Back home again...

Went to Kalamazoo this weekend but am home now. Aside from my parents living there, I don't see Kalamazoo as home. I don't really have a hometown. We moved to Florida when I was less than a year old, and moved again to Indiana when I was ten. We left Indiana when my mother came up to work in the store and I went to college. I don't really know my way around the town or know anybody aside from my parents and their neighbors. It's weird. I feel more at home here in the Lansing area. I have a life here.

I've been doing RTB for a week now--one hour on Tuesday and one on Thursday. I think I've really been botching it. I stumble over the words a lot and my timing has been terrible. You're supposed to stop right at noon for the station identification but I went over. I hope I'll get better as time goes on.

Had a couple of winks on the site. One is from a guy with the handle "Timmah" so I assume he is a South Park fan. That would be fun. The guy I went out with last week emailed me and said he really didn't feel there was any connection. I feel the same way. He was a nice guy, attractive and articulate, but "the spark" wasn't there. I'm glad we put an end to it when we did instead of drawing it out.

Bad news on the Ji-Yoon front. I will not be working with her any more. The family is moving back to Korea in July and dad wants to have her stop tutoring and get ready for the move. I'm not sure if this is the real reason--seems an awful long time to prepare. I wonder if it was really a matter of money or not seeing results. But for whatever reason, I'm out $15/week. That sucks. I'm hoping I will get recommended again like I have been before.

Haven't worked on Checking Out for a while, but I feel like I could tonight or maybe tomorrow. Mom and I were talking and she said she thought writing was one of the reasons I was put on this earth. Wow! That felt really good to hear that. I know she's my mom and all, but she can be pretty objective. Especially in this area--she recently had a falling out with a friend who is working on a book who she characterized as "sort of a writer." (ouch.)

Speaking of what we were born to do, I have good news to report on the job front--or the absence of bad news, really. I called on the Potbelly job and they haven't filled the position yet. I also applied for a job at the MSU bookstore that would entail ordering textbooks. It sounds like a fun job. The application took about an hour. There was an online interview that wasn't timed but the response time was measured. It had basic interview questions along the lines of "What would you do if ______?" with five choices given, but it also had those stupid word problems like, "If Sally passes Sue in a race, and Sue is going 2x faster than Sharon, how fast is Sally going?" (I don't even know if there is an answer to this one; I just made it up.) I guessed on a lot of those. There were also those dumb number sequence ones, some of which I got. I made up for my weak points by doing really well on the SAT-type questions like, "Elbow is to arm as ____ is to leg." (Knee. Easy, right?)

Gonna see if I can work on the play for a while. Hanging up now....

And we're live...

I go on the radio tomorrow at 11 AM. I had an orientation last Friday and will be going in Tuesday and Thursday. The reading went okay; I stumbled a little but no biggie. What you do is come in, see what sections you are reading, and decide what stories you are going to read. Then about five minutes before you go on, you go into the studio and wait for the person before you to finish. When they're done, you say, "Thank you ____" and do your piece. Each segment is 15 minutes long and you do two sessions an hour. So I will be on the radio 30 minutes out of the hour.

I woke up today to the maintenance guy knocking on my door. Not a great way to wake up. I had a couple late nights this weekend and I'm paying for it. I need to go to bed at the latest 1. I was up til 3 on Saturday. Needless to say, I didn't go to church. I'm okay with that. We are doing prayer group at one of the women's houses this week and I'm making the main course. I feel a little pressure but I think it will be okay. I'm making a dish with chicken and artichokes. Yum!

I've had some luck with plenty of fish--I met one of the guys I've been talking to on Saturday. He was much better looking in person than he was in his picture. Ryan Seacrest was talking on the radio today about how online dating was misleading and people were a lot worse in person than they were online. Ha ha! I wanted to call in and say the opposite had happened to me. I was hoping he took a bad picture and looked better in person--and I was right. He was a nice guy, too, and has a good job that he likes. The only thing is he travels a lot. Maybe he'd be okay with us having an open relationship?

Hanging up now...

