to that. Today I picked outfits consisting of two sweaters, my new corduroys, and a skirt. I can construct four outfits between those four pieces. We will be doing shots outside and in the studio. We will also most likely be doing full body shots as well as head shots, and using color as well as or instead of b/w. The last time we did it he just shot b/w head shots, but I have been seeing more color, full-body, and outside shots so I asked him if we could do that. He said that would be great. As the artistic director of my theater company said, "Just ask!"

Well, I just wanted to make a short entry before dinner. I don't know how much I'll be doing here this weekend, but when I come back I will have news of fish, game, and birthday dinner. See you Sunday!

Hanging up now...

Eeek! One Week!

2010-10-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm only going to be 39 for one more week. It's pretty amazing. Like I've said before, I'm not really down about it. Kind of excited, actually. It's always fun to celebrate a birthday! There are about 12 people so far coming to my celebration at Buddies, and most everyone has said yes to my birthday dinner on the 13th. Part of me would like to have a loud rockin' dance party, but on the other hand, it's nice to be with just my best friends.

Weighed in at 154 today. Still a little high, still 9 pounds to go to reach my goal by November. When I first started to lose weight, I lost 9 pounds in 6 weeks. I have 4 weeks to lose 9 pounds; I don't think I'm going to make it. Well, it will happen eventually. I'm happy with the way I look, and that's more important than an arbitrary number on the scale. I'm down to a size 10 in pants so that is great. It's time to get some new jeans! That's one of the things I'll be scoring for my birthday.

Going home Friday to celebrate with the folks. Dad and I are going fishing Friday eve if it's not too cold. We have had great weather this week which will hopefully continue into this weekend. It's been pretty warm. So that would be good. Saturday we will watch the big UM-MSU game. It will be really exciting. The teams seem really equally matched. I'm kind of hoping MSU wins. Mom is rooting for UM, of course--she's a Michigan graduate. Dad graduated from Western so I don't think he cares either way. He'll just have to decide whether to side with his wife or his daughter. Could be tricky...

Mom is making me spaghetti and cheesecake. ONE helping of spaghetti and ONE piece of cheesecake, I think. I'd also like to walk with Mom Saturday. I did a fast walk today as well as working out with Stephanie. I have shaved down my time walking a mile. It used to take me 23-24 minutes, but now it takes me 20-21 minutes! Those few minutes off make me feel good. The faster the better. Burn, baby, burn!

And now on a more serious, less selfish note...I've been thinking about the rash of suicides lately. It's so hard to be a young person anyway, and to be growing up gay and surrounded by negative imagery of gays makes it umpteen times harder. Gays and straights have been responding to this crisis by speaking out, making videos, setting aside days of remembrance, pointing kids towards websites that can help them...but it feels like too little, too late. I remember reading (a long time ago) that one-third of teens that commit suicide are gay. Seems like that number has risen recently. You can call it bullying or hate crimes, but whatever it is, it has to stop. I was bullied as a teen, and it made my days pretty dark sometimes. But I got through it. And, to paraphrase a video addressing the issue, it has gotten better. I'm not confronted with hatred every day; as a matter of fact, I am surrounded by love and friendship. There may be people who don't like me or think I'm weird, but I really don't care. The world is a lot bigger than it was in high school.

So this birthday is exciting for me, because it affirms how far I've come and how good things are. I have a great life. Those bullies have faded into the background, and they have grown and changed too. Life goes on. It gets better.

2010-10-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the International Day of Prayer. I didn't go to church; not really different than any other Sunday for me. I went to the Capitol with some prayer group people a few years ago to celebrate it. There was a choir and some speakers, one of whom was a former Muslim who had converted. At one point he drew crosses on the Capitol doors and everyone cheered. Not me, though. Separation of church and state, anyone?

Tonight I will pray as I always do. That's my way of celebrating. I think it's an awesome thing that people all over the world are praying together, but how is that different from any other Sunday? I find it interesting that we have to set aside a certain day for it. I wonder why this is and how the tradition got started. I'll have to look it up! Next time I will be able to talk about it a little more.

Sunday is not going to be Step Sunday. They have canceled the class d/t low attendance. So today I ran and walked on the treadmill. I only ran for about 1/2 of it, which turned out to be a mile. I ran at a 10:52 minute mile. This worked out to about 300 cal/30 min, which is actually a little less than I can do on the elliptical. Plus if I walk it works out to more like 200 cals. So from now on I will be doing the elliptical with music. It's nice to know I can do something a little easier and still get the benefits I want!

My scale is broken. Good riddance! I'll try to weigh myself less often at the gym. Actually, I probably shouldn't weigh myself at all; I should go by the MAC scale every week. I hope to be about 153 this week. I've been eating really well and exercising hard. I'm going to Interval tomorrow, so for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Pure Michigan

2010-10-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

T-minus 12 days. I'm not freaking out yet. My life is so much better than it was ten years ago: I'm not smoking, I'm fitter, I have a good group of friends and a job, and I feel like I know myself much better. Ten years ago I had just come to the Lansing area and I felt a little lost. I had come off an unpleasant five years in CA and was hoping to have a good life here. And I do.

Anyone else get choked up at the "Pure Michigan" ads? I do every time. The Lansing one especially. It's exciting to think "I live there!" A study has rated Lansing one of the top ten places for young professionals to live. It's a great town, and one that I am proud to say I live in. We have great restaurants, theaters, schools, markets, malls...just wonderful things.

Speaking of cities...I haven't visited New Francisco in a long time. I hope I do again. It's such a fun place. Dreams are a neat part of life. We spend a good part of our lives asleep, and we go interesting places in our dreams.

Ah, the geese are honking outside my window. It's fall. I love the change of seasons. I like each season in turn, but fall holds a special place in my heart. I want to see more trees turning. We have a few yellows and browns but it's time for some reds, oranges, and purples! I love when a tree is just starting to turn, when part of it's green and part of it's red. I have seen several of those on my runs.

I was going to run today but it's rainy and cold. I keep making excuses not to go, and my shoes have migrated under the bed. On the other hand, I want to use my gym membership well so it's good to be going there more. Today I'm going to do elliptical and tomorrow is Step Sunday, if they don't cancel it. If they do, I'll run on the treadmill or do weights. I am very happy to say I got to Strength and Stretch yesterday. It energized and focused me. We worked with stretchy bands to exercise our upper bodies. We also worked butt and abs. Then we did our yoga portion and some final stretches, ending with a minute or so of meditiation.

Last night Adam and I saw Fortinbras at Riverwalk. What a great show! We didn't have great seats, which dismayed me since I had called ahead. But we still enjoyed it. Every actor played their part with energy and humor. The director had made great choices, interpreting the script in the best way. The costumes--oh, the costumes! They added to the hilariousness of the show. The costumer paired high-tops and leather jackets with tights and codpieces (Fortinbras' monster codpiece was especially hilarious!). Evan P. played Fortinbras to the hilt. He is so talented! He's got great comic timing and the ability to play to the audience. A couple things went wrong for him but he rolled with it and even made one part--when he caught his sleeve on the armrest of his throne--a funny bit.

I went shopping yesterday at Kohl's to use a ten dollar off coupon. I LOVE that store! They have so many deals--for instance, they cut prices in half or more sometimes. I got a sweater and a pair of corduroys (very in right now) for less than *$20* with the coupon; without the deals it would have been $60! And even better? I got size *10* pants! The 12's were comfy but a little big so I tried the 10's. They fit with even a little breathing room!! One step closer to an 8.

My eyes are crying out for contacts and I need a shower, so--

Hanging up now...

My Student, my President, my God, and Me

2010-09-28T17:55:00.001-07:00

This has been an exciting day! First, I did my weekly workout with Stephanie. I weighed in FIVE pounds HEAVIER than last week! Obviously, it's impossible that I gained five pounds in one week. My fat % stayed the same so it's just water weight. I also maintain that every scale reads differently; my scale at home usually reads 153-154. I'm still aiming for 145 by November. My clothes still fit loose, and I like the way I look in the mirror. I will have to get some new jeans for my birthday; every pair is too loose. I think I've gone from a 12 to a 10. I'd love to be an 8, but that may not happen. If I get my waist measurement down, it may be doable.

The workout was not as grueling as usual. Part of this was because we started late. But things seemed easier d/t my increasing endurance and strength. Doing Interval and running has made a big difference. I'm running again tomorrow with the goal of running the whole way. I really think that's possible. Stephanie was also happy with my food journal. Although I ate out several times the past week, I planned my "in" meals carefully. I didn't drink as much soda either.

I also worked with Remya today. It was the kind of lesson teachers dream about. I presented the vocab to her and we did the lesson as I laid out last time: pretest, learning definitions, exercises. She made the wonderful journey of discovery. When she did the pretest, guessing at what the words meant based on each sentence, she became frustrated as she searched for the word. She knew some right off the bat but had never heard of others. We then looked at the examples to see how close she was. She showed relief when she had gotten it right and laughed when she was off--sometimes WAY off. As she did the exercises, she got better and better. She felt triumphant when she finished. We had a little time left over to do one grammar lesson and then I gave her her homework assignment.

I think she really enjoyed the learning experience today. I know it made my day. It's great to see a student learn and grow. I'm glad I am able to be part of that experience. She sometimes throws questions at me that make me think on my feet, and I am usually able to answer these questions. I enjoy teaching the vocabulary more than I do the grammar--word meanings come easier to me than language rules, so it's the same when I work with my students. I left today with a feeling of accomplishment that will carry me through the whole week.

Later I was looking online for information on the DADT controversy and I stumbled upon a video with President Obama addressing a small group discussing education and the economy. A woman threw a question at him about his feelings on being a Christian. There is so much misinformation about Obama on this subject that it was good to hear him personally talk about it. What I heard amazed me. I did not know that he was not raised in any church. He talked about his mother as a spiritual person but said they did not go to church. He said he came to the church later in life. It was his personal decision. This floored me because it was the same experience I had. I came to the church on my own after being raised by parents who didn't believe we had to abide by any church-imposed rules. Whatever I decide about my own faith, I have the experience of coming to the church as a choice I made, not something mindless I have done out of family tradition. Thank you to my parents for that! I'm sure this testimony of his will open him up to all sorts of new criticism, but I believe it makes him a stronger Christian than those who would oppose him. I respect tradition, but there's something to be said about a person who discovers a need within themselves and seeks a personal way to fill it.

So where am I on this whole thing today? I still like the idea of finding a group of God-lovers...I like that word. There's a lot of rethinking of beliefs on the part of some people around me right now, which I won't go into out of respect for their privacy. In the end, I believe we all have to choose our own way and God loves us all no matter what path we take.

I will be thinking about this more as I go through life on my own persoanl spiritual quest. But for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Just some stuff

2010-09-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Today was Interval and I actually made it! I was able to do the cardio part pretty well, which was different from last time. My running and elliptical work has helped in that arena, I think. Yesterday I was going to do Step but they cancelled the class; however, I had brought my music and did elliptical instead. I did the same thing where I went hard for two minutes and then slower for two minutes. Sometimes I did the harder part for longer than two minutes at a time, too.

After I went to the gym yesterday, I went to Schuler's to find a good adult vocabulary book to use with Remya. The associate steered me towards the ESL books but I found nothing there. I got frustrated. Then I thought for a minute and decided I needed to check out the "regular" vocab books. Success! I found a book that is just hard enough, but not insanely difficult. I wrote a pre-test for the words (12 each lesson) and after she takes that we will do the lesson itself. There are exercises and a paragraph that uses the words in context. For the next week, I will have her write sentences with the words in them similar to the pre-test. We will continue doing grammar, just not as many lessons at a time.

In 17 days, I will be 40. Wow. I certainly don't "feel" 40; I feel more like 25. I'm getting my headshots done soon and I think those will show my inner age. The guy doing my headshots did the pictures for my church picture directory and I feel like he took good pictures of me. We work together well; he has done my headshots before.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Hanging up now...

Looking back...

2010-09-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

I had a third consecutive dream about my cop friend. We were in a school, and I went into a classroom with a kid (not mine). My friend started under his breath. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "There's a demon in here. Get out of here. Run down the hall as fast as you can and keep running no matter what!". I ran out into the hall and there were demons everywhere. The dream faded out but not before we had an "eye of the storm" moment with the song "Hallelujah" playing in the background.

Last night was the end of the series of dreams. Instead, I dreamt about my Halloween costume. I often work things out in dreams. I planned on going as a Renaissance dominatrix (complete with bodice, short skirt, mask and whip) but then the invite said the theme was "traditional" Halloween costumes: witches, vampires, ghosts and the like. My costume goes along with that theme but in an offbeat way. You'll just have to wait until November 6 to find out what it is! I will tell you it involves a new T-shirt, fake blood, and something you could find at a hardware store. And it's not the guy from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

Good workout yesterday. Now that I have music it's easy to do 30 mins. I did interval speeds too--two minutes fast, two minutes not as fast (but not slow until my cooldown). That's a good way to burn more fat. I got up in plenty of time to go to Strength and Stretch but I didn't because I had a lunch date (which I didn't remember til last night). We had a good time. I went to The Soup Spoon with my friend Julie. I have to recommend it! especially the Seafood Chowder. They have shrimo po' boys and I might try that next time---I'm skeptical but they are made with Gulf shrimp (surprisingly).

So I think I'll take a walk today and lift tomorrow, with an eye towards doing Step on Sunday. Step Sunday. And then Monday is Interval again.

Margaret and I were talking and I mentioned that one of my characters was Creole and spoke with an accent. We had a long time about how Creole was different from Cajun and that I had picked a very hard accent to work with. We decided that it would be much better for Marie to be from New Orleans so I went back through the script again.. I basically had to translate all her lines into Standard American English. I actually had a lot of fun with it. She has a very different but still authentic voice. She has a few cheres and speaks without contractions sometimes, but on the whole her speech is unaccented.

Well, it's time for that walk, so...

Hanging up now...

Ringo, Love Interest, Creature Comforts, and Future

2010-09-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

Didn't get into Puss in Boots. I feel fine about it. Many of my friends got in it, including Anna, and that makes me happy. A couple people said they were surprised I wasn't cast. One of my friends was cast mainly because he fit the part physically, but he said, "Maybe they'll need a sassy redhead sometime." I like that. Not sure about the redhead part--I'm shooting for brown. But I like the sassy part!

I have really recommitted to eating right and exercising. I ran today, running most of the way. Ran the whole trail, part of Hullett, and all of the street home. I feel like I can run the whole thing next time. Tomorrow I will do elliptical at the gym and then Strength and Stretch Friday, if I get up on time. I was looking over my old entries and saw that I was interested in doing the Sunday Step class. I might look into that. I remember being a little intimidated by a whole hour on the step. I didn't know if I could keep up with that. But now now that I've done the running and Interval I think I could.

I've cut out soda and I have been eating smaller portions. Tonight I had a wonderful steak with potatoes and mixed veggies. I ate a little more than half the steak, and saved the rest along with about half of the veggies. I'm still having a problem with eating late at night. Last night I had the other half of my dinner and then about 3/4 of a bag of popcorn. Later, right before bed, I had a couple pieces of low fat pepper jack.

Maybe the cheese affected my dream state. I had some doozies last night. In the first one, Ringo Starr and I were cutting up melons in his kitchen. He was making advances towards me, at one point stroking my hair with a brush he had moistened in the melon juice. He propositioned me and I rejected him, calling him "Mr. Starr". Who calls Ringo "Mr. Starr"?

The second dream was really interesting because it featured the return of a character from my dream the night before. He is a short, red-headed, kind of cute cop. In the dream last night, I was in a bar watching some friends play pool. A crude man came over and made fun of my friends while trying to get me to leave with him. My cop friend came over and told him to knock it off, and this degenerated into a fist fight between the two men. I didn't get to see who won because the dream faded out. I had a third dream that I was in the bath and Momma K was giving me a manicure (the manicure part is completely possible, as she does this for people) but that was just a short, mundane dream.

So what's next for me? More exercising, more eating right, auditions for Almost, Maine (which are in November, when I plan to be at my target weight), and, wonderfully, the staged reading of Drag. I had to call the office because there was a typo in the title on the website: it said "A comedy ABOUT attire", which sounds totally stupid, not "A comedy OF attire" which is like a comedy of errors. I haven't looked to see if Mike changed it--I was distracted by the PIB cast list.

Maybe I'm a better writer than actor...?

Hanging up now...

2010-09-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Well, it's after 10:30 on Tuesday night. Several of my friends have gotten calls about the show. I don't think I got cast. However, I remember BT when some people didn't get called until the day after the second night. I got lucky; Ann called me within a few hours of getting cast. I had to wait on SB however.

And now for something completely different...

I want to talk about something else. I haven't been to church in a long time and I don't miss it at all. Choir started up again and even missing that isn't enough to make me go back. Why am I not going back? I want something different. I am questioning my relationship with God. I find the church I have been going to is too regimented and full of white, rich, conservative people. Something that used to give me pleasure that now weirds me out is the call to worship. Everyone sounds like a bunch of zombies saying the same words together. Jeanne's sermons are great, of course, but I don't even miss those.

I've thought of going to another church. There is a Unitarian Universalist church in EL that might be more up my alley, but the services are too early for me. I don't want to go to Trinity with Heidi; I find it quite conservative. There aren't many other options. I don't go to prayer group; I just pray on my own.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do for the Christmas Eve candlelight service. I really like the service but I might feel a little funny going after I haven't been to church all year. I think everyone would be accepting of me. It might still be nice to go and just not sing in the choir.

I haven't given much thought to the implications this may hold for me as a believer and a Christian. I don't believe I'll go to hell. I'm still a good person; I still pray and treat my neighbor as I would like to be treated. I don't think one religion is better than another. The reading on Sept. 11 supported this. So I don't ally with those Christians that uphold the Bible as the only true text and Christianity as the only true religion.

I haven't told my sister about this development. When she asked if I still liked my church, I told her yes. If I told her I was dissatisfied, she might suggest converting to Catholicism. That would not be for me. I'm not interested in a religion that believes in hell and takes orders from the Pope. I would like to find a group of people who feel as I do, who are searching and interested in growing as God-lovers. Not even necessarily Christians--just those who want to be good people in the eyes of God. I think I'll start reading my Bible again and see where that leads me.

Well, I don't think Jane will call tonight and I would like to take a relaxing bath to unwind. So I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Puss in Boots

2010-09-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

Got back from Puss in Boots auditions a while ago. It went well, but I don't think I'll get cast. Too much competition. We're back to the old "If there are a lot of people auditioning, I won't get a part." There is no ensemble in this show, so it won't be like SB. I predict who the director will cast after the night is over and I don't see me getting any roles. I did my best, though.

People from Thunderhoof, Bremen Town, and Sleeping Beauty were there. It was a nice reunion. I was the only one who had been in all three shows. We all sang and read well. We're a talented group. :) There were lots of good people. The director's going to have a hard time deciding who to cast. I was a little dismayed because the actors kept talking among themselves. People weren't being fair to others by being unruly. But I don't think it threw anybody off too much.

Didn't make it to Interval today. I didn't sleep that well last night and didn't get up in time. I took a walk instead. Tomorrow I work with Stephanie and hopefully my weight will be down. My food journal has fewer oopsies in it.But I haven't been working out hard enough. Maybe I will run Wednesday. I ran on the treadmill Thursday, so I need to run soon. One of my FB friends told me about a training group that runs together every Saturday at 8 or 8:30. Like I'm going to get up for that! I would be in a lot better shape if I weren't so lazy.

Well, I'm going to check FB again and then go to bed.

Hanging up now...

Are you feeling it?

2010-09-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

Adam and I went to the Blues Fest last night. It is another reason why I love Lansing. It takes place in Old Town, my favorite part of town. We saw Bryan Lee and the Power Blues Band. They were great! Bryan has been playing and singing blues in New Orleans for thirty years. He has a great stage presence. He would ask us from time to time, "Are you feeling it?" We were.

They played for an hour and a half and the time just flew by. Then Adam said he was hungry but all the stalls were closed. I proposed going back to his place and ordering pizza so that's what we did. I left around 1 and had a hell of a time getting back home. I went past campus--BIG mistake. The traffic was moving SO slow! I didn't get home til about 1:30. MSU won, though! I can't believe we beat Notre Dame! Maybe MSU will beat UM. I don't really care who wins since I went to both schools.

Went for a short walk today, about two miles. It took me an hour including a stop at Starbuck's. I got a Caramel Light Frappucino...not good. It's low in calories but it has a lot of sugar. I found out something that turned me off to Diet Coke completely. Apparently aspartame was originally intended to be a pesticide, but the makers found that it was too close to DDT! Wow! I knew it had been found to cause cancer, but I had no idea it was THAT bad. No more diet soda for me!!!

I'm going to Interval tomorrow. I hope I'm better this week than last. The cardio was SO hard. The weights weren't that easy either. I do a lot of weight on my own and with Stephanie, but I use really light weights in the class--8, 10, or 12 pound dumbbells. I think it's harder because we are doing cardio intervals between the weightlifting portion.

Puss in Boots auditions are tomorrow. I have my song all ready to go and I know what I'm wearing, if it's cool. If it's warm I'll have to think of something else. I've worked really hard on my song and I'm pleased with it. The CD has been really helpful. If I get in this will be my third show this year!

Hanging up now...

Caroline, or Change

2010-09-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy gloomy day, but my head is full of soaring music and fantastic performances from Caroline, Or Change, which Adam and I saw last night. It's a wonderful show. It's set in 1963 in Louisiana and stars a new actress on the scene, Tigiste Habertmariam (don't have my program, but I think that's right.) She gave a powerful, Barney-worthy performance. The whole cast had energy and depth. The director, Chad Badgero (the founder of Peppermint Creek Theatre Company) brought the script to life, presenting a show that was at once provocative and entertaining.

Although the show is set in the South in 1963, it is not a "period piece." Sadly, we are dealing with many of the same issues today. Caroline works in a job she hates for too little money, beset by so many problems she can't see a way out or the possibility of change. Her employers are oblivious to her situation; the white woman who offers Caroline the deal of keeping the change left in her son's pockets cannot see how close this is to charity. Why doesn't she give her a raise instead? The family that employs her is Jewish, and there is a scene where one of the grandfathers waxes poetic about the change coming but decries the doctrine of non-violence championed by Dr. King. Caroline's daughter gets into a heated discussion with him, starting out by saying, "I don't think you understand." The scene reminded me of a scene from "Driving Miss Daisy" where Daisy attends a dinner honoring MLK while Hoke sits in the car waiting with all the other black chauffeurs.

"We've come so far since then", right? In some ways yes, in some ways no. The great change that was supposed to happen never got here. People are still denied a fair shake denied on the basis of difference from the norm. People of color, Jews, women, those who have a less accepted sexual preference...I don't consider myself PC; to say it's political correctness to want equality for all is a cop-out. What does that mean anyway? PC is just another label slapped on us by the privileged and those who don't see. I know I am privileged myself, by virtue of my class status, my color, and my country of origin. So maybe I don't have room to talk. I hate it when those more privileged think they can speak for those less so: if anything is PC, that is. If that sounds like what I'm doing, I'm sorry. It's just what I have seen in my 39 years on this planet. I work with people who are slammed into this culture and this country with no way of accessing the code most of us here take for granted. They capture the true meaning of "alien"--they are alienATED from our customs, our language, the daily interactions we take for granted. I think that events like the one I experienced last night and the gathering on September 11 can change the way we think and maybe even the way things are.

So that's my impressions and some of the things the show made me think about. It's great when art can challenge accepted norms. I hope to do that myself--most of my plays definitely have an element of radicalism. Drag certainly does. I look forward to the impact the production may make. I think art can be entertaining as well as challenging and an impetus to change. I hope the art I create can be like that.