Talking it up

I passed the audition for Radio Talking Books! I will be going in to record my first session tomorrow. It's volunteer but I would love it if it turned into something gainful. It would be great to work in radio or do voiceovers or ads. I think recording audiobooks would be a great job for me. I've been reading since I was two, and with my acting experience I think I would do a good job. My sister is trying to get started as a writer, and it occurred to me today--what kind of a dream would it be to record one of her books???

Speaking of dreams, I had some weird ones last night. I had a little computer, a little bigger than a cell phone, that had a touch pad and did all the things a computer did. This probably stems from my Blackberry envy. I also had a dream that Adam and I were driving somewhere and he was talking about how he couldn't sleep. "How can I sleep," he said, "when the voices of the dead are so loud?" This sort of talk is quite uncharacteristic of him. I then dreamt we were in a swamp (apparently where we were driving to) and I was eating wood. It was soft and tasted kind of good. We saw a capybara and I told him we should climb a tree. There was also something about the Indigo Girls in there, not sure what.

Tonight is prayer group, and I should be making dinner. Hanging up now...

Will work for food

I worked with Ji-Yoon today. She really likes Spider. It is good for her to read and encounter new words. She stumbled over a few but usually righted herself. One of the stories was called "Jack and the Bean's Talk" and it was a twist on the original story. I asked if she knew the original story. She retold the story and did pretty well. I'm trying to get her to talk in a variety of ways. I'm happy to see that she asks me questions, instead of it being one-sided. She is learning what conversation is made of. She finally talked about her father a little bit today. He's a student at MSU but she doesn't know what he's studying. "Maybe geology...or English?" Maybe she should ask him. She will be going back to Korea this summer and so will not be going into sixth grade next year. This seemed to make her sad.

I've heard from a few more guys on the site, but the one I was supposed to chat with tonight didn't come through. So I got stood up. I'll write him tomorrow--maybe say something casual like "Missed you last night." I'm not going to be all psycho and say "Where WERE you last night? I waited online for HOURS!" hee hee.

I worked out with Stephanie today and it wasn't bad. I'm getting better in terms of my strength and endurance, the weight just isn't coming off. The reason is obvious. She looked at my food journal and found that I had one slip-up per day. Duh! I'm trying to be good. Today I had Kashi cereal for breakfast, tuna salad and an apple for lunch, garbanzo beans as a snack, and pasta with sauce and veggies for dinner. I'm really hungry right now but not only am I trying not to eat but there really isn't anything TO eat.

I had a great day shopping yesterday. I found a pair of wellies (galoshes) on sale. I have been looking for a pair for literally at least two years. This pair is cute, and cheap(er), and lined so there isn't that rubbery feeling on the inside. I also got a pair of black shorts, several new shirts, and a sports bra. That may be the best investment of all. I can really tell a difference.

I had an audition for Radio Talking Book last week. This is a volunteer position that would entail reading newspapers over the radio for visually-impaired people. I don't think it went very well. There were a lot of Middle Eastern names and I stumbled over them (I have sympathy for the Bush administration now!) I also don't know if I had that "radio voice" that they may have been looking for. A friend said if you can read you can do RTB, but I don't know. I'll be hearing from them either way. A dream job...recording audiobooks for a living. I would love to do that!

Haven't done much on the job searching front...there wasn't much in the want ads this week. I have the worst resume for applications. I have good education, volunteer work, and references, but no long-term employment. That's how it is when you're a student! at least for me.

I read Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet and really like it. I'm excited about auditions. I talked to Jeff about what he sees as the ages of the characters. I think I have the best chance at Desdemona. He said Juliet is young and Constance is a grad student. If I were casting it, I would cast Kat as Constance and Amy W. as Juliet. I also think Adam might be good as the professor/Iago.

My thyroid results came back normal. Damn! Guess I'm just going to have to move my lazy ass and stop stuffing my face.

Hanging up now...

And the Horror continues...Lecter or Online Dating?

I have finished Hannibal Rising and would highly recommend it to anyone who doesn't get easily scared. It ends with him on a train bound for the States looking at the stars, having just cut off someone's head. Nice.