Workin' On My Fitness

2010-09-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Good news! I weighed in at 153.8 at the MAC today, two pounds lighter than the last time. That means I've lost a pound a week. Everything is proceeding according to plan (insert maniacal laugh here.) Fat % is the same. Stephanie worked me hard. It went really fast, though. Usually I go through the thing where I look up at the clock and it's twenty minutes in, and I think, "Oh, we're moving along", and then I feel like a lot of time has passed until I look up at the clock and it's only ten minutes later! My food journal had a lot fewer red marks in it; I ate out less and drank less soda. And that is reflected by the weight on the scale. This week I am setting myself the goal of not having any soda AT ALL and only eating out a few times. Better for my wallet anyway.

Speaking of my wallet...I tutored Remya today and was able to put $20 towards my dress fund. I have $140 now, more than I did when I had to pay the ticket. If I just don't have to dip again, I will be on my way! The dress is $250, so I'm over halfway there.

There's a job opening at LCC for a tutor. It's only part-time but I fit the qualifications. I'm going to email the contact person and see what comes of it. I know I can get a stellar rec letter from a professor I worked with a few years ago. They want transcripts brought to the interview. My grades weren't great in all my English Ed classes (average of 3.0) but if I remember correctly, my TESOL classes were all 3.5s and 4.0s. The only requirement is a bachelor's degree, which I have.

Less than a month...! I have made a FB event of going to Buddies for karaoke on Thursday and I've gotten about 12 yes's. There are 26 maybes and three no's. I'm pretty happy with that; it's early and a lot of people haven't responded yet. I don't want more than 20 people or so. If I get more, I will have to see if I can reserve several big tables.

I LOVE FALL! I just poured myself a big glass of cider. The air is getting cooler and I just saw some trees turning today. It's good running weather. Tomorrow I'm going to run the 4 mile stretch I walked the other day. I did Interval yesterday and found the cardio was a little difficult for me. That means I'm not doing enough running.

So, to sum up: the fitness battle is turning in my favor. Still excited about birthday coming up. And there are other things to look forward to, like Halloween, bonfires, and the Michigan Renaissance Festival. And the next show, of course, whatever that may be.

Hanging up now...

Peace

2010-09-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was September 11. I was wondering how to commemorate it. I lost a cousin that day who was younger than I, and on the up and up. All those lost left a hole in the fabric of our country.

So I saw a note on FB about a reading of the Koran at an Episcopal church in East Lansing. It seemed the perfect thing. What a good way to unite our communities, to heal wounds and repair burnt bridges. I went alone, for some reason. It was as if I wanted to take in the experience without someone to share it with, as if that would color it somehow. I have a tendency to worry about what the other person is thinking during the event, whether it's a show or a movie or a concert. I sat with a woman I knew from OCC who went to the church. I didn't "worry" about her experience; I knew she was part of it already.

The reading started with a chant. Two people, a Muslim man and woman, presented the first part. He chanted, opening the evening's events with the sound of the Koran as it has been heard for centuries. It was beautiful. It went on for about five minutes and then the young woman translated. The story was the story of Abraham. I knew that there were some similarities between the two books but I didn't realize just how many similarities there were. Even Jesus was mentioned!

There were about fifteen readers, my friend being one. Some of them read awkwardly, stumbling over the words. Most of them read pretty well. A few were very animated and made it all worthwhile. But the language and the patterns were unaffected. The reading showed how this was simply a religious text, another interpretation of the will of God.

After it was over, I felt a sense of happiness and peace. I talked to the young man who had chanted at the beginning. Another woman (his mother?) bragged about his good voice. I said hello to several of the other Muslim people there, most of them young women, and thanked them for coming. We all realized we were not so foreign after all, and that there was nothing to fear.

So that's how I spent September 11. I thought about my cousin and lit a candle for him and all those who had lost their lives. And I connected with the "foreigners" in a positive and loving way. Thanks be to the church for putting it on and for the Spirit that unites us all!

And what else have I done lately? I have FINISHED the third draft of Checking Out! I'm so excited. I want to send it off to be read by my "critics", Adam and the folks. After I get their input, I will tweak it a bit more and then give it to LCP in November. Fun!

I did a four mile walk today. I think I will run it next time. It took me about an hour and a half. Running it might cut it ten minutes or so. I saw a turtle and a little garter snake. I wanted to get a picture of the snake but he was too fast for me.

I will be 40 in one month. More and more people have been amazed when I tell them how old I am. Everyone thinks I'm younger. I've made an event on FB for a celebration at Buddies Thursday the 14th. I'd like to get together with Adam and a few others Wednesday. I'm planning on celebrating with the folks the weekend before. I've requested cheesecake. Mom makes the best cheesecake around.

Well, tomorrow is Interval and I need to go. I've gained in the past few weeks and my measurements have gone up. So I need to get back on the horse of working out harder and eating better. I WILL get down to the weight I want to be! I will!

Hanging up now...

Back from the 'Zoo

2010-09-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

Got back this afternoon after a great trip. We saw "Scott Pilgrim" and it was awesome! I would highly recommend it to anyone. I was worried Dad wouldn't get it because it goes very fast and is visually and audially overstimulating. It is a movie for the We generation, but we old people can like it too.

Speaking of old...I'm turning 40 in a month and a week! Milestone. Libby thought I was twenty-eight! She got this shocked look on her face when I told her I would be turning forty in October. Forty used to seem so old, but now that I'm there, it's not old at all. I know myself so much better than I did when I was 28. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically stronger. I don't "look" forty--whatever that looks like. My face is practically wrinkle-free. And I don't "act" forty, whatever that means. I guess it's because I don't have a lot of responsibilities--no kids, no partner, no house, no 9-5 job. My life is still very much like that of a 28 year old.

We had a nice walk with Libby last night. We walked pretty fast and covered a lot of ground. She goes farther than I do around the compound. We didn't see any turkeys, but we did see a few deer. I walked again today and it took me 42 minutes. That's a 21 minute mile--pretty fast for me! It made me happy. I guess I walk fast and run slow. Sometimes I wonder if I should just walk. 100 calories a mile is really pretty good, I think.

Looking at my desk calendar makes me look at the photo next to it. It's from the play I wrote that Torchlight did. It's a cast photo, and I am there with them in costume. What a wonderful memory. We all look so happy and perfect for the show. The experience brought a lot of joy to me. I hope that RWT's staged reading of Drag brings me the same feeling, the euphoria of seeing my work getting done. Dreams coming true.

People have posted more pictures from Sleeping Beauty on FB. They show us having so much fun and you can see the camaraderie. I've used one of the photos for my profile picture--it shows me with Anna and another guy in the cast. Good times. It's fun to see a show bring people together like that.

I'm going to try to find "That'll Show Him". My former voice teacher wasn't much help--she just said it was from Forum, which I already knew. I'll have to either find the score for Forum or find a book with the song in it. I'd rather have a songbook with the number in it because it would give me more choices for song selections. I can't find my copy of "Second Hand Rose" so I'll have to look for something else anyway. It's been sitting on my keyboard for years! but I moved it and now I can't find it.

Well, it's dinnertime and I gots stuff to do, so--

Hanging up now...

Fishin'!

2010-09-04T17:34:00.000-07:00

I'm in Kalamazoo, writing on my dad's computer. Yesterday I drove from Okemos. It took me 2 1/2 hours because I couldn't go 94 so I went to GR and took 131 back to Kzoo. I got into trouble around GR when I got off 131 accidentally and wound up asking three different places for directions until I got back on. So that added 1/2 hr. When I got here, Dad and I went fishing. It was COLD! and it started to rain late in the evening. HOWever, I caught 4 bluegills, the last one the biggest catch of the night. They were really weird to catch! The first one just sort of dragged on the line like a weed--no fight at all. The second didn't take the bobber down at all, I just felt a tug and then a little weight. The third one was the same, and the fourth was a little more classic--but only a little. We used crickets and waxworms and I caught them all on a cricket-waxworm sandwich.

Today we went to Smith Lake, and the cold and windy weather continued. No rain though. We had steak, corn, and tomatoes for lunch. Mom and I took the canoe out. It was quite a project getting us into the boat! We couldn't get in the water like we do in the summer and there was a boat moored to the dock so we couldn't get in from the dock. We ended up climbing over the boat (which was full of water) to get in the canoe. Once we were in, we set off. We headed toward the north end, counting lillies--there were a few left. We saw some birds that we thought were geese, but they didn't fly like geese. I didn't get a good look at them but I think they were herons. We turned at the north end and headed over to the west side. We scared a couple of swans who swam out to the middle of the lake. Coming back from the west side, we ran into some wind that had picked up. It took us a while to get back. I felt pretty weak given all my training. Alfred's words from Batman Begins came back to me: "What use is all those pushups if you can't even lift a bloody log?"

We made it back in one piece and decided to head back to Kzoo. We got back in time for me to go running. I told Stephanie that I would work out and so I stuck to my promise. I ran/walked around Greenleaf Circle, which is the main drag through the compound. I didn't run much of it--maybe under half. I ran about 6 minutes before I stopped the first time. I guess I don't have much endurance even now. At least I'm trying. Tomorrow Mom and I are walking with a neighbor, Libby. She goes on a two-mile walk and she says she goes through an area where she always sees turkeys. Mom has never seen a wild turkey so it will be fun for her. I see them all the time when I go up Hagadorn to East Lansing; they like to hang out in the ditches. I hope I never hit one; what a mess that would make!

Tomorrow we are having the Labor Day Pines picnic. I'm making a salad with feta, walnuts, and dried cranberries. Should be yummy. I'm not planning on having any hot dogs or dessert. Maybe just one hot dog. But no more! I ate THREE at Momma K's cast party. Speaking of Momma K, I went over there Thursday. We watched the Sleeping Beauty DVD and the Puss in Boots DVD. Riverwalk is doing Puss in Boots and the auditions are at the end of September. I'm going to audition...so what happened to Shot in the Dark, you ask? Well, first Mike had to drop out of directing it due to work issues. I would probably have pulled out of it then. But then I saw on the LCP Facebook page that they weren't doing the show at all due to copywright issues. So now they are doing ANOTHER show, which they will announce on Monday--six days before auditions. No thanks! Puss is a cute show, and there are several parts I could do. If I can find it, I'm going to sing "That'll Show Him" from Forum. I sang it for auditions for another show at RWT a long time ago (six years ago!)

Well, I've taken up my dad's computer for long enough. He's been very patiently working his crossword puzzle. I may write about the party tomorrow, I may not. So for now I'll say...

Hanging up now...

Fun stuff!

2010-08-27T16:56:00.001-07:00

Am I feeling good! I just finished dinner after a four-mile walk to and from Meijer. It felt really nice to get out and be active. I am also excited about Drag being done. I dropped off part of the play to SaDonna (they didn't get the whole thing, for some reason.)I read it over again myself and I think it is pretty good! I told SaDonna I want Jeff C. to direct it because he does important plays and this is an important play. I was struck by the huge changes I had made between the Michigan draft and the script we have now. I think OyamO would be really happy with this version.

Okay, so what does all of this mean? When I was at Michigan, I wrote a little play about a young man who plays women's roles in an Elizabethan theater company and his sister who runs away to join him. The play's issues include questioning gender identity, sexuality,and the role of religion in artistic expression. It was a fun script to write and I took a play writing class to workshop it and present it. The class was made up of seven playwrights, seven directors, and a bunch of actors. Two professors ran the class, one supervising the direction and one supervising the writing who was a playwright himself. That person was OyamO (Charles Gordon.) He is amazing. He took me under his wing and we spent many hours talking about the play. I actually ended up playing Satan in a play he wrote, but that's another story.

So, the play. I revised it as we went along and made the mistake of being influenced by one of the actors' negative feelings. He was homophobic and was having trouble playing a gay character. I changed the ending to suit him, and that was a mistake. The play still won the Dennis McIntyre prize, a Hopwood award. I won $500! but that's beside the point. The point is, I came out of the class with a finished product that, while problematic, represented something I could be proud of.

Flash forward to a few years ago. I revisited the play and wrote yet another new ending, one I was more than happy with--it might be accurate to say I was delighted by it. I changed the name from "Drag" to "Drag: A Comedy of Attire." I let it sit.

Again, forward to recently. Riverwalk put out a call for original scripts to be performed as a series of staged readings in the Black Box. I submitted three plays: Drag, We Need a Fourth, and Bacchanal. The committee selected Drag! I was surprised and pleased. I met Eileen O'Leary, the committee chair, and she actually hugged me on meeting me. :)

She then asked me who I wanted to direct. I knew right away. Jeff Croff has always done groundbreaking work and I thought he would be perfect. I asked him and he said yes. The reading will take place November 7.

So that's it in a nutshell. We still have to meet to discuss the play and of course we need time to work with the actors. He wants to do it very simply and I'm all for that. The emphasis is on the written word, not on production values. I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lansing theater community will have to say about this work.

One problem: Shot's production week starts the week of the 7th. I would not be able to be there for that Sunday rehearsal. And if I get in the show, I won't be able to come to any rehearsals Jeff may want to have. Unless he wants to do a Saturday rehearsal or something. We could just do that, I guess. We'll see.Of course, all of this depends on whether or not I get into Shot.

Now, Taming of the Shrew. I'm not doing it. It conflicts with going home for Labor Day--I didn't realize LD was coming up. I'm going to see a Tigers game on the 9th so I will just stay in Kzoo for that. It's okay, really--it would have been a lot of stress right before auditions for something I really want to do. Talked to Mike and he says they're having trouble with copyright issues. They aren't able to combine the two scripts like they wanted to. They may have to do the stage play as is. Mike doesn't want the action confined to one space as it is in the play. That's the difference between plays and films, though--films can do more location-wise.

So that's what's going on with me. Mom is coming for lunch tomorrow and I'm taking her to Altu's. She hasn't been there before. I will spend the rest of the evening cleaning and puttering around FB. So for now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

Thinking (way) ahead....

2010-08-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

You're just a lazy good-for-nothing lump of blah
You look like something someone left out in the rain
You're so mean and ugly you should be against the law
You're a monster, you're just a pain!

Hairy, scary, floppy, sloppy
You're an awful shock
That old face of yours could stop a clock
Any sort of clock!

I wouldn't kiss that ugly mug of yours
No one would, if she could!
You make me--yecccchhh!--
Sick, sick sick sick sick!!
Agghh!

This is an awesome song from Jack and the Beanstalk. I had been going back and forth about auditioning for Hairspray when I started thinking about this song. I decided it was the perfect audition song for Mrs. Von Tussle. No one will know it, it is in the right range for the role, the sentiment is right, and it's funny. At least I think it's funny. I am now excited about auditioning, even though auditions are five months away.

The pinkeye is a little better. There were no crusties when I woke up this morning, but there were some when I got up 45 minutes later. My eyes don't burn or ooze or anything.I wore my glasses to work out. I hadn't lost or gained any weight or fat %. I think that's pretty good considering the Chicago-style sausage patty pizza and no strenuous workouts since Interval last week.

Remya and I had a good lesson today. We are playing catch-up and never seem to have enough time to cover everything. I made the mistake of asking her if she needed help on understanding her driver's ed manual and we went 15 minutes over. I won't do that again; I'm not going to charge for the extra time but I don't want to be giving out freebies either. My time is valuable.

I may be doing some Shakespeare. Mike wrote on my wall and told me Bach Dor Shakespeare still needs a Bianca and Biondello (a) for Taming of the Shrew. It goes up soon but I could see myself doing it. It would be fun. Biondella (Biondello in the script) is actually quite a big role, bigger than Bianca. I would like to take on something smaller. That's why I wrote back and told him I would do Bianca.

And then there's Shot in the Dark auditions. I still need to watch the movie. I wonder how they will adapt the script. They are branching out into doing some interesting things, such as Misery and Shot. I am hoping to get the third draft of Checking Out done in the next month or so. And then it goes off to the committee! I'm excited at the prospect of getting so much exposure. First Uncommon Good, then Sleeping Beauty, then possibly Taming of the Shrew, and then auditions for Shot, followed by the Drag staged reading. And then Checking Out potentially getting done.

Okay, I'm just staring at this post with nothing more to say. So I guess there's one more thing to say...

Hanging up now...

Blue eyes, pink eyes

2010-08-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

Lots to cover. I'll start from today and work back. I have pinkeye! I woke up with a lot of crusty stuff on my eyes and they were uncomfortable and red. I went to Okemos' urgent care facility and they gave me a prescription for drops. They said I was contagious only if I touched people. They also said I would not be contagious any more after my eyes stopped being red.

I noticed it in Kalamazoo on one of our bus stops. I ended up taking the bus to Chicago because it was 1/2 as much as the train. The ride was okay, except for a few weirdos and some loud kids. It was mainly nice to have time to read and relax instead of concentrating on the road.

It was great to see Kevin! I got in Friday and we went straight to the concert. He and his friend had both brought yummy things to eat. The concert was lovely, but it didn't really feature Yo-Yo Ma enough. He was really only highlighted in one piece. He played with a group called Silk Road that played a lot of different interesting instruments, including a bagpipe-like instrument and one that produced music like a pipe organ.

Saturday was wonderful. We got to Bristol at about 11. There was so much to see and do! We didn't even try to see everything. We took in about five shows and listened to several musicians along the way. I got a rather interesting and hopeful reading. The woman said I would be dealing with some chaos in the next few months but it would all turn out all right. She also said there was romance coming and saw that she could see me being self-employed. I told her about the tutoring and she said that would go well for me, but there might also be a more traditional job that would require a move. Most interesting: She saw someone with brown hair and blue eyes that would be a drain on me. She told me to stay away from this person.

Saturday night we continued our fun. After we got back to his place, showered, and changed, we went to pick up a real Chicago-style pizza! Not only was it a wonderful deep-dish pizza, it also had a sausage "patty" that covered the entire pizza. Two pieces were plenty for me.

And one of the most fun things: Kevin had found a movie we watched in our childhood that I had thought lost. It has stood the test of time! It's a musical version of Jack and the Beanstalk that has a neat twist and was the first anime I'd ever seen. We ate our pizza and loved every minute of it.

So now I'm back to the pinkeye. Hopefully it will go away in the next day or so. I'm working with both Stephanie and Remya tomorrow, and I will have to stay away from them. I have to wear my glasses to work out--my eyes don't feel ready for contacts.

Wonder who that blue-eyed person is?

Hanging up now...

Good day, new obsession

2010-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 9:30 today but I went back to bed and slept til almost 1. I don't think I need any extra sleep tonight. I have been feeling good all day. No aches, hardly any sore throat, no congestion.

I have been thinking about Inception a lot, specifically Cillian Murphy. He plays Robert Fisher Jr., the man Seito (Ken Watanabe) wants to abandon his empire. He (Murphy) is SO hot! I thought he was hot in Batman Begins, but the main attraction there was Christian Bale, of course. Murphy was also in Breakfast on Pluto, which was another great movie. I've looked him up on ImDB and found out a few things. He was born in Ireland in 1976, speaks French and Gaelic (his father's Irish and his mother's French--great combination!), is married to Yvonne McGuiness (how much more Irish can you get?) and is just beautiful. Smart, too. He is my new obsession. I'd like to see more of his movies. He plays a terrorist in Red Eye, so I'll probably start with that.

Tomorrow I am working with Remya at 4:30. I plan to work out before then, probably lifting weights at the gym. At 7 I'm seeing a play at the Creole that is part of the Renegade theater festival in Old Town. I wanted to go to see the Lansing Derby Vixens but that will have to be another night. I can't be everywhere at once!

Hanging up now...

Continuing saga of the ick

2010-08-17T19:59:00.000-07:00

Last night was the climax of my illness. I got very achy last night before bed with accompanying chills. I usually turn the air on at night but I didn't because I was so cold. Then I got in bed and was burning up, but I didn't feel like turning on the air because I had been so cold. I alternated between chills and extreme heat all night, dreaming about holding a huge block of ice to my face. My fever broke sometime early this morning, and I slept well until 10:30.

I was supposed to work out with Stephanie but I texted her and said I needed some more R & R. I slept until 2, got up and showered, ate something, and decided not to work with Remya today. We put our heads together very close as we look at the grammar book and I didn't want to expose her to anything. We are working together Thursday.

I feel a lot better now, just kind of out of it...probably because I slept so much today. I made my own dinner and took a walk afterwards, both of which were good for me. I cleaned a little and played on FB for a while, and I'm going to head to bed after I finish this.

I need to be better by the time I go to Chicago. I am still taking aspirin, drinking lots of tea and running my humidifier, and getting LOTS of sleep. I slept about 14 hours counting last night and today. I imagine I didn't sleep that whole time last night, seeing as the fever kept waking me up. I felt so much better after it broke!

It's hard at times like these to have no one to take care of me. I'm not complaining; it's more an issue of safety. Who would know if I had a problem? I suppose I would call an ambulance if need be. But what if I wasn't able to do that?

Well, I think the worst is over. I'm going to head to bed and take it easy tomorrow. I'm lucky enough to have a job where I can make my own hours and not conform to a set schedule. So I'm looking forward to a night of restful sleep on my clean sheets.

Hanging up now...

The icks

2010-08-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get sick. I will NOT let it get bad. I've just been achy and my throat's been sore. I took a three hour nap today and that seems to have helped. I also took an aspirin and have been drinking tea (Wild Sweet Orange by Tazo--great for a cold!)

Adam and I are going to see Inception tonight. I have tried to avoid any press about it. Several friends have posted about it on FB but I just don't look at it. We are seeing it in IMAX. We are going to (hopefully) go to Texas Roadhouse before then. We have had some trouble getting in before, but that has been on a weekend night.

Am working out the details of going to Bristol on Friday. I will leave EL by bus at 12:15. The bus will take me to Battle Creek by 1:30 and then the train to Chi-town leaves at 2:06. It gets into Chicago at 4:16. Then Kevin will pick me up and we will go to the concert! And then Bristol the next day. I need to find out how much tix are for both.

I am already getting excited about Shot in the Dark. Auditions are in mid-September. It's funny how I can move from one show to another without being sad that one is done. It's because of experience--some people who haven't done shows before or shows at Riverwalk have posted on FB how sad they are. I have done two shows already this year and hope to do another. Love this!

I have to get ready to see Inception so for now I'll say...

Hanging up now...

Putting Beauty to Bed

2010-08-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

The run of Sleeping Beauty has come and gone. It was nothing short of amazing. We had huge, appreciative audiences. A total of 1000+ people came to see it. My folks came the first Friday and I had some friends come today: Stephanie, her new beau, and his kids. Tim also came with JJ. When I asked JJ was his favorite part was, he pointed to me! Aw. He's a cute kid.

So it's over. I'm not too sad. I've put so many shows to bed that it's just another closing. I made some new friends and deepened friendships I already had. I'm especially glad to say that Anna and I have become better friends. It was her first time acting at Riverwalk and I'm so happy she had such a positive experience.

I'm going to Bristol with Kevin next weekend! I am wearing my leather bodice. I tried it on and it fits really well. I'm taking the train up on Friday. We are also going to a concert Friday that has Yo-Yo Ma as the headliner. So that's going to be fun!

I would love to write more, but I'm trying to get to bed earlier. So for now I'll say...

Hanging up now...

The home stretch

2010-08-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

We had first tech rehearsal today. I thought it went relatively smoothly. It took about 2 1/2 hours, a lot of stopping and starting, but no more than in other shows I've been in. The actors were able to keep focus. We also got a chance to work with the tree costumes again and they are getting very easy to maneuver in. As I told Mama Maier and Skip, I can run, walk, and climb in it with very little effort. I am used to walking in long skirts at the Renfaire and this isn't so different.

I got in a car accident a few days ago. I have decided not to listen to music or drink anything while driving, as well as staying off the highways for a while. I avoided another crash today which would have been the other driver's fault. My car has some damage that I will have to get fixed, such as the rear turn signal on the driver's side. But he's drivable.