I have had a few bites on the site. One guy and I are trying to set up a time to chat on the computer Tuesday night. The other one lives in Iowa so I don't think that will work out. I haven't heard from the other guy again. And I think the guy who wants kids has moved on.

The Easter service was really nice today. The altar was a riot of flowers, so much so that most of the congregation couldn't see us! My folks came and we went to brunch afterwards. We had an interesting discussion on religion, always a good topic with my dad (one of those atheists I mentioned.) I was talking about the book and how Lecter was an atheist, saying, "He would have to be, right?" Dad reminded me that many wars have been due to religion and that even Hitler was a "Christian." (I put this is quotes because I believe that anyone who does what he did is not a true Christian.) His main point was that people use religion sometimes to justify evil, and that not all those who believe are good. Good point! Godwise, I think he is too smart for his own good. We'll surely talk more on our next fishing trip, the last weekend in April.

Hanging up now....

"M" for Mischa! "M" for Mischa! "M" for Mischa!

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT
Lecter has now tracked down and killed all of the war criminals. I was right about the sound--it was the axe cutting off Mischa's head. My dream was prophetic also--Hannibal unknowingly eats broth made from Mischa. This fact, told him by Grutas (the worst one) before he dies, finally sends him over the edge. He carves an M in his face, yelling over and over, "M for Mischa! M for Mischa!" The last line of this part of the book is, "He slept soundly, and was not visited in dreams as humans are." Wow. Harris rocks.

Tomorrow is Easter. We sing two services, and we bring food to eat between the two services. We didn't pass a list this year like we have in other years, so I took the initiative and got people signed up. I've heard there will be deviled eggs. Yum!

Hanging up now...

Spring is...back?

Well, Easter is just around the corner. Yay! It's one of my favorite holidays, the others being Christmas and Halloween. Yesterday was Maundy Thursday and it was a lovely service. Jeanne and our lay preacher, Tom, read the story of Jesus' arrest and cruxifiction, and as they read each passage, the acolytes exinguished a candle. (There were twelve in all.) By the end we were in darkness, except for the Christ candle which was then carried out. We were supposed to sing "Jesus, remember me" as the candle was being carried out, but the boy picked it up and carried it out rather quickly and unceremoniously. We sang the hymn and then it was over. Meh.

I wrote a little bit of Checking Out. Hannibal Rising is still a wonderful book, and I do think it's helping. SPOILER ALERT! I had a dream that I was Hannibal and I was eating Mischa (unknowingly.) Must have come from Shakespeare. Right now he's a student in med school, and he's using his "mind palace" to memorize and order the things that he's learning. He's trying to retrieve information about his captors by going out on the grounds of the mind palace but he can't quite get it. There is some sound that wakes him up out of a deep sleep that he can't remember. I think it is the falling of the ax as it cuts off Mischa's head. Or it's something he hears the men say, something that is instrumental to learning their identities. I think much of this part of the book is going to be taken up with Hannibal seeking the man who haunts his dreams, the man responsible for his pain. We have met this man again and he is still despicable. I hope Hannibal kills him in his typical delightful manner when he finds him. Delightful? Don't worry, I don't have sympathy for serial killers. I just think Harris has created an imaginative character who approaches killing as an art. Look at the way he escapes in Silence of the Lambs, with the one guard cruxified against the bars of the cage as Lecter puts Pembry's face on himself in order to escape. Wow!

I've got a few more leads on plentyoffish, one guy in particular who's really nice. He's not a looker, but he's older than me (41) and we seem very compatible. It just may not be the most flattering of pictures. Another guy is really cute (early thirties) and very sweet, but he's looking for someone who wants children. Maybe I can change his mind? Doubtful. I got my hair done a few days ago and talked to my hairdresser who's also on the site. She has gotten a lot of bites--many more than me, guys emailing her and calling her. She was shocked to hear I hadn't been with anyone in four years. She said I needed a friend with benefits. I agree! Any takers?