Othello was pretty good. Mike was excellent. He has obviously done Shakespeare before and commanded the stage whenever he was on it. The first half of the show really belongs to Iago, but Othello eclipses him in the second half. Mike gave a very powerful performance. It was an interesting casting choice; Othello is typically black but the director decided to portray him as Middle Eastern. It was a very timely choice. She wanted to make him the outsider. Mike tanned for the role, and he was very swarthy!

Adam was excellent too. He had the difficult job of playing two characters that he had to make very different. He varied his physicality and his voice to make each of them distinct. He also made good acting choices all around. He hosted the cast party so I went along. I ate some, but not too much. I had about seven battered shrimp, three chicken wings, one small piece of cheese pizza, and half a piece of breaded perch. I also got a chance to talk to Heidi, who I haven't seen in a long time. We made plans to see Salt the 14th. The 14th is my sister's birthday! and then it's only two months til I turn 40. The women in the cast were astounded when I told them how old I was. They all thought I was in my late twenties-early thirties. I think I look about 30. So I look about ten years younger than I am. I'm actually looking forward to forty--I've learned a lot in forty years and I don't feel "old." I only wish I had someone to share my life with and a little bit more of a career. Well, maybe that will come in the next year or so.

I am going to Interval tomorrow, so I'll say...

Hanging up now...

2010-07-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

The deadline for original script submission is November, so I have plenty of time to do a third draft. Not sure how much I'm going to change this time around, but there may be some minor things. I don't think I'll have anybody read it this time; it took too long between drafts as I had to wait for people to get done reading it.

Mama Maier brought a flower wreath last night that we are thinking of using for my hair. It goes with the bodice and looks really pretty. We worked with the tree costumes for the first time last night and it went remarkably well. No one fell ("Timber!"). The run went really well. We have a set crew and the changes are going pretty well. They are changing the set while Kyle (Lionel, the narrator) is talking, which is what I would have them do. I think that's how Stan Gill intended it. The set is really cool. There are four three-sided pieces that have a different scene on each side and can be rolled and rotated to create different scenes. There is also one big piece that is used in one scene only. This is the piece I dreaded moving, but we don't have to worry about it anymore!

I am going to see Othello at Shakespeare on the Grand tonight so I need to go. More later...

Hanging up now...

Checking Out is IN!!!

2010-07-24T13:04:00.000-07:00

I have finished the second draft of Checking Out! I did it all today. There is some major reworking and placement of lines. I have taken what my "critics" have said into account. I don't know how many more versions there will be. I think it's good enough now, but others may not agree. I may submit it to LCP if it's ready to go. Not sure when the deadline for submissions is. I think it's around this time. Maybe I should go for it?

I foresee a few problems. For instance, there are two characters, one Latina and one Asian-American, that may need to be reworked. Mom doesn't seem to think there will be anyone to fill the Asian role. I think I've talked about that kid I know, and I could invite him to audition. I could also change him to African-American. It's vital that he be someone of an ethnicity other than white. The Latina might not be such a problem. I know a white actress who would be very good in the role--she's got the right attitude. But that might cause problems for the audience. A third character is Creole, but I know someone who could fit that role.

Speaking of plays, I need to get Drag to my director. He signed on script unseen and he is probably getting nervous. I have a copy for him all ready to go; we just need to pick a time and place to exchange it. I know of some people I want to cast, and we need an initial meeting soon. The reading is in November and that's getting closer and closer. I would like to meet with him in the next 2 weeks.

I was going to go walkies with Kathleen today but she had to cancel because of work. I don't really feel like going running but I could do a walk. So I will walk the trail I usually run. I should do that now before it gets any later.

Hanging up now...

Beauty on the Brain

2010-07-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

We ran through the whole show for the first time last night. It went great! No major slipups and no one even called for line. Even the scene changes went well. I am really enjoying this show. I was concerned I wouldn't because I was "just" in the ensemble but it's been a lot of fun. The cast has really come together and become friends. A bunch of us went to karaoke at Buddies last night and had a blast. There were also people from Rothschilds and the usual crowd. It's great to see us all sticking together.

Mama Maier put the bow on top of the headband and we took a look at it. I love it, but she thinks it's too innocent or something. She said to try several different things next week and we would decide on something. I'm going to try putting part of it back at first. If she doesn't like that, I may try braids or pigtails. I think the half back will be the best. I should get some kind of fancy barrette that works, or a jaw clip. Maybe I could hot glue ribbons to the clip--that might be fun! Just me brainstorming. *I* like the headband so I will wear it to the renfaire.

I was feeling pukey today--didn't get to sleep til late last night and got up to go to lunch with Adam today. I choked on my vitamin and still have a burn in my throat. I went to the MAC after lunch for a smoothie to try and get the soreness out of my throat. It didn't do much except make me feel really full. So I felt even worse. I decided to take a walk down to Starbucks and that perked me up. It was HOT, though, and I had to change my shirt when I came in. I'm going to do weights today too. Then tomorrow I am walking with Kathleen and Sunday I plan to run again. And Monday is back to Interval. Nice workout schedule!

Okay, so I'm going to Sally's to look at hair options and then to the gym.

Hanging up now...

2010-07-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

Silverleaf was wonderful. We saw some new acts, like a Middle Eastern group headed by a singer and dancer (she also played two different instruments.)She danced with swords on her head and kept perfect balance. I asked her afterwards how many situps she did a day, and she showed me how she worked different parts of her stomach by contracting her upper, middle, lower, and then doing different combinations of these. She also credited stretching and Pilates with a lot of her strength. So maybe I will go back to doing Strength and Stretch.

I decided against getting the hat after feeling the heat for a whole day. However, I did see several women in snoods and I got a gold one for $20. I think this will work nicely, and it saves me $20. I have $90 now, which covers the hoop skirt and bag with a little left over. So now I can start saving for the dress!

I also talked to Charity of the Limey Birds and she showed me how she does her hair. She takes ribbon with wire in it and makes bows around clear jaw clips. Then she clips them to her hair that she already has in pigtails. I went to Michael's to find stuff to do this but ended up finding something else entirely. I bought a headband that has a bow on it that looks like something Snow White would wear. I think it's really going to work for the show and for the renfaires. For the show, I'd like to put my hair in ringlets and do the headband. That will look so cute and take about 20
years off!

Worked with Stephanie today. My fat % went down again; I am now at 35.1. I want to get down to 30%. My weight was a little up from eating at the faire. Mom and I split everything though, so I could have eaten more. We did have a deep-fried Snickers--very interesting. Kind of like an elephant ear with chocolate inside. Last night I was bad and had a quarter pounder with cheese. I haven't had that in quite a while though; at least several months. I walked to McD's and back, so I guess it was 200 cals less than it could have been. Probly a lot of fat, though.

Rehearsals have been going well. We have such a great cast and crew. The principals all have such great voices and Mycah said the chorus is doing well too. She says sometimes we are even stealing scenes but she liked it. There is just nothing but positive feelings surrounding this show.

Tonight I am having Amy's Mattar Paneer for dinner and beans for a snack later. It's about time for dinner, so I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-07-14T16:06:00.001-07:00

Really good run. I ran all the way to Hulett, most of the way up Hulett, and all the way home on my street. I'm almost there! I don't think I'll be ready to do the 5K at the end of July, but I'm still working along for me. My goal right now is just to run a little farther each day. I'm thinking of going walkies after dinner tonight.

The scrimping and saving is on. I put $10 from tutoring into the envelope. Then I found a $10 bill in a pocket when I was doing laundry! There is a bag that I want to get that is $16.50, so I now have enough to get the bag. It was a great feeling to put a little check next to the item.

I'm concerned that the company will not have the outfit anymore by the time I get enough saved up (it may take as long as four months). I have emailed them and asked them what they would do. I don't know if they carry these items for months, in many sizes, or if they could hold it for me. I would love to have it held for me. I'm an XL right now and I might get down to a L, but I have to remember that I will be bigger because of the heat. So it might be best to get the XL anyway. I don't really care what the label says, as long as it fits.

I have another idea if they can't hold it for me: Mama Maier could make it for me. They have the front and back views and she could make it from that. It might be fun to do that instead. It would be less expensive and more personal. I may look into doing that anyway. I would still need the hoop skirt but I might be able to find a bag at the faire. And she could make me the hat.

Two days til Silverleaf! I wish I could find the hair bands I want. I want hair ties with flowers on them like the Limey Birds do.Maybe I will make a pass at Michael's and see if I can cook something up. Also, SOMEwhere I have a garland. I don't think that would look good with the leather bodice though. Burgundy flowers would look better. And then I would wear my hair in pigtails.

Time to get some yummy dinner, and then on for walkies!

2010-07-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

I guess the link didn't post as a link. But if you're really interested, you can just type the address into your browser. If you're a Rennie geek like me, it's worth it.
<3

Want want want

2010-07-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Here's what inspired the title of this entry:

http://www.yourdressmaker.com/shop/renaissance-dress-no-44-brown-gold-p-531.html?zenid=2b7b5bc9e58fe15073772eb6024408f3

All told, with the hat and hoop skirt + shipping and handling, it comes out to about 400 bucks. That's 20 tutoring sessions. If I take an envelope and write "Want" or "Slobber" or something on it, maybe I can set that aside instead of using it for gas etc. If I get more students, it will take me less time. So I will really be working to drum up students now. I need the incentive. Maybe Mom would kick in for shipping and handling or something.

Okay, so that's the lust of the day out of the way. I walked with Kathleen today. By her estimation we walked about 4 miles. I was going to train with Stephanie today but I was just too wiped. So note to self: Don't plan two workouts in one day. I will try to run tomorrow and lift Thursday. If it's nice I'm going to lie out tomorrow too.

Okay, so I'm going to go look at my dress some more. Good thing I don't sweat much; it looks hot. I mean, in more ways than one :)

Fear of (running) failure

2010-07-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

Walked instead of ran today. I can walk 2 miles easy, but it's daunting to think of running that far. I don't know what it is--I want to run, I visualize myself running, but it's hard to make myself do it. I ran yesterday after not having run for over a week, and that was hard. I was going to run again today but I was afraid to. It's very weird. Tomorrow I am making myself at least try. I'm trying a new route, taking another leg of the trail to Okemos Road and then up Okemos home. I think it's a little shorter and I will try to run more of it. I have my running shoes sitting out in the middle of the living room floor as a constant reminder.

I've been getting a lot of encouragement from family and friends. My brother in law is one of my biggest supporters. He has gone from barely being able to run a mile to running 11 1/2 miles at a stretch. I told him how hard it was for me to run a mile and he said it was like that for him in the beginning but now he enjoys every mile. I want to get to that point.

I went to a friend's open house today. She is moving to Orlando to work at Disney World. It's very exciting. It was a "Pirate/Princess Party", where she encouraged people to wear a tiara or an eye patch. I decided to wear both. I also wore my leather bodice and my SHORT plaid skirt. Clara was pirate-y. There was lots of good food and fun. I only stayed an hour or so, but I had a good time. Unfortunately, there were some brownies that were TOO good; I had two! But then I walked which burned about 200 calories. That's probably one brownie. If I can run the rest off tomorrow it will be like I didn't even have them, right? ;)

Saw a great show last night: Skungpoomery, a comedy starring some of my good friends. Ann directed and Adam C. and Maria (cat in BT) had the leads. It was a fun show. Great writing, acting, and directing. Adam B. had rehearsal so I went by myself, but there were people there I knew. I went to coffee and Lowe's with Adam today. I asked the people at Lowe's about my daisy; the blossoms have turned completely brown and dead but there's new growth underneath. The woman said to repot it, but we all know how good I am at that. So I asked her if I could just trim the blossoms off and she said I could. Now Daisy looks like she got a buzz cut. I think it'll work well, though; the undergrowth looks really healthy. We'll see.

One week til Silverleaf! I'm so excited. I will have to have Mom help me with my bodice; the straps aren't tight enough and the sides are laced too tight. It's not something I trust myself to do; I need another pair of hands. I will try to be really careful about my eating this week to make sure I fit into it as well as possible. I've had enough crap between going out with Stephanie and this open house...

Well, I think it's time to think about going to bed, so I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-07-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Lots to cover since I haven't written in a while. Kzoo was fun. I walked once with Mom and once with Dad. Mom and I walked at a good pace and she remarked that I was in good shape. The walk with Dad was harder, though. I walked as slow as I could and he still lagged behind me. What's worse, I heard him breathing hard. This is really disconcerting to me. I think he should start taking walks every day. He had decided to stop going to Bronson and will be going to the clubhouse gym instead. I hope he goes several times a week and lifts enough weight. He lifts far less than I do.

The party was fun and my salad went over well. I tried to be good as far as eating went, but I did have pineapple upside down cake. It wasn't very good and I only ate about half of it. We had fireworks afterwards and Mom was able to stay the whole time. All in all, a good time.

Ran the track again with my fastest time as 1:38! I really ran hard. That would be an eight-minute mile. I haven't run for a while so I ran outside today. The leg through the parking lots didn't bother me as much. The heat was bad, though, and I only ran about 1/2 the time. Even with the walking, it only took me 35 minutes. I'd like to run the whole thing in about 20 or 25 minutes. Tomorrow I will run again and hope it's better. It's hard when I get out of practice; I hadn't run for over a week. That really affects my endurance.

Went to lunch with Stephanie today. She says that she eats A LOT. She is constantly working out though, and is always pushing herself. I asked her about the bodybuilding thing and she showed me some pics of women she knew who did it. They weren't like the woman I had seen on the cover, though--these women were ripped. The magazine, which is the June issue of Healthy & Fit, is gone from the gym. I have requested the online version so hopefully I will hear from them soon.

Well, it's time for bed, so I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-07-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Really strange dreams last night. A friend of mine has gone back to school to get her degree in fisheries and wildlife with an eye toward eventually doing environmental law. In my dream, she posted a paper on FB to get people's input. I was distressed to find it was obvious she had not proofread the paper. She had used spellcheck, but as is the problem with spellcheck, it is not guaranteed that the word used is the word you meant to use. More worrisome was her use of a sentence where the words were not in the right order, but actually backwards. I was trying to find a way to tactfully tell her to proofread the paper when I found myself flying over the city, yelling, "You have to proofread!"

The second dream was an Elquest dream. I was Cutter (I often am Cutter in my dreams) and I was fighting some kind of war. I was also Rayek in another part of the dream. In fact, I get the feeling that I was several of the characters in different points of the dream. I'm trying to think of other dreams where I have been more than one person and I think it may have happened, although I don't remember any specific dream.

Looking forward to going to K-zoo. I am leaving in about an hour. It's been a lazy day doing very little before I had to pack and leave. I debated running but I think I will just walk when I get there. I like walking around my parents' place. They live in a large apartment community that has been set up to include a lot of natural habitat. It's a good place to walk dogs and maybe see a deer. I saw a deer trying to cross the street near my house the other day but she had to turn back because a couple other cars coming down the road scared her off. They stopped to let her go but she was too spooked.

Didn't see the geese on my run yesterday. How cool would it be to see a deer? They probably are there, they are just avoiding me. I move fast and make a lot of noise (puff, puff.) Well, not that fast. I'm pretty steady at a 15 minute mile. I want to get it down to 12 soon. And I want to be at 10 by the time I do my 5K. My brother in law, who calls himself "El Tortugo", says you go much faster in a race than you do on a regular run, but I'm not sure I believe that. We shall see. Stephanie really worked me hard last time, saying she wanted to help me with my running. I ran the track three times and the gym (shorter distance) twice. I ran the track 2ish minutes the first time, 2:14 the second time, and 2ish again the third time. 2 minutes around the track is a 10 minute mile. I know I can do it, I just have to keep in mind going fast. Maybe this is what Doug is talking about.

I'm looking forward to lying out with Mom. My suit is too big! Remember when I said I would get a suit when I went down to 150? I got it at 155 and now that I am down it sags on me. I tried drying it in the dryer but it didn't shrink. Next I will try washing it in the machine in hot water. Hope that doesn't hurt it.

The bath was very nice. I was reading an issue of Women's Health and got kind of miffed. I though it would have a lot about fitness and eating and it had a lot of sex and beauty stuff. There was an article about having a baby and that was kind of silly. I guess their demographic would be interested in stuff like that. They had one article about weight lifting, a few abs exercises (the ubiquitous "flat abs now" spots), and one article with healthy recipes. Everything else was about sex, babies, clothes, and getting the right job. I guess those are of interest to a woman reader, but where was the health part?

I saw a magazine in the gym about women's fitness that caught my eye. The woman on the cover was doing a women's pseudo-bodybuilding contest (don't remember the name.) What struck me was her body was very similar to mine. Muscles weren't popping out of her arms--they had a similar shape as mine. My legs are a little smaller. I'm sure her stomach was flatter than mine but I really couldn't see that from how she was sitting. It makes me think about doing a contest like this. I know I wouldn't be very good at a 5K but how about a bodybuilding thing? I'm not talking about something involving steroids or impossible eating habits, but just a contest that measures good, natural physique. I think I'm going to look into this.

Speaking of healthy eating, here's the recipe for a smoothie I came up with:
1/2 glass (about 8 oz) skim milk
1/2 cup or so nonfat yogurt (I used vanilla flavored.)
handful of frozen fruit (blueberries are good)
scoop of protein powder (I used the vanilla flavored one.)
Blend in blender until all ingredients are smoothly blended together. Enjoy!

This made 2 16-oz glasses for me. I had one as a snack after my run and one as a snack before bed. It's filling, yummy and healthy (three things I always look for).

Time to go have lunch and head to K-zoo, so I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-06-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

Ran well today. All the way to Hulett, walked Hulett, ran the street to my house. So I ran maybe 1 1/2 miles. Took me a little over 1/2 hr. The first part--the part through the parking lots before I get to the trail--is the hardest. I don't like my surroundings and that makes a huge difference.

I have worked out every day for the past 9 days. It went like this:

Tuesday: Stephanie
Wednesday: walk
Thursday: run/walk
Friday: walk
Saturday: weights
Sunday: run/walk
Monday: Interval/walk
Tuesday: Stephanie
Wednesday: run/walk, 4 miles total including a walk later that day after the run/walk

I feel really good about that. My weight was up yesterday but that might have been because I ate a big lunch. My waist measurement had gone down 1/4 inch, and my fat % was back down to 35.5 (it had crept up to 36.5 the week before.) Today I weighed myself and I weighed 3 pounds less than what the MAC scale said, so I really do think it was because of the lunch and the time of day. I'm still holding steady at around 150 (it was 151 today.) Sort of discouraging, but I'm just working away at it. I have to remember it's a number on the scale and what really matters is measurements. I would like to lose another 1/2-1 inch in my waist in the next six weeks.

I'm going to K-zoo tomorrow. Hopefully, if the weather's nice (and it's supposed to be) Dad and I will go fishing. Then Saturday Mom, Dad and I will go out to Smith Lake. I don't remember if Mom said there would be people there or not, we'll see. Sunday Mom and I will lie out by the pool in the afternoon and there's the 4th of July block party that evening. I really like the olive oil mayo Stephanie recommended so I think I'll make a pasta salad using that as the dressing. I will use rainbow rotini, artichoke hearts, cucumber, red pepper, and black olives. Then the mayo to top it off. It is really yummy and low in fat and cholesterol.

I think it would be lovely to take a bath, so now I'll say--

Hanging up now...

2010-06-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

I tried to run Sunday but had a lot of trouble. I walked most of the course. My shins were hurting me. Several of my running friends have told me about a class at Playmaker's that teaches you the correct way to run. It's on Thursdays, which means I will have to wait until after the show to start going to it.

Last night we ran all of Act I except for the fairy scenes. It went really well. We didn't have Scott to play the music but we still did a fantastic job considering it was our first time through. Lionel and Beauty are perfectly cast, as is the Midnight Fairy. The chorus has a lot to do in Act I, and that's fun. We have individual lines in the song "Going to a Christening" and there's a cool harmony part I get to do. We're on break now until next Tuesday.

I am going to Remya's shortly for a lesson and roti. I need to get ready so for now I'll say...

Hanging up now...

2010-06-23T14:13:00.001-07:00

Walked my course today and found out it is roughly two miles. I walk about a 22 minute mile and it took 43 minutes. That means I have been running about a 15 minute mile. A lot slower than I thought. Well, I can only go up from here, right? Tomorrow I'm going to run the whole way and try to do it in 30 minutes. That should be doable.

Rehearsals for SB are going really well. We will choreograph "Forgive and Forget" tonight. I have bought a pair of black ballet shoes for the show. As I said before, I like to start working in the shoes I'm going to wear in the show as soon as possible.

I decided on a name for my character: Nerissa. I took it from Merchant of Venice; Nerissa is the name of Portia's servant. I wanted the name of a servant because I'm not a lady. I thought about and rejected Ursula and Margaret from Much Ado. I thought of some other generic names like Anne and Elizabeth but they didn't seem to fit. But Nerissa is perfect. It's pretty and yet doesn't sound too high-class.

Kathleen has been experiencing some back pain so we're not going to walk tomorrow. That's why I'm running. Then Friday I will either do Strength and Stretch or do weights on my own at the gym. I will try to run again Saturday. I would like to run 2-3 times a week. My ideal schedule would look like this:

Monday: Interval
Tuesday: Stephanie
Wednesday: walk alone or with Kathleen OR run
Thursday: walk alone or with Kathleen OR run
Friday: Strength and Stretch OR weights on my own
Saturday: walk alone or with Kathleen OR run
Sunday: rest day

I have yet to achieve this schedule. It includes 3 weights days and 4 cardio days. If I was able to do this every week, I think I would be able to lose those last 5 or so pounds.

Time to cook dinner before going to rehearsal, so I'll say...

Hanging up now...

2010-06-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

Didn't work out enough or eat as well this week, and my numbers showed it. I was up to 152 with a bf% of 36%. I will get back at it--tomorrow I walk with Kathleen and Friday I'm going to run. I will also lay off the eating later at night and work on drinking less soda. Both of these have increased lately.

I made the first of my summer salad attempts yesterday. It was a Thai Cucumber Salad with jalapenos and basil.It was very yum. Next I'm going to make 4 Bean Salad For a Crowd. These recipes are out of Jay Solomon's "The Global Vegetarian: Adventures in a Meatless Kitchen." It's a good book Margaret and Doug gave me when I was living in San Francisco.

I dreamt about New Francisco a few nights ago! I got to visit the coffee shop. It didn't have sandwiches like the other one, just coffee and little things. There were a bunch of Middle Eastern men leering at me. I guess they were a holdover from the market. I'm very glad I dreamed about NF, because I haven't in a while and was wondering if I would again. It's scary to think I might have lost such a wonderful dream city.

We had our first rehearsal on stage last night. We choreographed the processional at the christening. I didn't have the right shoes but at least I didn't wear my flip flops like I was going to. Tomorrow I will get a pair of ballet shoes at Bottoms Up. My costume is taken care of--I'm wearing my Renfaire costume. The cloth bodice really had to be laced up tight! Very happy about that. That means that I am smaller than I was when I bought it. So my weight is up a little--so what. I'm still fitting in stuff better.

I'm a brunette now. I love it! Everyone has been complimenting me on it. Stephanie especially likes it. It's really interesting to look in the mirror and see someone new staring back at me.

Both the cat and I need to be fed, so...

Hanging up now...

2010-06-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

Ran/walked again today. The whole track took me 35 minutes. I ran from my house to Hulett, walked and ran up Hulett to my street, and walked and ran down my street home. I know the Hulett part is a mile, but I'm still not sure how long the other part is. It took me about 20 minutes to run the course from my house to Hulett by the trail. If I run a ten minute mile, that would make it two miles. That would make the last leg 15 minutes, which seems about right given the fact that I walked part of the way. So maybe the whole thing is 3 miles. That's almost a 5K. And if I can do that in 35 minutes, that's pretty good time! It would be great if that was indeed 3 miles. That means I am practicing for my 5K every time I go out now. My next goal is to run all the way from my house, up Hulett to my street, and walk and run from there home.