Got my tax return and it's pretty hefty. I'm going to put the major part of it in the bank and use some of it to--go shopping! of course. I'm a girl, after all. I need stuff for summer--some cute short-sleeved shirts and shorts. I've been wearing the same shorts for like five or six years. I do have a more recent pair of white shorts but the button came off and I can't sew it back on because my hands shake too much to thread the needle. Sad, huh? I'm like an old woman with Parkinson's when it comes to that sort of thing. No small motor skills. Becoming a surgeon is kind of out.

I had a dream last night that started with me getting made up and having my hair done for a movie. It was very early and I fell asleep in the chair. I came back to my room--I was rooming with Lindsay and she was supposed to be in makeup too. She was still asleep. Her alarm had not gone off and when she woke up she was incensed at me for not waking her. Then we were on the set of "The Price is Right." After we filmed that scene, I noticed that the curls were coming out of my hair and I wondered where the hair person was. Then I was wandering through the halls of our dorm and saying hello to everyone. One room had a band in it in which my first boyfriend was playing drums. In real life he played the oboe but I don't know how I got to playing drums. I continued down the hall until I got to the room of a guy I'm kind of interested in right now. The floor of his room was cushioned like an air mattress. We bounced around for a while until I heard my boyfriend calling me and I left. What does all this mean? Funny. I don't dream as interestingly as Gordy but I do dream about flying naked sometimes.

Hanging up now...

Where's spring???

I have a habit of repeating myself so if any of this is a repeat of previous blogs, I'm sorry. It's really cold here. Mark Twain said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." I think he could have said, "A spring in Lansing." We have been teased with beautiful days and are now going into another cold week. It's even supposed to snow Monday. Yuck!
As you may have guessed, (since I didn't write about it,) I did not get into Fiddler. I'm okay with it. I know Dan had a very difficult time choosing from the 70 actors that tried out. He didn't make the chorus very big, or I probably would have gotten in.
Checking Out is not going at all. I'm stuck. I'm waiting for a miracle. Much of the play came to me in a dream and I'm seriously waiting for another dream. Is that crazy or what? What a way to write. But it has worked for me in the past. I often get solutions to problems through my dreams or when I am just going to sleep or waking up.
Fishing was bad. We got skunked. We trolled around for about an hour and a half when I said, "Let's go home and have pizza." It's not a failure on my dad's part, and I don't want him to think that it is. He can be very hard on himself and when things don't turn out right, he tends to think it's his fault.
Got my thyroid checked yesterday. I'll be very interested to find out the results. It would be nice to find a reason why the weight isn't coming off or why I'm sleeping too much. I'm probably making excuses for myself--maybe I'm just lazy and eating too much!
I'm starting to read Hannibal Rising. It is fascinating--maybe as good as Hannibal. This one is about Lecter's childhood. I wondered before starting it: Is he the way he is because of nature or nurture? It's some of both. His Uncle Edgar, locked up in a room and a suicide who burned himself up, is proof of mental illness running in his family. But Lecter has a wonderful childhood until the Nazis come to Eastern Europe, and the family flees to the lodge in the country. All his family are killed except him and his little sister, Mischa. They are held captive by a group of men who are scavenging in the wake of the war. They take Mischa away from him when they are starving and...well, I don't want to spoil it for you. He is saved by the Russians and taken to the orphanage, which is set up in the castle that once was his home. By this time he is pretty much fucked up. His uncle comes to get him; I was worried that he would be a bad uncle as is in so many stories, but he seems good. Right now I'm reading a scene between him and his Japanese aunt who lost everything she knew in Hiroshima. She's encouraging him to join her on the "bridge of dreams" instead of getting stuck in his nightmares. (He screams in the night, "Mischa! Mischa.") There was a movie made of it but I don't want to see it--I like the picture I have in my head. So watch out--I may be writing more about this wonderful book. If I write something central, I'll put a SPOILER ALERT! on it.
I'm about to make some tea, so I'll close with this thought: We must be prepared to be alone, and to be happy that way, but we also should leave ourselves open to the possibility of love. It could be around the next corner.
Hanging up now...