I was fighting the heat today but I drank lots of water so I didn't overheat. I can run the course for the 5K I want to do at the end of July so I get a handle on it. Right now, I'm just proud that I'm running the whole trail and part of the last leg. In a week or so I should be running the whole thing. That may shave my time down to 30 minutes or so.

We went through the music last night. We actually sing two songs and there is choreography for both of them. There's also choreography for the tree sequence, of course. So I will actually be learning three sets of choreography. I will have my notebook handy! It can't be any harder than Joseph. Now that was some tough choreography. It was demanding cardiovascularly too. I was in pretty good shape even though I was overweight, and the dance didn't wear me out or even make me breathe hard.

Tomorrow I am helping pull costumes at the LCP costume shop. Then Mom is coming and we're going to lunch. Tomorrow night I'm going to Beggar's Banquet with Adam and Gretchen and then on to the Barneys. So it will be a fun day.

I'm going to bed soon and I want to check FB before I go, so for now I'll say--

Hanging up now, painting the wind...

I think that I shall never see/A part as lovely as a tree.

2010-06-15T15:39:00.001-07:00

Just heard from Mycah a little while ago. I'm in the ensemble. There's one song, a dance, and a sequence where I play a tree in a dance battling the prince. I was a little disappointed, but I think it's going to be fun. It's not a big commitment, and it means I will be free to do lots of fun stuff with my summer rather than learning a lot of lines. Sure is a nice break from the last show!

Barneys are coming up on Saturday. I'm hoping Bremen Town will win some awards. I really can't lose as far as best children's show is concerned, since I was in both of them. I love the Barneys because it feels like our very own Oscars (or Tonys, if you prefer.)I tried on the dress I'm going to wear and it's LOOSE. It was tight the last time I tried it on. Very cool.

Weighed in at 150.8 today both at home and at the MAC. Fat % was the same; just about within healthy range (35.5%.) I was thinking today that I could reconcile myself to weighing 150. I don't seem to be losing any more. Maybe this is the weight I should be. However, the running may change that. We'll see.

Stephanie was happy with my eating this week. I felt good about it too. I'm eating more fruits and veggies and not snacking late at night, for the most part.

One more thought before I go: I want to go back to go to brown hair, maybe a chestnut. If I had gotten the ditzy fairy, I would have left it blonde for the duration of the show. But I asked Mycah about it and she said I could do anything I want with it. So Brunette Town, here I come!

Hanging up now...

Goals and victories

2010-06-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

I ran all the way to Hulett today. I also ran quite a bit on the way back to the woods, even though I told myself at first I was going to take it easy. Then I ran all the way through the woods to my apartment. So I think I did more than 3/4. It took me 1/2 an hour. That's very exciting! I felt good when it was done but I didn't do much else today.

What I did do was go audition for Sleeping Beauty. Auditions were last night and tonight. I felt really good about the way it went. Mycah had me read for pretty much everything (except Beauty) and I did my best. My song didn't go so well, at least according to me. But several of my friends thought I was good. We shall see--Mycah will contact us tomorrow.

I've been eating really well this week, I think as a result of the running. Yesterday I went to the zoo with Tim and his nephew, and they got nachos for lunch. I had an opportunity to share or even get my own, but I got a veggie tray instead. I was so proud of myself! Little victories...

Didn't go to Interval today; I ran instead. Tomorrow I work with Stephanie. Wednesday I will go to Interval and Thursday I'm hoping to walk with Kathleen. Then Strength and Stretch is Friday and I will run again Sunday. I will continue to eat healthy. And maybe I will be down to 145 by July 4th!

Hanging up now...

Run two

2010-06-11T18:14:00.001-07:00

I ran/walked again tonight. I ran all the way to the housing development. After walking a bit, I ran again for a bit, and then walked to Hulett. When I turned around I ran all the way through the housing development to the woods. I ran about half of the way through the woods. After walking to my complex,I ran through the parking lots to my apartment. So I would say I ran a little over halfway. Tomorrow I'm going to try running all the way to Hulett, walking back to the woods, and then running back to my apartment. That will be about 3/4. I didn't check the time when I left, but it was 8:20 when I got back. I think I did it in about 25-30 minutes.

One of my FB friends wants to sponsor me in a race. I really don't think I'm ready for that. She thinks I am. I want to at least get over this first hurdle of running the whole trail. Then I will start working on the trail+the Hulett leg. That will probably be about three miles. If I were running a 10-minute mile, that would take me 1/2 hour. That would be a nice starting workout. From there I could work up to four miles, then five, and then I feel I would be ready for a 5K. I'd like to set myself the goal of running a race by the end of the summer.

My friend Sandy thinks that since I've been working out, I'm ready for a race. What she doesn't realize is that I've never worked out this HARD. I lift and do the elliptical, once in a while an Interval class, but this is so much harder. The endurance entailed is entirely new to me.

However, it's great to be out there. I don't need music, there's the sounds of the forest around me. Tonight I saw a heron, lots of robins, three bunnies, and a gaggle of geese (goslings and adults.) The adults hissed at me to keep away and I hissed back. I probably shouldn't go too late, although it is Okemos and there are lots of people walking and some running on the trail. I will probably go out around 1 tomorrow.

Yes, I'm running tomorrow. Kathleen had to cancel because she has the opportunity to work on a film. I'm going to ask her if we can do it during the week, maybe on Wednesday. That would mean Interval on Monday, Stephanie on Tuesday, walk with Kathleen on Wednesday, "run" Thursday, Strength and Stretch Friday, "run" Saturday, and off Sunday. That would be an awesome week!

Each time I go, I get better and more fanatical about it. I probably need new shoes. I will get some after I work with Remya a couple more weeks. She wants to work with me twice a week. That will mean 40 bucks a week. Yippie! So once I work with her two weeks, I should be able to get a nice pair of running shoes.

I realized that if I taught 10 hours I would be pulling down $200 a week. That's almost as much as I made working at Cracker Barrel, for much fewer hours. I would love to have 5-10 students, especially if they were 1/2 kids and 1/2 adults. It's easy to work with adults because it's really just talking. Remya did pretty well with her pronunciation yesterday. I had her read aloud from a Good Housekeeping magazine and stopped her when I didn't understand what she said. She has trouble with v's and w's. I showed her how to make the two different sounds and by the end she had pretty much caught on. It was good to see that I was helping her and that she was able to remember.

Okay, so there's laundry to fold, clothes on my bed that need to be put away or in the dirty clothes, and diet 7up to buy, so I'll say--

Hanging up now, painting the wind...

P.S. I have no craving to get a sub or anything, even though I had a small dinner and a light after-workout snack of a handful of dried apples and a small dish of nonfat yogurt. Is this the workout's doing? Whatever it is, I'm happy!

Feelin' strong

2010-06-09T15:51:00.001-07:00

Well well well! I didn't go to Interval today but went for a run/walk instead. I ran like a runner, rather than a walker that happened to run short sprints. It was amazing! I just kept running and running. I shortchanged myself sometimes and slowed down to walk and drink my water. But for the most part, I pushed myself and ran. It took me 35 minutes to do a course that went from my apartment complex to the woods, past a housing development and out onto Hulett Road. I could have made the run longer by going up Hulett to my street, and then home, but that would have been another mile. So I just turned around and went back.

I feel amazing!!! I would like to know how far I ran. It felt like a couple of miles. As I've said before, I can walk 2 miles in 45 minutes, and this took me 35 minutes. Maybe this was 2 miles? Eventually I would like to go the route up Hulett, which would add another mile. When I get better at running, maybe running that 10 minute mile, maybe I will do that. But for now, I feel like I got a really good workout and feel very strong.

I'm walking this route with Mike's wife Kathleen Saturday. She may want to take the route up Hulett. She lived on the east side of Okemos Road and would walk a long square around there. So maybe we will do a longer walk. It might take us an hour or so. I'm looking forward to walking with her. I've never had a walking buddy. My mom and I used to jog around our neighborhood when I was in middle school, but we didn't keep that up. And I used to walk around the hood holding hands with my middle school boyfriend, but that's a different kind of walk.

So what else is new?...Remya and I had a good first session. She is understandably shy and hesitant with her English. Ageesh wants her to "work on her accent", but I told her, as I will tell him, that she will never lose her accent. People who learn a second language after puberty don't ever speak that language without an accent. What I can do is talk with her and help her learn to pronounce things more clearly.

She is so isolated. It was an arranged marriage and she hardly knows her husband. She's cut off from the other Indian women here because she doesn't speak their dialect. She can understand a little Hindi, but she can't speak it. Ageesh insists that they speak English in the house, but she speaks her native tongue anyway. She doesn't know anyone here; she has a friend in Farmington Hills but Remya doesn't drive and Ageesh is busy at school/work. She must be incredibly bored and lonely. I only hope I can help her open up and learn. We are meeting again tomorrow and I hope we will work two days a week, maybe even 3.

I had that Cottage Inn sub last night...ick. However, I had them leave off the bacon and didn't eat the chips. The sub itself was pretty healthy; the bad part was that I had it at 10:30 PM. I really shouldn't eat past 9. Kathleen doesn't eat past 8 PM, and she's pretty skinny. I don't have to be skinny, I just want to be as fit as possible. Maybe I will run a 5K someday!

Went to Meijer and got some healthy food. I'm going to have an Amy's frozen dinner tonight. Then I'm going to walk down to Dunkin Donuts and back. Can't stop movin'!

Hanging up now, while painting the wind...

I have no excuse...

2010-06-08T17:49:00.001-07:00

Dishes are done, plants are talked to, sheets are washed, apartment is reasonably clean, workout achieved, cat is sleeping happily, evening walk postponed due to rain...so I'm sitting here bored out of my mind. Why? I have a great book I should be reading. I could be writing in my other journal, the more private one (yes, people, there are things I don't discuss here.) I could be shopping for the ingredients for all the wonderful summer salads I'm going to make. But instead I'm sitting here writing in a blog that gets sent out into cyberspace and probably doesn't even get read. And playing on FaceBook. Which as we all know is a great way to spend our time.

What I was doing just a while ago, what usually takes up my time, is rehearsing. I miss Uncommon Good. I miss being challenged and working hard to create an unusual, passionate, verbose, brilliant character. There will probably never be another show like this one. Bremen Town was a different kind of challenge, the challenge to be bad and have fun with it. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it but I rose to it. I like to think I did the same with Uncommon Good. I hope if I get into SB that it will be a labor of love, a family show both for actors and audience, something really fun.

I am very excited because I am going to Silverleaf with Mom July 18th! I don't know how much I've talked about Silverleaf, but it is the renfaire that is closest to my heart. It was the first one I ever went to and more people seem to dress up than people at Holly (Michigan Renaissance Festival.) I think the more people that dress up, the better. I have several costumes: a "lady" costume that was made for me with hidden pockets (very cool), a leather bodice, and a cloth bodice. I wear the bodice with a white top and silvery skirt. The funny thing about the top and skirt is that they're not really authentic at all; the top came from Express and the skirt was a Lane Bryant buy. It's got a drawstring waist and is very voluminous. It's awesome. It also resists stains of any sort, even butter from corn on the cob. Both pieces are machine washable, as are the shoes I wear (my Teva sandals). I complete the effect with a burgundy cloak, if it's cold and rainy, or my parasol, if it's hot and sunny. I had a traditional belt but it's hard to loop it right so I just use a regular black belt. I want to get a new belt pouch this year because the one I have now is hard to close. It's leather, and it's nice; it just doesn't do what I need it to do. I don't need someone reaching in and taking out my phone or my wallet.

There's also Holly, which I will probably go to with Mama K, Anna, and whoever else. Like I said, not as many people dress up for Holly. There are a lot more spectators than participants. And there's the beer tent...Nothing against drinking at the renfaire, it just contributes to the spectator sport atmosphere. But it's nice to see people going and having fun. They learn a little bit about a different kind of life, and the performers get to call them up on stage and make them do embarrassing things.

New this year is Bristol. Kevin and I are going the last weekend in July. It's about 4 hours from Chicago. That will be a lot of driving; I will go up on Friday and we will go to Bristol on Saturday. I know it will be worth it, though. I'd love to go to as many as I can! I don't know if the performers will be the same or not. I know some of them do the circuit, but I hope to see some new ones.

Weighed in a little heavy this week, and my fat % went up. That might just be because I had lunch before I went to the MAC. I need to work out harder, though. I can do Interval again tomorrow so I'm doing that. Thursday I can run/walk on my own. I have a friend that wants to start walking together so I sent her a message on FB asking if she could start Saturday.

Tim and I are planning to go to the zoo Sunday. I hope the weather's nice. I don't have the problem many people have with zoos. Very few animals in zoos today were taken from the wild; they are usually here because of breeding programs. There are a few rescue animals. The exhibits are for the most part condusive to the animals' welfare and they seem to be happy. One of the big attractions at the Potter Park zoo is the otter exhibit, which was put in a few years ago. It's good both for the viewers and the otters.

I don't have much to eat, and NOTHING sounds good. I guess I could have peanut butter on celery, or 1/2 a peanut butter sandwich. I'm afraid I'll order a Cottage Inn sandwich again. I know I have control over what I eat but it's so easy to slip. It's harder when there's nothing in the larder.

Well, I'm going to try to make some good food decisions...I'll let you know if I fail or not...

Hanging up now...

Everything's coming up...sunflowers???

2010-06-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I am the proud owner of a sunflower plant. Here's what happened: I put my daisy plant that I got from Mike out on the porch to get some sun. Then when it was sitting inside one day I noticed a shoot that was definitely NOT a daisy. I thought about it and realized the only thing it could be was a sunflower seedling; I have sunflower birdseed out on the balcony, and a seed must have fallen into the soil. A little Internet research told me I was right. I wanted to keep it, so I went to Lowe's today and talked to them about it. They said I could just shake them apart and put them in two separate pots. So I have done that and they are sitting out on the porch, far away from the bird feeder.

I really want this sunflower to grow. It's a little droopy, so I put a pencil in for a stake. The plant is secured to the pencil with twist ties. I'm my father's daughter, jerryrigging her way through life. I hope the metal in the pencil won't hurt the flower, or that the lead will seep through the wood into the soil.

I work with Ageesh's wife today. I have no idea what her level of comprehension is. Maybe I should have talked to Ageesh more about her. I don't even know her name! I will learn more about her when he introduces her to me. We are meeting at 5:30 at the clubhouse.

Went to Interval today, even though I didn't feel like it. I was really glad I went. We did a workout where we did a cardio exercise for 1 minute, a weight sequence for one minute, and then repeated that combination three times. We worked our way through many sets of combinations over a 45-minute period. We did some abs and stretched at the end. It was a GREAT workout! There is also an Interval class on Wednesday, which I haven't been going to since I work with Stephanie on Wednesday. But we have changed our time so I can do that now. Ideally, I would do Interval twice, Stephanie once, Strength and Stretch once, and run/walk outside once (a week for all). That would be three weight training workouts and three cardio workouts a week. I would definitely be able to lose those last few pounds if I did that!

Just went out on the balcony and looked at my new babies. They look fine as far as I can see. I really hope I do right by them. I would hate to kill them by re potting them. I had bad luck with an African Violet once. I watered it from the top down--no one told me I was supposed to water them from the bottom up. It died. That's the last time I tried to grow a plant. I thought that Spot would try to eat the daisy so I put it on the TV and so far she hasn't done anything. If I keep them out on the balcony for the summer, it won't be an issue.

I'm going to head over to the clubhouse to get ready for Ageesh and his wife. Hanging up now...

2010-06-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

Didn't write about my last day with Dami, so I'll do that now. I got her brother "Horton Hears a Who" and got her "Misty of Chincoteauge." Instead of getting Suk a book, I got her a neck pillow which she can use on the plane. Dami and I went over her last grammar lesson (in which we talked about the "boring" passive voice), and then we started to read Misty. It's a better level for her than Paint the Wind. Most of the words are familiar and it has a real slam-bang beginning. After our lesson, we had dinner. There was chapchae, Korean miso soup with crab, kim chee, bean sprouts, rice, and acorn jelly. It was all very good, although I wasn't too hot on the acorn jelly. But the kim chee, soup, and chapchae were all very good. Afterwards Suk and I talked until it was time for me to go. I took a picture of them and Suk got my email address. I'm sad but I'm excited for them, especially Dami. I hope she does well in school and has fun in life.

I got a new student to take her place! I was in the locker room at the gym and my phone rang. It was Ageesh. He said his wife wanted to start taking lessons. I will start working with her Monday. It's great!

Walked 4 miles to Meijer and back. It was a little humid and rainy, but it was better than the sunny and hot weather I ran in the other day. Stephanie says you burn 100 calories a mile walking, so I burned 400 calories. That's a pretty good workout! I did Strength and Stretch yesterday. Tomorrow the gym is closed because they are having staff meetings, but maybe I can go for a run/walk if it's nice.

I went out to lunch with Tim C. from the show yesterday. He is such a funny guy. He makes me laugh and laugh. I hope we can be good friends. We'll see where that goes.

Last night Adam, Will from Bremen Town, and I went to see Light in the Piazza at Riverwalk. We went to see Gretchen who was in the chorus. I didn't try out for the show because the "chorus" doesn't sing; they are more like "extras" who are Florentines, tourists, servants, etc. But Gretchen was very excited to be part of the show and I was glad for her.

And how was the show...? Well, only one of the best things I've seen on the Riverwalk stage. The music is soaring, operatic, incredibly demanding and indescribably beautiful. The cast was made up of very strong singers who were able to carry the music very well. There really wasn't a weak performance in the bunch. And the set and lights were perfect, as well as the costumes. It was just a beautiful show. Makes me all the more excited about SB because, if I get in, I will be a part of a wonderful theater with a great reputation.

I was originally going to sing "Is It Really Me?" from 110 in the Shade, but I decided if I wanted to go for the ditzy fairy I needed something a little different. So I'm going with "Popular" from Wicked. If someone else does it, I will have "Is It Really Me?" with me as a backup.

Okay, so it's getting late so I'll say...

Hanging up now...

Endings, beginnings, and in betweens

2010-06-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have ended things with Shawn. We met in Ann Arbor Saturday and had a nice time, I just feel we're too different. I told him today and he took it pretty well. There are, as the site says, plenty of fish in the sea. I just haven't had much luck. Well, maybe someone around here will turn up. We'll see...

Picked up Checking Out today and reread it. It has a lot of potential. I see some problems but a lot of it is really pretty good. I think this is part of what I was meant to do.

Went to Kalamazoo for Memorial Day and had a great time. What was really nice was at the picnic several of the women remarked on how good I looked. I haven't seen them since Labor Day, which is before my big weight loss. I have lost 16 lbs. since November; that's a significant difference. They asked me what I was doing and I told them: eating less and better (usually) and working out 4-5 times a week. I was very good at the picnic, skipping dessert altogether. I did have one hot dog, but other than that I ate pretty healthy--lots of fruit and no potato salad. I brought my salad with artichoke hearts, cucumber, feta, red pepper, and cucumber ranch dressing. It went over very well.

Margaret is in Kalamazoo and will come over for lunch and pool laziness. She is a runner and really shows me up. She is in the best shape she could possibly be in. I can only hope to be like that. I ran/walked today but I can hardly run more than a few blocks. It was also really hot and I didn't have a water bottle. So I took it easy on myself. The whole thing took me an hour, which surprised me. It must be more than 2 miles. I'm going to measure it with my car.

If I could keep it up, I could run a ten minute mile. I found this out last week when Stephanie gave me 2 minutes 30 seconds to run the track at the MAC. I finished it in 2 minutes. She said this meant that I could run a mile in ten minutes. That's pretty good! 6 miles in an hour--I'll take that! If I could only keep it up...I don't know any fat runners. I've seen fat walkers, but no fat runners. That would be amazing if I could run. Some of it's endurance, some of it's psychological. Mostly endurance, though.

Tomorrow I will either do Interval or work with Stephanie. It depends on whether Stephanie can schedule me for tomorrow or not. I need to sign off now so I can be ready to do either of those things. So...

Hanging up now...

Evening ruminations

2010-05-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

Shawn sent me a text today saying I was beautiful. He has written me poems, called me beautiful, and other things. It's an amazing feeling to be wooed. It hasn't happened for a long time. We are seeing each other in three days. I am not looking forward to the drive to and from Ann Arbor. I have to turn around and drive to Kalamazoo the next day. That's a lot of hours on the road. Adam is going to PA Friday and that's a long drive too. He won't be at kareoke tomorrow so he can be fresh for the drive.

We had ice cream at Tasty Twist tonight. Bad! Last night I had an Italian sub from Cottage Inn, and that was my night snack, not dinner. Superbad! I will not be surprised if I've put on weight this week. However, I did get to Interval this Monday and walked four miles yesterday. Today I did the weight routine Stephanie gave me. I'm feeling really good physically, and I feel I look good too. So I guess that's what counts.

Picked up my picture for the church directory (we get one free 8 x 10.) It looked good, so I decided to make it a headshot. I went to Kinko's and scanned it onto a disk and made six copies. This way I can send it electronically or hand it in when I go to auditions. No more do I have the excuse of not having a headshot to not go to auditions. Hope this isn't illegal! This was given to me freely because of an agreement between the church and the photographer, and the photographer didn't charge me for any services. So I don't think it's a problem.

Weather still very summery. I think it was in the 80s today. I stayed inside most of the day. I like my apartment because it never gets very hot or very cold. I did run the air a little bit today and I run it at night, but it gets too cold to run it all day. Sometimes it wakes me up in the early morning because it's so cold. But I usually just end up burrowing under the covers rather than turning it off. Wasting energy, I know...

And speaking of covers...I want to get under them. So I think I will.

Hanging up now...

What faith can do

2010-05-24T16:27:00.001-07:00

Just finished watching a video posted by a friend on FB: "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless. It's a Christian rock song that's uplifting and yet does not mention the name of God or Jesus ever; for this reason I think it would be a great "crossover" song. It's just about going on "even when the sky is falling" and believing that there is Someone there to catch you when you fall.

I wanted to write about this because I've been struggling a lot with my own faith lately and I think a lot of it has to do with my church. It's just too traditional for me. I don't really know my fellow parishioners that well, and I feel that they as a whole are a lot more conservative than I would like them to be. Jeanne seems to be much more progressive than the church as a whole, and I wonder how that will play out. As I said about the Palm Sunday service, sometimes I feel the format is too regimented and I just don't feel anything.

At the same time, I think I still believe in God and the sanctity of Jesus. I still pray every night. I just feel the need to express myself in other ways than going to church. I have thought about going to a church like Trinity but it's not for me. Although they are less traditional in format, they are still pretty conservative. I have been to a couple services with Heidi and have seen enough to know that. One service talked about how a great gulf separated us from God and that Jesus was the only way to bridge that gap. I, on the other hand, don't see that we need Jesus to reach God. There are many paths to God, and I believe "unbelievers" can ultimately find a connection to God too. Doing the right thing, whatever that may be, brings us close to God.

Which brings me to another, related problem...many Christians believe in putting God first in our lives. That makes sense. But I know I don't do that. I care most about people; I am fiercely loyal to my family and friends. Secondarily, I care about my art--acting and writing. I know I do these for myself, not for God's glory. But then again...maybe seeking happiness in my life and for others is a way to make God happy. After all, I've heard that talent is God's gift to you and how you use it is your gift to God.

I get to see Shawn in 5 days! He just texted me to say he buzzed his hair :( I guess this is something he does for summer. It probably won't look that bad. I'm feeling rather summery myself; I laid out by the pool today and my skin is a little warm and sun-kissed. No burn though. I used SPF 15 and 30 on my face, and I was out there in the late afternoon. I don't want to tan too much, but a little color would be nice.

Adam just texted me saying he auditioned for Othello. I didn't want to audition because I need a light show without tons of lines. None of the parts in SB are very big--it's pretty much an ensemble production.

Okay, so I'm going over to Adam's to hang and talk about Othello auditions, so for now I'll say...

Hanging up now...